I just want to go out on a date, damnit!

[Go Habs Go]

It's funny, because when I dated in the past (5 years ago), I did all the pursing. In fact, I dont think a guy has ever actually pursued me. People keep telling me that this was my problem.. that when a man is pursued, it actually makes him feel less masculine (he may not even realize it) and it off balances the whole courtship and possibly the relationship. So this time, I trying to be patient and sit back and do things differently this time around.

 

 

You have to do whatever works. But today in 2010, simply looking pretty and expecting a man to approach doesn't cut it anymore. I've been pursued and it didn't make me feel less masculine.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Ah, that might be it. I think if you just have realistic expectations you'll be fine. You can definitely gain some experience by actually going out on dates, but you have to acknowledge that it's likely that you have a great time and do something fun on every date. If you're looking for more experience, online dating is a great way to get it.

 

yeah, maybe I should focus more on the online dating thing and send out a few more messages.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

it's kind of funny that I posted this last night, because a guy actually came up to me and started a conversation while standing in line at the deli... the whole time I was hoping that he would ask me out... and it made me realize how hard the cold approach realllllly is.

 

I was standing in line and he says "does anyone know where the end of the line is?"

Me: Behind me... well, i think I am in line...

Him: That would be good!

then i laughed.

 

then like 5 mintues later after we both ordered he comes up to me and says "hey, are the sandwiches any good here?"

Me: Um, I actually don't know... I'm picking one up for my little brother. He's playing lacrosse right now and of course I got drafted into picking up his dinner".

Him: In (Townsname?) he mumbed it so i couldnt hear him.

Me: What?

Him: In (townsname)?

Me: yup!

 

and then we just stood there and waited for our sandwhiches. I am pretty sure he was interested, but that was that. I think I need to figure out how to converse better with strangers... I should have tried to keep the conversation going, but it was just so akward. Afterwards, I was thinking I should have asked him if he was new in town since he was asking about the sandwhiches, but I didnt even think of that until it was too late. Oh well, at least I got some experience and it felt good to have a guy come up and talk to me.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

You have to do whatever works. But today in 2010, simply looking pretty and expecting a man to approach doesn't cut it anymore. I've been pursued and it didn't make me feel less masculine.

 

i think im okay with actually appraoaching guys, making first contact and initiatling conversation, but this time around I really want to see what happens when I let them pursue me.. cause really, if a guy doesnt pursue, I can't imagine that he is all that interested.

[Go Habs Go]

i think im okay with actually appraoaching guys, making first contact and initiatling conversation, but this time around I really want to see what happens when I let them pursue me.. cause really, if a guy doesnt pursue, I can't imagine that he is all that interested.

 

 

There's a million reasons as to why a guy won't approach. It doesn't mean he's not interested.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

There's a million reasons as to why a guy won't approach. It doesn't mean he's not interested.

 

yes, but I'm talking about pursuing (after initial contact is made), not just approaching. i actually have been approaching and it hasn't been working. In my original post, i mentioned how ive exchanged contact info with like 10 different guys in the past month or so... and the thing is, with most of those guys, I was the one who initiated conversation and gave them my contact info... i can only assume since they didnt get in touch with me, theyre not interested. I'm guessing they exchanged info just to be nice.

[theStig]

Haha. As a girl, I would go for that.

 

Wouldn't that be nice?

 

Like a specific earing or weird parting of the hair (zig zag parting) or simply a cardboard sign around the neck that says "Ask me out pweeaaase!?!".

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Why don't you try asking some guys out instead of sitting there and waiting for them to approach you? It makes our day when girls do that, you know?

 

I have been approaching guys, but just not asking them out or pursuing them further if they dont get in touch. I dont think I made that clear in my original post. If I'm at a party, I'll say something along the lines of "hey, im milkandhoney, i dont think we met before" and then talk to them for a bit... then we'll eventually exchange info and I dont hear from them. I guess that's why I just wish a guy would actually approach and pursue me one of these days, cause then I would know that they were actually interested and not just being nice.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

so you know the guy who I went on 2 dates with a month ago and then just disapeared? He contacted me again just now out of the blue. What the eff? I emailed him about a week after our second date and he completley ignored it and now he emails me about a month since our last date and wants to see what im up to. I'm really not interested in the guy at this point. I feel like he must have went on a couple dates, couldnt find anything better so he figured he'd email me back again. UG, that' is really insulting.

[hexaemeron]

I have been approaching guys, but just not asking them out or pursuing them further if they dont get in touch. I dont think I made that clear in my original post. If I'm at a party, I'll say something along the lines of "hey, im milkandhoney, i dont think we met before" and then talk to them for a bit... then we'll eventually exchange info and I dont hear from them. I guess that's why I just wish a guy would actually approach and pursue me one of these days, cause then I would know that they were actually interested and not just being nice.

 

Stop being a spectator in your own life. If you want a date, ask someone out.

[BriarRose]

so you know the guy who I went on 2 dates with a month ago and then just disapeared? He contacted me again just now out of the blue. What the eff? I emailed him about a week after our second date and he completley ignored it and now he emails me about a month since our last date and wants to see what im up to. I'm really not interested in the guy at this point. I feel like he must have went on a couple dates, couldnt find anything better so he figured he'd email me back again. UG, that' is really insulting.

Yes, that is exactly what happened. It is insulting, isn't it? Grrrr....

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Stop being a spectator in your own life. If you want a date, ask someone out.

 

I guess the problem is that I just get so much conflicting advice, and all of it makes sense to me. Approach, dont approach. Ask a guy out, don't do the asking out. Pursue, don't pursue... I guess I will just keep trying various things.

[hexaemeron]

I guess the problem is that I just get so much conflicting advice, and all of it makes sense to me. Approach, dont approach. Ask a guy out, don't do the asking out. Pursue, don't pursue... I guess I will just keep trying various things.

 

What's the worst thing that can happen by asking someone out yourself? And when you think of that, remember the guy wondering about asking you out will think of exactly the same things. We're all in the same boat. We might as well make it easier on each other.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Yes, that is exactly what happened. It is insulting, isn't it? Grrrr....

 

very. and he emails me back like nothing ever happened. After 2 dates I was pretty sure that I didnt want to continue dating him so i wasn't too upset when he just disapeared off the face of the planet, but it's still frustrating.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

What's the worst thing that can happen by asking someone out yourself? And when you think of that, remember the guy wondering about asking you out will think of exactly the same things. We're all in the same boat. We might as well make it easier on each other.

 

yeah I get what your saying. I guess I just assume that when I give a guy my phone number/ email/ facebook and tell him we should hang out sometime and he doesnt contact me he is basically already rejecting me. I've never straight up asked a guy out, but I've pretty much made it as easy as possible on him if he was interested.

[hexaemeron]

yeah I get what your saying. I guess I just assume that when I give a guy my phone number/ email/ facebook and tell him we should hang out sometime and he doesnt contact me he is basically already rejecting me. I've never straight up asked a guy out, but I've pretty much made it as easy as possible on him if he was interested.

 

Well, there's certainly nothing to lose now by trying. If what you're doing isn't working, try something else.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

yes, i will just give it more time and try different things and see what feels right for me. I've only been actively trying to date for a month now, so I guess I shouldnt expect too much.. Just gonna keep putting myself out there.

[BriarRose]

very. and he emails me back like nothing ever happened. After 2 dates I was pretty sure that I didnt want to continue dating him so i wasn't too upset when he just disapeared off the face of the planet, but it's still frustrating.

Yes, you will encounter that a LOT with on-line dating. They will dissappear (when they meet someone else), things won't work out, and then they will start contacting you again like nothing happened. I wouldn't even respond after that long.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Yes, you will encounter that a LOT with on-line dating. They will dissappear (when they meet someone else), things won't work out, and then they will start contacting you again like nothing happened. I wouldn't even respond after that long.

 

You know what's awkward... we went to a group activity for our second "date" and since then I've actually continued to go to the activity again. It's a link removed thing and I RSVP'd a few days ago. the next one is this coming tuesday. I log on today and see that he just rsvpd today around the same time he sent me that email. So I know he will be there. I'm definitely going again. I had a great time and met a lot of fun people. I have a feeling he'll definitely approach me and ask me why I didnt write him back. He's kinda tactless. Bleh.

[LightbulbSun]

I feel the same way. I'd like to go on just one date. Just to say I've been on one. Even if the conversation sucks and we don't click, at least I can say I've 'dated.'

[bar35]

I absolutely have cold approached women before, but I have a lot of life experience, and this is definitely not the norm. Most guys don't have this kind of naked boldness, either with women or with business.

 

I think that you could stay with the online dating site if you just want to go on a date and don't care who you spend time with.

 

You said that one of your dates basically called you fat to your face, apart from the guy being obviously tactless, shallow and cruel do you have a few pounds that need to be shed?

 

That being said, maybe you really don't just want to go on a date, I sure don't. After all, it is far better to spend time positively with yourself, than with negative people who make you feel badly about your self.

 

Hang in there, do the best thing for your self and all will work itself out.

[Shallow]

I feel the same way. I'd like to go on just one date. Just to say I've been on one. Even if the conversation sucks and we don't click, at least I can say I've 'dated.'

 

Well, you and milk are about the same age, so there ya go! No, I'm not buying either of you a ticket.

 

There is a point to my not-so-clever remark though. There are hundreds or even thousands of people just like yourselves right outside your door. Seek them out.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I dont know what the heck is wrong with me. I have been sending out emails on dating sites and a guy will reply, then I will reply back and then they will stop talking to me.

 

I could stand to lose a few lbs, I've gained like 20 lbs in the past 5 years and have always been a little bit overwieght. I dont consider myself fat though, I have a shape, I'm curvy. The guy that told me that saw 2 recent pictures of me and knew my height and weight before we even met. He was just a jerk. I know that I am not some peoples type and some people would not be attracted to the extra pounds that I have, but I've had 2 great boyfriends in the past who happened to love me and my body, so i can only assume that there are others out there who would do the same.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Well, you and milk are about the same age, so there ya go! No, I'm not buying either of you a ticket.

 

There is a point to my not-so-clever remark though. There are hundreds or even thousands of people just like yourselves right outside your door. Seek them out.

 

haha, i would certainly be down. i live in new england and have no idea where he lives

 

i know what you're saying though. Maybe I just need to go out more. I dont know. I'm trying to be social and stuff but maybe i need to expand.

[BriarRose]

Honey, nothing is wrong with you. Just stop chasing for a while - let some people contact you. I know it sounds old school, but it can't hurt and may help. If you are not happy with the results, you can always go back to what you've been doing. And 20 lbs is no big deal - you have pictures posted, you are not misleading anyone in any way.