Could use help

[Lalo]

Would really appreciate any and all help.

 

I'm 31 and for 4 months have been dating a very nice 25 year old woman who I met at the workplace Christmas party. Initially our relationship was fantastic and we spent much time together doing mutually interesting activities, and wanting to spend much time with each other. We decided to date exclusively 2 months ago. She had a previous 2 year long-term relationship that ended 3 months prior to our first date.

 

Over the past four weeks our relationship has been rocky for reasons that are unclear to me. She has been difficult to get on the phone, interacts primarily (only) by text message, and does not seem to show any inclination to want to see me. After a period of about 3 weeks where we had not seen each other, we had set up a dinner date (I thought excitedly) which she cut short after about an hour with an announcement that she had to meet up with her friends. Over the past week since then, I have spoken to her on the phone only once, and she has yet to confirm another date as she says that she is exceptionally busy; however, most of this busy-ness consists of nights out with her girlfriends.

 

I have spoken to her about this, describing my displeasure at the state of our relationship, and her unwillingness to (at times) prioritize me over her friends. I am a surgeon and am busy myself. She claims that she loves me, is not too busy for a relationship, and has clarified that I have done nothing to offend her; rather she insists that it is "life" that has become busy. I have tried to identify these "life" issues, and they essentially amount to her wanting to hang out and party with her friends every day.

 

I am rather frustrated. Our mutually identified goals were for this to be a long-term relationship. It seems as though the past month has been antithetical to his, and I would have broken things off sooner, except that I rather like this girl based on the first 3 months of our relationship.

 

Advice on (1) what could explain her behaviour and (2) how to proceed with the relationship would be very appreciated. Thanks very much.

[NorthDallas40]

She's 25 and probably on the rebound to some degree. For both of these reasons, she's likely very sensitive to feeling "crowded" even if you're not even being that demanding. It likely has nothing to do with you, but rather her need to enjoy her freedom.

 

But you have a right to have a relationship that satisfies your needs, and it sounds like she's not doing that. If my girlfriend had avoided me for 4 weeks like yours has, I would take the hint and move on to someone new.

[Casanova4life]

Big mistake dating her exclusive just after 2 months. It seems you stopped being a challenge to her. Do you smother her? its time to get out there and start finding friends of your own. Anything easy to attain isn't worth having ...think about that before comitting to someone just after 2 month of dating. Lesson learned.

[dontlook]

maybe she's just really not ready for a long term relationship right now...

maybe she's not quite over her past one....

 

seems like she just needs some space and to find 'herself' - wanting to see her friends soon after ending a relationship is pretty normal and maybe she jumped into it because she didn't want to lose you...

 

you need to voice your concern and ask her where you stand.

or accept that she will need some time and take things really slow.

 

when i was in this situation, the man that i was dating was very patient and gave me room to grow where i needed. we were exclusive but we didn't see eachother much until i was ready...

 

good luck and remember that you are worth loving. if she can't do that, someone else will! take care of yourself first..