CntJstSitArond Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Dunno where to put this, but I guess I'm feeling jealous, and pissed off. I'm not doing much with life, just home all day, my lil cousin lives next door though and I look forward to seeing her when she gets home from school. I sit in my room the rest of the day pretty much. She's the only family member I really have fun talking to. I have a brother that I don't get along with, I actually hate him, but he gets along with just about everyone extremely well. About a month and a half ago, he asked this little cousin who her favorite cousin was and she said I was. Since then though, he's been spending more time with her and kind of stole that favorite cousin spot from me. He used to tease her once in while telling her that she's the worst cousin ever, but it was only jokes. During the weekends she comes to my room to play my xbox, I tease her quite a bit sometimes, maybe too much, I didn't realize. She started telling me that I was the worst cousin ever and meant it, her tone and face wasn't kidding when she said it to me. She told me straight up that she likes him more than me, and that I'll always be the worst cousin while he was around and also when she was playing my xbox, she thought I'd just let it slide. I told her after kicking her out of my room once that I'm not gonna accept that crap from her anymore, saying that stuff in front of my face, but I still suspected she still thought the same. I don't tease her as much, but it doesn't matter now, she just likes being around him more than me. We started getting along again, then something happen this weekend. I kicked her out of my room again, it made her cry. Then today I just questioned her about what had happened and asked her "I'm not your favorite cousin anymore am I?" She shook her head while biting her teeth slightly like she didn't know whether she should have let that out or not. I told her that she pisses me off and that was the end of that. Now I feel I really have no one to talk to now. I have to see both of them everyday too... I just feel so much hate and resentment towards my brother. We are less than a year apart and we used to look alike. Back in high school he told kids the way to tell the difference between us was that my eyes make me look like I'm on drugs. I felt many times before that he is always stabbing me in the back. We actually talked to each other back then like normal brothers do, then I stopped talking to him for years. I've always been really shy and had trouble making friends on my own, kids picked on me before too. Having him tell people that about my eyes I feel is the reason why I had such a hard time looking people in the eyes after that, I still have that problem a little bit. My parents kept telling me this isn't good what I was doing not talking to him, they didn't care how I felt about him though, they just wanted it to look like the family was back to normal pretty much. So after years of not talking to him I gave it a chance, and it felt the same. Everyone looks at him as a real nice and fun guy, the entire family does. He doesn't treat me the same as everyone else though. I stopped talking to him once again and my parents family come to me and want to know how I feel about him and how they can fix things, I don't want them to try to do that now. I know they aren't asking because they truly care about how I feel anyway. We will be going on vacation maybe in a couple weeks, now I feel I will have nobody to hang around with. I'm not happy right now... I will just see my bro hanging out with her and feel more resentment towards him. Now that it's perfectly clear that she likes him more than me I just feel like I want nothing to do with her too, and she won't have to talk to me anymore anyway. Now I feel really alone. I wish I didn't suck so much at life. Maybe you guys are thinking I should go out and make friends, but I've tried doing this many times, and I'm always just too socially awkward to get anywhere with this. I just want to be away from all this so bad but I can't... I'll be seeing them every single day. I wish I could just have friends and not care about this... Link to comment
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