Losing my cool and feeling bad about it

[Celadon]

Does anyone else feel bad about themselves after they lose their cool?

 

Twice in the last two weeks I've lost my cool at work. Today I swore, not at someone, but in a heated conversation with someone. I was very emotional. My heart was pounding. I had adrenaline shooting through me.

 

Thing is, I don't really understand why I feel bad. People do get angry, and I'm a person. It's like I don't really know how to handle the aftermath -- I don't know what to think or what to do to "bounce back." It's like I get stuck in, "OMG, I lost it today!"

 

Advice anyone?

 

ETA: Maybe it's because no one came up to me afterward to ask what happened or am I OK....

[sidehop]

Perhaps because you don't want to be angry or looked upon as an angry person? Most of us all lose it sometimes or just snap depending on the situation. I do too and I feel bad

[Samedy]

I think when you are at work, you really have to be careful not to lose it...

 

I teach, which can be very frustrating sometimes. If I ever feel the urge to explode, I will quickly leave the room to get a drink or go to the washroom. That way I can get a few deep breathes in.

[Shallow]

I never lose my cool, so I can't really comment in the way that you'd like.

 

However, I will say that I've always admired people who could lose their cool in a way that doesn't hurt others directly, then act like it never happened later.

 

I suppose it's because I feel I can trust them, because they typically don't hold back the good or the bad, and I always know where they stand.

 

Me . . . I hold everything in, and I'll be dead before 45 because of it.

[Celadon]

That could be, sidehop. Plus, it seems like anger has a way of de-humanizing (even though I know it's very human...). Meaning, life is somehow reduced to that one thing that has made me angry enough to swear and lose it. I come out feeling the need to affirm that life is (and I am) more than that, if that makes any sense.

 

Oh, samedy, yes, I know... The first time I lost my cool, I worried someone would write me up. This time, it still may happen. Yikes. Fortunately I don't work with minors I definitely need to learn to walk outside. Sometimes I have the need to "resolve" the situation immediately because it bothers me so much, but unfortunately it has ended up (twice now) with me expressing my anger inappropriately. sigh.

[Celadon]

I never lose my cool, so I can't really comment in the way that you'd like.

 

However, I will say that I've always admired people who could lose their cool in a way that doesn't hurt others directly, then act like it never happened later.

 

I suppose it's because I feel I can trust them, because they typically don't hold back the good or the bad, and I always know where they stand.

 

Me . . . I hold everything in, and I'll be dead before 45 because of it.

LOL. Well, Shallow, you have managed to make me see the brighter side of anger. Thank you.

 

I wouldn't have lost my cool even 10 years ago (not publicly at least) but I have a slight "I'm always right" attitude that peeks through every now and then. Otherwise, I am cool as a cucumber.

 

So why do you hold everything in?

[Shallow]

LOL. Well, Shallow, you have managed to make me see the brighter side of anger. Thank you.

 

When I read your post, I immediately thought of a few people I used to be close to (they're far away or deceased now) who are/were exactly like that.

 

Anger is passion, and passion is good. I think many people misinterpret it. It's only a negative when it's expressed as hate.

 

So why do you hold everything in?

 

I suppose the short version would be that I feel people are generally apathetic toward my plight.

 

In situations where I'm in direct conflict, I'm usually too preoccupied with coming up with possible resolutions to be angry. If I can't, then I usually just get angry with myself for not being able to solve the problem.

[Celadon]

I suppose the short version would be that I feel people are generally apathetic toward my plight.

 

In situations where I'm in direct conflict, I'm usually too preoccupied with coming up with possible resolutions to be angry. If I can't, then I usually just get angry with myself for not being able to solve the problem.

Ah, I see. I'm sorry that you feel people are generally apathetic to your concerns. I have felt similarly. In a way, you are right about the apathy. But hopefully you have a few people close to you who can be freer with, emotionally.

 

Well, that's a very practical approach -- trying to solve the problem. I should have done that today. Perhaps that's part of why I got angry. The solution was not apparent and so I ended up cussing about a guy who was trying to bully my company.

[sidehop]

That could be, sidehop. Plus, it seems like anger has a way of de-humanizing (even though I know it's very human...). Meaning, life is somehow reduced to that one thing that has made me angry enough to swear and lose it. I come out feeling the need to affirm that life is (and I am) more than that, if that makes any sense.

 

Oh, samedy, yes, I know... The first time I lost my cool, I worried someone would write me up. This time, it still may happen. Yikes. Fortunately I don't work with minors I definitely need to learn to walk outside. Sometimes I have the need to "resolve" the situation immediately because it bothers me so much, but unfortunately it has ended up (twice now) with me expressing my anger inappropriately. sigh.

 

I've been VERY careful at home about raising my voice. It's not that my parents yelled a lot or raised their voices (only when I was doing something wrong of course) I hate it.

 

Some days when I'm exhausted I get little short...and the worst part is when if my daughter does something wrong and I raise my voice, she starts crying and I feel so heartbroken I just hug her making me want to cry I try to be more aware of myself when I feel stressed or know that I may be irritated.

 

I'm just like you, I want to fix the problem right away but learning that sometimes stepping away and taking a deep breathe is far better than trying to press your own ideas or get upset about it.

[quirky]

I don't see it as a really bad thing, I'm not scared by confrontation, it doesn't put me off someone. I think it's human and honest, I prefer it because then I know where I stand. I find it difficult when people are too polite and supress their views. I don't lose my cool too much but I definitely make my point if I feel injustice. But my 2 best friends do have a bit of a bad temper when pushed and I think it's funny.

[doityourself]

Ive lost my cool couple times, cleaned a dresser off with a touch of ahand a couple months back. That was the worst Ive ever done. Hated myself for it.

 

I try and keep my anger under control but sometimes its to much to keep in. I do try and find a private place to yell at myself though when the feeling arises.

 

What type of work do you do? Maybe I should have asked that, because sometimes a few cuss words dont hurt anyone when the situatioin permits it.