Being too open with new people...

[IntotheWild]

I might have put this under "Conversational Tips", but it's not really about dating per se, so...

 

I can talk... a lot. It's not uncommon for me to write a 9 paragraph email to a stranger and include all sorts of details from daily events and my life. I think this weirds some people out. But my problem is I really have no feel for what is too much information. In my own little world, everyone is friendly, open, and willing to chat about life. In the real world, I know most people are cautious and even somewhat paranoid and suspicious about motive.

 

I don't know that I'm looking for any advice here. I'm not sure there's really any to be given. I'm just curious if other people have this problem with being too open. Do you share too much and find it turns people off? Have you tried to change that or do you just go with the flow and not worry about it?

[sidehop]

Umm I think I do this here...too much information when not asked for sometimes.

 

I try to keep it short too?

[Hurting85]

I used to. I still do it sometimes and catch myself and clam up.

 

I know my neighbor's son doesn't know who his biological father is and doesn't know the guy he thinks is his father isn't. I know another neighbor is planning on leaving his girlfriend and her two kids on June 12th, taking care to pay off the lease since his name is on it. Another neighbor is about 5 weeks away from being done with child support and bought a new truck as a present. He's paying 14% interest on his loan and his monthly payments are about $750.

 

People talk if you just listen.

[shes2smart]

Oh, yeah...way too wordy....especially if it's written word.

 

Only place I have had real, lasting success in curbing this tendency is in the workplace. After being burned a few times by talking too freely at work, I now keep a nice, thick wall between "work" and "personal."

 

Otherwise, forget it. My guts have a way of getting exposed.....

[Mauxly]

I'm the same way. It is a blessing and a curse isn't it?

I've found through trial and error that a lot of people are really turned on by this at first, only to find themselves exhausted in the long run. But not everyone! My trick is to be myself and seek out other like minded souls. We are out there.

My ex complained frequently that he couldn't get a word in edgewise. So I consciously remained quiet, only to me met with gigantic and awkward swatches of silence. Turns out he just never had much to say but blamed me. We were incompatible. Simple.

 

You might feel some pressure in life to shut it. I wouldn't though. Look at some of the most brilliant and entertaining people throughout history. They don't apologise for thier gift, they just find those that appreciate it.

[hexaemeron]

I have to work on not being verbose. It's a struggle because when someone touches on something I can speak on, I tend to turn into a data tsunami. I find people tend not to appreciate that, however.

[Shallow]

Do you share too much and find it turns people off?

 

I have the opposite problem with the same result.

 

Everyone has different tolerances, which can vary depending on who they're talking to. Some people will have no patience with you at all, yet they don't mind listening to someone else ramble on.

 

Thus, the key is not necessarily to share less, it's to connect and empathize with the other person. Many people are too engrossed in hearing their own voice or writing their own words, which is what annoys other people.

[pinkelephant]

Conversation is a two way street. Maybe have the other person in mind when you talk? It helps me to think about whether or not they'd enjoy my verbal diarrhea.

[IntotheWild]

I agree about connecting. When you don't know anything about the other person though, it's impossible to establish a connect unless you can get them to share something. So the idea is yap on about things and hope they'll do the same in return...except they rarely do. I'm hoping they'll say something like, "Oh, I can relate to that...let me tell you all about yada yada yada" and then they start talking about themselves. But they usually just reply with a disinterested line or two.