I just want to go out on a date, damnit!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I just want to go out on a date. I honestly don't even care what the guy looks like or if we have nothing in common at this point. I just want SOMEONE to ask me out on a date.

 

Tried the online thing, I went on 2 dates about a month ago. The first guy I initiated contact with, we met and he basically called me fat to my face (even after seeing recent pics of me). Second guy initiated contact with me, we met twice and then he just started ignoring me. A couple of oher guys have contacted me, but they have all been at least 15 years older than me and sent me one liners. One guy asked me to come over to his house after I told him I only met in public.

 

I've been going to classes, events, picnics parties in the past month. I exchanged info with 10 guys and not a single one has contacted me. I've been trying to smile, dress nice, be friendly, etc.

 

I dont know what I'm doing wrong. I just wish someone would ask me out. I am feeling so undesirable and it's making me feel worse than ever.

 

I would absolutely love it if i was in the grocery store or at a coffee shop and a guy approached me, but I dont think that will ever happen. Do guys even do that???

 

](*,)

[Shudder]

 

I would absolutely love it if i was in the grocery store or at a coffee shop and a guy approached me, but I dont think that will ever happen. Do guys even do that???

 

](*,)

 

ya but they have motives

[pumpkinmoon]

Just try to be patient. Things like this never happen when you want them to.

[Ebrithil]

To be fair no I dont do that I may look over and see the most attractive girl when Im in a shop or meet somone with a really nice personality that I could get on with really well like today for istance I went to the bar and there was a new girl on who was really nice to me really pritty and said oh its my first day and was a little nervous but I could never flirt properly with somone like that in case they thought I was just a player.

 

The problem is you have your fantasy you know what you want and you are looking for a relationship in particular, if you go out with the intention of just having a good time meeting new people and making friends then sometimes that can lead to somthing more, going right in for the do you want to go on a date with somone you have just met can be quite intimidating.

 

Dont look for love because what you find you may think is love but you can make things seem more real than they are, and finding good friends can be just as comforting as having a partner after all they are only one stage up from a friend.

[kombatarts99]

Body language is the best thing to master. Make eye contact, smile, and you should have no prob. you are prob going to have to initiate. that case you have control. example: if you like to read, goto a book store find a guy you want to meet pick a book in the section he is in and drop it next to him. chances are he'll pick it up and give it to you. there's your opener.

[Shallow]

I would absolutely love it if i was in the grocery store or at a coffee shop and a guy approached me, but I dont think that will ever happen. Do guys even do that???

 

I wouldn't.

 

The only place I really approach women is at a party or something, because I can ask around and find out if they're a) available and b) might be interested. If I don't have anything to go on, I don't bother.

 

I just want to go out on a date. I honestly don't even care what the guy looks like or if we have nothing in common at this point. I just want SOMEONE to ask me out on a date.

 

A couple of oher guys have contacted me, but they have all been at least 15 years older . . .

 

Well, that rules me out.

 

Seriously though . . . patience. You just started this new outlook a week or so ago, and it takes time. If you stick with it and don't see any results by the end of summer, I'd be surprised. At that point, we'll have to come up with a new game plan for you or something. Until then, try and relax.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

 

Seriously though . . . patience. You just started this new outlook a week or so ago, and it takes time. If you stick with it and don't see any results by the end of summer, I'd be surprised. At that point, we'll have to come up with a new game plan for you or something. Until then, try and relax.

 

lol, no i started this new outlook over a month ago when I signed up for online dating. I just started posting about it a week ago when I noticed I wasn't getting anywhere.

 

I'm going to a dinner party thing on saturday and a class on tuesday... and crossing my fingers.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I guess I'm just frustrated. So you guys are saying that going out to the grocery store or lunch by myself more often isn't going to increase my chances of getting a date cause men rarely approach women blindly like that?

[Celadon]

Yeah, online dating can be discouraging sometimes, but hang in there. Even my most miserable single friend eventually found someone online (after she took a break from dating, oddly enough).

[Shallow]

I guess I'm just frustrated. So you guys are saying that going out to the grocery store or lunch by myself more often isn't going to increase my chances of getting a date cause men rarely approach women blindly like that?

 

People are at those places because they have to eat, not because they're looking for a date. You need to put yourself in situations where people are looking to be social.

 

I've never cold-approached a woman in my life, and I've been around awhile. This might help explain why I'm single, but that's another discussion entirely.

[sophie274]

I think you're expecting a bit too much. I get the feeling you're now anxious to put the past behind you and turn over a new leaf by getting out there and dating, but it's more the exception than the rule for women to have dates every night, as least from what I observe around me.

 

And the fact is, you don't just want a date, right? You want one where the guy is nice and where you two have a good time and where you hear from him again, yes? That takes time. I think you might be dealing too much in volume or quantity right now, and not in quality. Going on dates that are complete duds is not going to make you feel good, so I'd reign in the adding of guys on facebook and all that, and focus of meeting guys and seeing if you click, and then trying to take things further. It doesn't make much sense to me to go on a date with just anyone. Even if you meet guys you like, they might just not be looking for a date, or have their eye on someone else, or not be feeling the "click", or whatever million other reasons there are for not asking someone else. It's not always (and not often) a judgment on how desirable you are.

 

I consider myself reasonably attractive, and I spend a lot of time alone, but I still rarely get asked out. It's really quite a bold move for a man to approach you "out of nowhere" and I don't think it happens all that often.

 

So I say keep meeting new people, looking cute, smiling, being approachable, and sifting through online profiles to see if anyone catches your eye - but have patience. Most people don't get snapped up right away.

 

Is this the longest you've been single?

[Blackey]

Heyyy wanna go out with me ?

[theStig]

All girls should wear some kind of an indication when they really want us guys to ask them out. Would make things real easy.

[Celadon]

Haha. As a girl, I would go for that.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Nope, I've only been in 2 relationships before and was single for a year between them.

 

I think I really just miss having a mans company. I love men. I love hanging out with them and I would much rather be around men than women. I think one of the problems is since my breakup 6 months ago, I have really not hung out just with a guy. I used to hang out my ex and his friends when we were together and that was more than enough, but I never had my own guy friends. So when we broke up, I pretty much lost my male friends/aquaintences.

 

I honestly think thats why I'm feeling so desperate. It's not that I'm even really looking for a deep committed relationship right now. If that came about, cool, thats what i ultimately want, but I'm not anxious just to jump right into a relationship ... Don't get me wrong, I do want more than friendship, but I would be perfectly happy just causual dating for a while. I want to date to have fun and get out there and just have a man to enjoy the day or night with together. I just love spending time one on one with a guy, talking, and having a good time. I miss that. It's like I'm craving it and just can't get that itch scratched. I think that's why I say I dont care who he is or what he looks like, or if we are even compatible.

[orchidrose]

But here's the thing: if you're not compatible with a guy, or attracted to him, or even like anything about him, you're not going to "enjoy a day or night together." You're going to have an awful date where you have nothing to talk about or the guy is weird and you're going to feel defeated and terrible. It's very tough to go on a date like one you describe. You probably go on five or six awful or mediocre ones to get one that's even vaguely fun.

[Batya33]

But here's the thing: if you're not compatible with a guy, or attracted to him, or even like anything about him, you're not going to "enjoy a day or night together." You're going to have an awful date where you have nothing to talk about or the guy is weird and you're going to feel defeated and terrible. It's very tough to go on a date like one you describe. You probably go on five or six awful or mediocre ones to get one that's even vaguely fun.

 

Yes I agree - been there, done that. Would you like to be on a date where a man picked you because "I just like being around women, any women, whether or not we have anything in common, thank you for helping me scratch my itch". You'd probably be offended and find it sexist. Men - who are individuals! - will pick up on your desperate vibe.

 

As far as the "fat" comment - that is so rude! Are you trying to lose weight? While some men I met didn't care if a woman was very overweight, most did, fair or not. I am not sure if you are overweight or how much if you are but that might be something you might want to focus on - and of course working out/outdoor physical activity is a great way to meet men and women.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

But here's the thing: if you're not compatible with a guy, or attracted to him, or even like anything about him, you're not going to "enjoy a day or night together." You're going to have an awful date where you have nothing to talk about or the guy is weird and you're going to feel defeated and terrible. It's very tough to go on a date like one you describe. You probably go on five or six awful or mediocre ones to get one that's even vaguely fun.

 

I see what you're saying. I guess the thing is, I'm really not picky. I tend to look past peoples "wierdness" and looks don't determine whether or not I will have fun on the date or not. I enjoy a person for their company and their conversation. I mean, yeah, compatibility/attraction is important in the long run, but I really just want to get out there and get some more dating experience under my wing. Plus, you never know who you will "click" with.

 

Maybe I just havn't had enough good dates in my life to make me see the difference though.

[adonis_boy]

Why don't you try asking some guys out instead of sitting there and waiting for them to approach you? It makes our day when girls do that, you know?

[Go Habs Go]

Why don't you try asking some guys out instead of sitting there and waiting for them to approach you? It makes our day when girls do that, you know?

 

 

Unfortunately, many women abide by "The Rules". When they do, this is what happens.

[orchidrose]

I see what you're saying. I guess the thing is, I'm really not picky. I tend to look past peoples "wierdness" and looks don't determine whether or not I will have fun on the date or not. I enjoy a person for their company and their conversation. I mean, yeah, compatibility/attraction is important in the long run, but I really just want to get out there and get some more dating experience under my wing. Plus, you never know who you will "click" with.

 

Maybe I just havn't had enough good dates in my life to make me see the difference though.

 

Have you done a lot of dating in the past? I know you said earlier in the thread that you've been in 2 relationships, with a year between them - did you date in that intervening year, or prior to your first relationship?

 

I ask because sometimes people who don't actually get out there and go on dates can have a kind of skewed perception of dating. I know I did before I started doing it. I was very sheltered until later into college and I remember telling people that I just wanted to go out and have a nice time and have a guy pay for my dinner. That's just not how it works. Even if you're not picky, and even if you're not ultimately looking for a LTR, it's still very tough to even have one good date with somebody. There are a lot of things that need to happen for you to enjoy yourself, and compatibility is the biggest.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

No, I actuall havn't done a lot of dating at all... I think that might be my issue. My first relationship was from 14-19 and I met him in math class in 8th grade... we were together all through high school and part of my first year of college, so I never did the dating thing in school. I did date 5 or 6 guys in the year in between relationships, overall I had a pretty good time. i was always interested and hoped the guys i went out with would persue but they all fizzled out until I met my current ex. We met, and instantly became best friends, no exageration. There was only 1 guy that I went out during that time that I really did not want anything to do with and I had to turn him down. He was talking about meeting his parents on the first date!

 

But yeah, I dont have a lot of dating experience and I guess that's part of the reason i just want to get out there.. to get some!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Unfortunately, many women abide by "The Rules". When they do, this is what happens.

 

It's funny, because when I dated in the past (5 years ago), I did all the pursing. In fact, I dont think a guy has ever actually pursued me. People keep telling me that this was my problem.. that when a man is pursued, it actually makes him feel less masculine (he may not even realize it) and it off balances the whole courtship and possibly the relationship. So this time, I trying to be patient and sit back and do things differently this time around.

[orchidrose]

Ah, that might be it. I think if you just have realistic expectations you'll be fine. You can definitely gain some experience by actually going out on dates, but you have to acknowledge that it's likely that you have a great time and do something fun on every date. If you're looking for more experience, online dating is a great way to get it.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Yes I agree - been there, done that. Would you like to be on a date where a man picked you because "I just like being around women, any women, whether or not we have anything in common, thank you for helping me scratch my itch". You'd probably be offended and find it sexist. Men - who are individuals! - will pick up on your desperate vibe.

 

As far as the "fat" comment - that is so rude! Are you trying to lose weight? While some men I met didn't care if a woman was very overweight, most did, fair or not. I am not sure if you are overweight or how much if you are but that might be something you might want to focus on - and of course working out/outdoor physical activity is a great way to meet men and women.

 

i have been a little overweight my entire life. I'm not huge by any means, but could stand to lose a few lbs. I consider myself curvy, not fat. I gained about 20 lbs in the past 5 years since I first met my ex. I'm definitely tryign to be more healthy, but I'm not gonna go on a diet just to attract more men. I'm actually going to new outside activitiy class next saturday. I know there are some guys who are not attracted to my body type, but on the flipside, there are definitely some that are.