1 year of games what do I do?

[hero112]

Hon, don't take this the wrong way, but what in the world is wrong with you. You are still in this game with this woman that you dated for a few months? I truly don't understand how someone can keep asking for advice and yet keep doing the opposite and wonder why it doesn't 'work'.

 

As DN keeps telling you, you need to cut her off and be done with it. You could have been in another relationship by now. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if you even want to move on.

 

Everybody is right! I have no real anger towards her but I realized that she is not someone that I would ever want to be part of my life. I can say that I have learnt more about relationships with her than any other girl in my life. So I thank her for that. I wish her all the best but we are done. I am going NC completely and ill have a one month head start. I have peace of mind knowing I tried everything I could possibly do. I have no regrets, I followed my heart and even tho things didnt turn out the way I wanted them to be I walked away a better person. I always cared about her feelings but she never cared about mine. Respect precedes love and she has disrepected me so many times that I cannot count. She is not the only one to blame because I kept thinking in the back of my mind that its going to be different this time even tho it always turned out to be the same. Its like as if I was touching a electric fence thinking its not going to zap me this time but I realized that people dont change & it is what it is. I have my self respect and my family and thats more important than any girl will be.

[hero112]

So everyone, I did the craziest thing I have ever done in my life, for the past two days i messaged her and she didn't respond back. I texted her like 4 times yesterday until she responded and I asked her. I just want to see you one last time, and after that I promise whatever we agree on I will stick to it..

 

She finally messages me back and says, im not available until 830 and i said thats fine, that I would pick her up at 9. She says, does this mean I finally get my birthday gift?? lol, and i said as long as i get mine.

 

A few hours goes by and she messages me and tells me that she doesn't think its a good idea that we hang out and that she's sorry. I said i am not taking no for an answer ill be there at 9. She says that you can come but she wont be there, that she's going out. I said i hope she's home but ill be there. She says she's at her breaking point, that she's moved on that I cant expect her to come in and out of her life and demand to see her. I explained to her, that I care for her but she's so unstable at time that its impossible to show that I care for her because all she does is cancel.

 

She still says that to not come and that she doesn't owe me anything & that she is interested in dating someone and wants to move on and let me tell you guys. I have done everything for this girl and been a gentleman, the only one time I have not been there is when she wanted me to get her a weight loss drug that I chose not to get her. I told her that I have always been there for you & i do care for you so i'm coming to your house at 9 & say it to my face that you want me to move on and I sware I will be out of your life. She messages me and says fine I will but not today. don't waste your time im not going to be home and the guilt trip wont work, you don't give a * * * * about me.

 

If I didn't give a * * * * about her I could have disappeared and left a long time ago but I do care for her. So I went against logic and went to her house, her car was outside and the lights were turned off, I knocked on the door and no one answered, i stayed outside for about 20 minutes and called her a bunch of times. She just turned her phone off.

 

So I leave and I go to a store, with my emotions running very high I am thinking to myself I am going to write her a nasty text messaging saying that she could have the decency to say it to my face after all of this. That she is the most selfish, self centred person I have ever met. Instead of that I go buy flowers and write in the card "I have always cared for you but how I can i show you when all you do is cancel, I have my closure now & have a nice life."

 

While im driving to her house she messages me and says "why did you come by my house when I told you not to" so that means she was home!! Then I had an epiphany when we first were going to meet up she asked me about her birthday gift and then she sends me this message to just get a reaction from me. I finally saw the painted picture and I said to myself, what the hell is wrong with me!! She's using me to fulfill her ego, emotionally and her self confidence, she really is a horrible person thats cruel and I want to have nothing to do with her. I turned around and I went home and gave the flowers to my mum. She knows how to hurt me and thats all she wants to do.

 

I never responded back to her message and I am not going to it is finally done! I have my closure and want to have nothing to do with her!

[Ms Darcy]

I suspect you are starting to look pathetic in her eyes. You keep saying you are letting it go and then you do crazy things. One year later ... still obsessing about a relationship of a few months. I think you might need some therapy to help you move on and stop acting impulsively.

[hero112]

I suspect you are starting to look pathetic in her eyes. You keep saying you are letting it go and then you do crazy things. One year later ... still obsessing about a relationship of a few months. I think you might need some therapy to help you move on and stop acting impulsively.

 

This might sound stupid but I just wanted to make sure I did everything I could. I have my closure now and I don't want to have anything to do with her. I know this doesn't make it right but she was the one who kept playing the games and I was stupid to go along. She would agree and then cancel thats all she would do, she knew thats what hurt me.But it's done and over with now & thats the craziest thing I have ever done in my life was to show up at her house and i told her I was.

 

thank you

[hero112]

Ms Darcy, I have seen a councillor about this and I told him that I felt obsessed with this girl. I have never felt this way about anyone, when she told me yesterday that you dont give a * * * * about me, I might be stupid and do stuff in impulse but again I did care for her. And going to her house last night, I just wanted to see her face to face and she agreed to it. Thinking about it and looking back maybe not the best thing to do, but I told her I was going to come and I kept my word this time. I would love your insight in this as you seem very experienced.

 

I feel much better and I know if she messages I will not respond and I have no urge to. She led me on and I know she cared about me and I felt something that day a couple months ago when I ran into her that she was scared to get close to me. I went NC on her so many times and went back to her when she tried. What I said and my actions were not the same, and thats why I felt that I had to go yesterday. I am not crazy just a fool that fell for the wrong girl.

[Cadence44]

You asked me to read your update. Here is what I think:

 

I am not crazy just a fool that fell for the wrong girl.

 

I do not agree with this at all. You have serious problems with impulse and self-control. This has absolutely nothing to do with this girl anymore yet you continue to blame her for her actions. That is disturbed thinking.

 

There was absolutely no need to talk to her or see her "one last time". You are clearly not in love with this girl. You are obsessed with trying to get the upper hand and you are addicted to the drama. It has nothing to do with her as a person.

 

Also, she's learned over time how to push your buttons, and she does it skillfully. She enjoys it when you get out of control and you never seem to disappoint her in that regard. Is that flattering to you? Is that love? No. You do not love her and she does not love you.

 

Seriously, I think you are one step away from a restraining order. Therefore, you have to be done making excuses or thinking about "one last" anythings. It is done and over with because you cannot handle anything else. Block her phone number so she cannot text or call you and change your settings so that any emails from her go directly to junk mail. You have no self-control, so you also have to delete her phone number and email address so that you cannot access them.

 

You seem like a guy who has decent intentions but you are obsessed and cannot see the forest through the trees. This thread has the same advice to you over and over: STOP. You do the opposite of what everyone tells you and then you keep coming back asking for help. You are an addict and you have to make the choice to get better and stick to it. Until you make those choices and there is evidence of you doing so, I won't be responding anymore because there is nothing more to say. I'd wish you good luck, but luck has nothing to do with it. It is all in your control.

[hero112]

Thank you everyone for all the time everyone took to read my thread. This is the end, I dont want to talk about her anymore this chapter of my life is closed. We live and learn and thank you to her and more importantly I learnt alot from you guys & this situation. I will NEVER speak to her again.

 

Take care everyone