dominant vs submissive

[Juxtapoz]

Sexually speaking, which would you say you are? Does your "role" shift or vary between each relationship? How does a submissive person become slightly more aggressive? How does a dominant figure learn to back off and resist the urge to take control? If you're someone who sways on both sides, how do you help your partner do the same so the sex is balanced and fulfilling?

[Fudgie]

My partner and I go back and forth. He loves being submissive with me at times, and then he likes to be dominant at other times, and same with me. So we "switch" sometimes.

 

Do it in "episodes". For one "session", someone (you or him) should be dominant from the start, and then be that way for the whole session. Then maybe next time, you'll start dominant and such. That's how I do it and it works for us.

[kenshinkitten]

I'm more submissive sexually, it depends on the mood I'm in though. Usually when I'm extremely submissive or extremely dominate it's because I'm really horny, at that point it just comes down to do I want to be controlled or control?

I'm sure most guys like to just lay back sometimes and have the woman do the work, so it's not that hard to switch roles and take control. Pin his hands or something, usually we switch it up during sessions.

But yeah I am more submissive...I think I just like feeling dominated in the bedroom.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I am both depending on my mood.

 

Honestly, it's all about communication for us. I tell him what I want him to do, specifically. Once we start, it pretty much just goes with the flow.

[Juxtapoz]

i've been craving rougher sex lately but my man is really sweet and sensitive, and..submissive as heck. when i tell him to take control, i'm telling him to do this, so in a sense i'm still the one in control...does that make sense? it would be nice to not have to ask.

[digger11]

both! it's just open communication so we understand one anothers needs.

[babii doll]

I'm submissive, he's dominant so it works. There is no switching roles, wouldn't feel comfortable being dominant.

[KG]

We just go with the flow...sometimes it's sweet lovemaking, sometimess one is more animalistic than the other, and gets to be the domineering one.

[Catdancer]

I'm a switch.

 

Remember the best subs make the best doms.

[hexaemeron]

Depends on the other person, our situation and my mood. I get more overly dominant when I have a bad day, generally.

[fixyou_]

I'm submissive-I've never switched and don't really have the desire to do so. It's never changed in my relationships either, although I've only shared my submissive side with one person.

[Cognitive_Canine]

i've been craving rougher sex lately but my man is really sweet and sensitive, and..submissive as heck. when i tell him to take control, i'm telling him to do this, so in a sense i'm still the one in control...does that make sense? it would be nice to not have to ask.

 

My boyfriend is like that. He just has a hard time with being dominating due to religion issues. He's gotten a lot better though. It took a lot of time and a lot of talking. After a while, he got used to it and didn't need me to remind him that he was allowed to be rough.

[Juxtapoz]

My boyfriend is like that. He just has a hard time with being dominating due to religion issues. He's gotten a lot better though. It took a lot of time and a lot of talking. After a while, he got used to it and didn't need me to remind him that he was allowed to be rough.

 

hmm. i guess i just need to be patient...some things don´t happen overnight.

oh, so punny!

[Cognitive_Canine]

One thing is to be extremely specific. Telling a guy to "be aggressive" is sort of vague and overwhelming for someone who isn't 100% comfortable with the idea to begin with.

 

Also, my boyfriend and I wrestle before sex sometimes. I know that sounds odd but it really gets him in an aggressive mood.

[Lamour detruit]

Depends how you define dominant and submissive. I am not a macho man that has issues with the female I am with taking charge..or seducing me. I have no problems with that, and like it. But once in bed..I kind of naturally lean towards dominant. I mean that in the sense that I like to control which position we're in..I like to turn her around where I want her..spank..and all that jazz.

[hexaemeron]

When I lived in Cleveland (20-21 years old), I went out to a bar once, and I had a horrible day. I was drinking a fair bit and I saw this SUPER adorable innocent looking guy there. I walked up to him, noses about an inch apart and I said "I'm going to f--- you tonight." looking right into his eyes. (which, eye contact is hard for me unless I put myself in an "I'm acting" context) --

 

And the funny thing is... I did! Dominance and confidence really is about just not giving a crap about what other people think.

[Scott12]

Sexually speaking, which would you say you are? Does your "role" shift or vary between each relationship? How does a submissive person become slightly more aggressive? How does a dominant figure learn to back off and resist the urge to take control? If you're someone who sways on both sides, how do you help your partner do the same so the sex is balanced and fulfilling?

 

 

I'm usually dominant, but I like her to take control once in a while.

 

Scott

[glucoze]

I like my man to be dominant. We switch from time to time..

[greywolf]

I'm a switch and my bf is too.

 

i've been craving rougher sex lately but my man is really sweet and sensitive, and..submissive as heck. when i tell him to take control, i'm telling him to do this, so in a sense i'm still the one in control...does that make sense? it would be nice to not have to ask.

 

Have you told him how you feel about it? You can't really expect him to know what to do unless you tell him what you want.

 

My bf used to be uncomfortable about being too dominant, but now he's really into it.

[TasmineFr]

The man i am with is definitely dominant , I can be dominant when i feel extrememly horny , the only thing is that when i am trying to be dominant he takes charge because he is stronger than me and i end up being submissive lol ...i just give in lol

[Juxtapoz]

Have you told him how you feel about it? You can't really expect him to know what to do unless you tell him what you want.

 

Hmm, well the other day I was at his house, and we were kissing, talking...I told him I love spontaneity... and that it would really turn me on if he surprised me with sex that was a little aggressive.

 

that's pretty blunt, right? i don't know how i could be more clear, unless i had actually told him in English. :sad:

 

to further display my "request," i offered an example later while he was cooking dinner, of going down on him in the kitchen mid-sautee. it was enough to surprise him and make him stop what he was doing. luckily the food didn't get burned.

 

i try to show him things i want by doing them for him. do i have to be so literal and say, "Next time do that for me, OK?" Wouldn't it be great to be able to send sexual telepathic thoughts so they just automatically know exactly what you want? i love when that happens, when the passion and tension is so thick that you find yourselves on the same wavelength and you know exactly how to please each other.

[Taikero]

I'm naturally a bit dominant but I can be submissive as the situation requires it. I'm very flexible all around.

[Juxtapoz]

When I lived in Cleveland (20-21 years old), I went out to a bar once, and I had a horrible day. I was drinking a fair bit and I saw this SUPER adorable innocent looking guy there. I walked up to him, noses about an inch apart and I said "I'm going to f--- you tonight." looking right into his eyes. (which, eye contact is hard for me unless I put myself in an "I'm acting" context) --

 

 

WOOF. Good job.

 

One time I asked a guy if I could get drunk and take advantage of him. Now I kind of wish I hadn't.

[Taikero]

One time I asked a guy if I could get drunk and take advantage of him. Now I kind of wish I hadn't.

 

It gives the details to the thread, or else it gets the whip again!

[quirky]

You know Juxtapoz, it might work best if you "act" a bit more submissive. Make up some stories of you being a poor thing. When I try that the man gets more aggresive, works well.

 

I don't know what I am. I can be both but from my experience being dominant hardly ever worked. Plus I'm a bit scared of myself if I completely embrace that side because a couple of times when I've zoned out my partners said "ooouch!"