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Dunno where to put this, but I guess I'm feeling jealous, and pissed off. I'm not doing much with life, just home all day, my lil cousin lives next door though and I look forward to seeing her when she gets home from school. I sit in my room the rest of the day pretty much. She's the only family member I really have fun talking to. I have a brother that I don't get along with, I

actually hate him, but he gets along with just about everyone extremely well. About a month and a half ago, he asked this little cousin who her favorite cousin was and she said I was. Since then though, he's been spending more time with her and kind of stole that favorite cousin spot from me. He used to tease her once in while telling her that she's the worst cousin ever, but it was only jokes. During the weekends she comes to my room to play my xbox, I tease her quite a bit sometimes, maybe too much, I didn't realize. She started telling me that I was the worst cousin ever and meant it, her tone and face wasn't kidding when she said it to me. She told me straight up that she likes him more than me, and that I'll always be the worst cousin while he was around and also when she was playing my xbox, she thought I'd just let it slide.


I told her after kicking her out of my room once that I'm not gonna accept that crap from her anymore, saying that stuff in front of my face, but I still suspected she still thought the same. I don't tease her as much, but it doesn't matter now, she just likes being around him more than me. We started getting along again, then something happen this weekend. I kicked her out of my room again, it made her cry. Then today I just questioned her about what had happened and asked her "I'm not your favorite cousin anymore am I?" She shook her head while biting her teeth slightly like she didn't know whether she should have let that out or not. I told her that she pisses me off and that was the end of that. Now I feel I really have no one to talk to now. I have to see both of them everyday too... I just feel so much hate and resentment towards my brother.


We are less than a year apart and we used to look alike. Back in high school he told kids the way to tell the difference between us was that my eyes make me look like I'm on drugs. I felt many times before that he is always stabbing me in the back. We actually talked to each other back then like normal brothers do, then I stopped talking to him for years. I've always been really shy and had trouble making friends on my own, kids picked on me before too. Having him tell people that about my eyes I feel is the reason why I had such a hard time looking people in the eyes after that, I still have that problem a little bit. My parents kept telling me this isn't good what I was doing not talking to him, they didn't care how I felt about him though, they just wanted it to look like the family was back to normal pretty much. So after years of not talking to him I gave it a chance, and it felt the same. Everyone looks at him as a real nice and fun guy, the entire family does. He doesn't treat me the same as everyone else though. I stopped talking to him once again and my parents family come to me and want to know how I feel about him and how they can fix things, I don't want them to try to do that now. I know they aren't asking because they truly care about how I feel anyway.


We will be going on vacation maybe in a couple weeks, now I feel I will have nobody to hang around with. I'm not happy right now... I will just see my bro hanging out with her and feel more resentment towards him. Now that it's perfectly clear that she likes him more than me I just feel like I want nothing to do with her too, and she won't have to talk to me anymore anyway. Now I feel really alone. I wish I didn't suck so much at life. Maybe you guys are thinking I should go out and make friends, but I've tried doing this many times, and I'm always just too socially awkward to get anywhere with this. I just want to be away from all this so bad but I can't... I'll be seeing them every single day. I wish I could just have friends and not care about this...

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I don't understand why you have so much animosity towards your brother. What made you stop talking to him in the first place?


Coming from someone who took his brother for granted while he was alive, i honestly think you need to try to fix things. I would gladly give a year of my life just to be able to hang out with my brother for a day. He used to pick on me, be mean to me, and beat me up but he was still MY brother and no one elses. I can never see him again, but you've got a chance to make amends with your brother.


First of all, like i said before, why do you hate him so much? What has he done to you? All brothers fight sometimes, but what did he do?


Second of all, how old is this cousin? From the way you described the situation, it doesn't seem like she's very old. Why are you letting someone so young get to you? Young kids are more often than not brats who have never been taught proper manners. Why do you care what she thinks so much?

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I hate him because he goes behind my back. I see him as being two-faced to me. He acts nice to me only to go behind my back. What i mentioned above about him telling kids about my eyes behind my back and alot of constant little things he used to do to me caused me to stop talking to him. I remember talking to my parents about this and all they would say is he's just doing it for fun and that's just him pretty much. I see him as someone who almost kind of ruined my life. I was already shy to begin with, but he just made things worse. I hung out with some kids that I didn't even like, we sat at a table during lunch and had nothing to say to each other. Part way through junior year, I dropped out. He had friends though, and people say he's cooler than me in front of my face and all.


He is just more talkative to everyone and has things to say a lot. I have almost nothing to bring up in conversations. We moved back with our grandparents partly due to the economy a few years ago. I remember seeing cousins and other relatives again and he would just talk to them easily. I had nothing to bring up to talk to those cousins our age or my aunts and uncles. I was just depressed back then and kinda still am, they asked me about a girlfriend or college and what I wanna do (this was right out of high school). Cousins talked to me about their life in college and I just couldn't bring anything up to say to them. Because of that and cause I didn't want them asking me about why me and him don't talk, I just distanced myself from them. And then there's the older family members that speak Chinese only, I can't communicate with them much at all...


I just don't think we can get along. I don't trust him. I have no friends man... I'm still lost in life, took the semester off college cause I don't know what I want after 4 years. I don't have a job cause I'm afraid of interactive with people. She was like the only person I see each day that would talk to me, like my only friend almost(yes thats sad I know). She's 9, I don't blame her for being a brat or whatever, I don't really think she is. I am blaming my brother for getting into the picture like that. Before asking her that question I really don't think he cared too much to talk to her and all...

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I guess what I did was almost forcing her to choose between me and him by telling me what she said. In the back of my mind, I guess I kinda already knew her answer. I just can't stand being second-best or even worst to him. I feel like he has taken so much away from me already and I see him so happy all the time...

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  • 3 months later...


Lol, I am completely new to this forum, I just signed up to comment on here actually, but I think I might start using it more often.


Listen, I know how you feel about your brother, I have the exact same problem as you do with my brothers. Honestly, it gets so hard sometimes. I got depression and anxiety too as well, which my parents don't actually know about. Honestly, all the things you have mentioned, I have lived through, and I would say I might have gone through more. But in your story, I bet there are a lot more worse things as well that you have not wanted to say online. Anyway, I have added you as a contact I think, thats if you want to talk, because, I can relate to everything you are going through.


Cya around

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