So mad

[velvette]

I feel violated, almost. my mom's sister recently flew in, and although she's over 50 she looks 30, fit, etc. my mom is 5'3 and weighs 90ish pounds, sister's a bit shorter and maybe nearing 100 (don't know really, but she's definitely not fat). they all grew up with a "thin is better" mentality. fine. but then they make ME feel awful for being NORMAL. (5'4, 110 pounds)

 

when I had my back to her, stretching casually, she suddenly puts both her hands around my waist. what (I have not seen this women for 2 years, and this is day 2 of seeing her for the first time since)?! I give her the deer-in-headlights look after jumping back a meter or two. she says, "oh, your daughter must have a 24 inch waist" (in a tone that suggested 24 is huge). my mom's like, "yeah, it's like me, now, old and after childbirth. she must be still a little bigger than me though" and then they reminisce about their young adulthood and how it was suuuch a shame to be anything bigger than 20 inches (?!?!??), and how the BIGGEST you were really supposed to be is 21 inches blah blah blah kids these days get too much nutrition blah blah as if I wasn't even there. that was... dinner talk. yeah fun.

 

 

just wanted to vent. I'd tell bf but he's unavailable right now, so ENA must be my ear. >___

 

UGH

[sophie274]

I'm so sorry. But listen to me, it's not you, it's THEM. It sounds like you know that, somewhere inside, but don't listen to that little voice (and their voice) telling you you're the one with a problem. They sound like to me like they're straight out of Gone With the Wind, pining after Scarlett O'Hara's 17-inch waist that was the smallest in three counties.

 

Your figure sounds absolutely gorgeous just the way it is - not to mention plenty slender.

 

If you can, try to let their comments slide like water off a duck's back. But if you're at dinner, I think it's fine to say "talking about weight during dinner is such a buzzkill - why don't we change the subject?" and if your aunt brings up your weight, tell her "you know what, I'm happy with my figure and don't want to discuss it". You don't have to grin and bear it, but it's best to just cut them short rather than blow up at them, if you can help it.

 

That's the short term. It does sound like you have a very negative body image, so in the long-term, perhaps you could start doing things that might help you build a better body image. Counseling is obvious, but a lot of women with poor body image find that being involved in a sport, something physical, really helps them view their body as the strong, powerful machine it is, and feel much more positive about it. Takes the focus off of fat and inches and puts it onto strength and capability and health, which is where it should be.

[savignon]

You shouldn't brush it off. You should let them know it upset you and that it's not okay to talk about your weight, figure or talk about you as if you're not in the room.

[sophie274]

Just to clarify something, while on the one hand I personally do feel you shouldn't have to listen to them discuss your "fatness" in front of you, I also know you're not going to change their warped perception, and argument will be fruitless. So don't engage in their comments - as in, don't start the whole "omg you're crazy you're the one who has issues" thing, just because it won't go anywhere - but close the subject when it comes up. Something like "I'm happy with my body, so let's change the subject" or "This is really not something I want to discuss with you" or "My body is not up for discussion", well, you get the gist.

[savignon]

"I'm happy with my body, so let's change the subject" or "This is really not something I want to discuss with you" or "My body is not up for discussion", well, you get the gist.

Excellent suggestions!! It's always hard to have the right response at the right time, so think about these examples some more so you're ready for next time!

[sidehop]

Your mom's sister sounds very insecure.

[petite]

Your mother and aunt seem very insecure. Do not listen to what they say. You are at a normal height/weight ratio. If they choose to be stick thin and if that is the most important thing in their life so be it. There are so many more factors to consider, like being healthy.

 

If you can block their comments right out and if you're like me, give them a piece of your mind regarding what they say. I certainly wouldn't put up with that kind of ridiculousness.

[velvette]

ok I'm over it. I told my bf and he said he loved me the way I am, that my waist is one of his favorite parts hahaha etc. but anyway, the only thing I can do is ignore them. I have tried talking to mom about it (especially when she calls my friends 'fat' or says they've gained weight! I tell her it's inappropriate here, she goes 'oh really?' and does it again), etc, but it doesn't work. confrontations are useless, I will never change their minds, so I'm just going to leave it. plus I freeze-up and can't think of anything to say when the topic shifts to weight. ): if I changed the topic it'd just be awkward silence for a while, OR they would start making fun of my sensitivity and talk behind my back lol.

 

I'm gonna try to be that duck with the water and stuff.

 

on another note, you are right, sister does seem insecure. she's always text messaging random guys, I found out she's always flirting with younger men and likes to think her husband loves/needs her more than she does. also, she's always comparing herself to my mom (her shorter status and heavier weight puts her closer to normal than stick-thin) and trying to lose weight. mom also has reason to be insecure (dad cheated on her with a women half her age, only a couple years older than me), and really I'm doing better than they are in terms of the kind of guy I'm with so far, so I'll just ignore them. >__

 

thanks for your views on the subject, ena! I wonder if there's any quiet lurkers out there who silently agree with my mom/sis hahaha.