Breadwinner

[Hermes]

DN:

 

I was asking Greywolf "what is a female job" seeing that she first mentioned this.

Greywolf said:

 

Women are encouraged to get into traditionally male jobs, while female jobs are looked down on

 

AS far as I am concerned, a job or profession is a job or profession, and one is lucky these days to have employment. There are also many small businesses where husband and wife (or two people in a relationship) work together in the business.

 

And, and, in these difficult times there are cases where the husband/partner does not have a job or has been made redundant, while his wife DOES have a job, and he stays in the home as what is I believe called "Mr. Mom." And that is fine too.

 

 

I can't see what the big deal is!

 

H

[Hermes]

What I am trying to say is that society still looks down on traditional female jobs

 

Well, maybe it does where you are Greywolf (no offense). Here it is good to have a job, and no one is "looked down upon" because he or she is doing a certain job.

 

H

[DN]

DN:

 

I was asking Greywolf "what is a female job" seeing that she first mentioned this.

Greywolf said:

 

 

 

AS far as I am concerned, a job or profession is a job or profession, and one is lucky these days to have employment. There are also many small businesses where husband and wife (or two people in a relationship) work together in the business.

 

And, and, in these difficult times there are cases where the husband/partner does not have a job or has been made redundant, while his wife DOES have a job, and he stays in the home as what is I believe called "Mr. Mom." And that is fine too.

 

 

I can't see what the big deal is!

 

H

I was pointing out an apparent inconsistency in that you were saying on the one hand that there should be no such thing as 'female' or 'male' jobs but that if a woman wants to stay home that is her choice while omitting that men should also be able to choose to do that.

 

And I was also pointing out that if someone wants to stay home then that should only happen if their partner is OK with being the sole means of financial support. It should be a joint decision without pressure.

[LAYAAN]

I will definitely like to sit home, cherish hobbies, enjoy my life.

 

Now the issue is this - 1) Will my husband allow it? 2) Will my husband respect me if I didn't make even a dime? 3) Will my husband give me free access to his money to shop at my will, spend money to buy little stuff for my hobbies, etc. if I didn't make a dime?

 

I think in today's world in all honesty answer to all these Qs is a NO and that is the reason why I will be going to work, to maintain my self-esteem, hopefully to keep my brain engaged enough that I don't pick my husband's brain after he comes home from work. Its my fantasy to marry someone and just chill, go shopping, go to spa, get my nails done, get my hair done, go to art exhibits and just enjoy my life. If there are no kids involved then its even more fun. I can then do whatever I want. I know this is never gonna happen. My husband is not my dad to let this happen. I know my dad will not mind if I just sat home and did what I wanted to do. He tells me often, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you. You are our only child." I'm not sure that he means it, but anyways, I'm glad that the option is still open. I'm not sure that I want to use it and how things would turn once he knows that I'm really doing nothing.

Honestly, I envy those women's lives who have nannies, chauffeurs, money, their husband doesn't complain. I would want to have that life.

[dragon lady]

I'm glad I'm not the only one brave enough to admit this. Sure, it may not be socially acceptable to live this way, but it would be mighty tempting if the offer was on the table. My recent introduction to the workforce has confirmed this for me.

 

Not that it ever will happen...but it's nice to dream.

[LAYAAN]

hey dragonlady,

thanks! so I have someone here who has similar feelings about sitting home.

and why do you think its socially not acceptable? What you 2 as a couple are comfortable with is what you need to figure out and focus on. Who cares about the society? They are not there to help you.

[dragon lady]

hey dragonlady,

thanks! so I have someone here who has similar feelings about sitting home.

and why do you think its socially not acceptable? What you 2 as a couple are comfortable with is what you need to figure out and focus on. Who cares about the society? They are not there to help you.

 

It's not socially acceptable because it is seen as lazy and boring. Why should I get to stay home and pursue hobbies with my endless leisure time while everyone else has to bust their ass at work? Besides, a busy person is an interesting person. That's the way people would look at it.

 

On the other hand, I would see that as an opportunity just to chill out. My anxiety is already through the roof and a neurotic worker does not make a good worker. I wouldn't be surprised if my work-related stress put me into a very early grave.

 

Maybe I'll mention this to the boyfriend when he gets home. He'll probably make me sleep on the couch

 

Again, I agree that it's up to the couple to choose what's right for them. If they have the means, then they can do whatever they want.

[pl3asehelp]

So for both married partners to work and pay for daycare for even one kid, you both have to be making over 100k where I live. If one of you makes less, then once you figure in the increased tax bracket of the second income and subtract out childcare expenses you basically are not getting ahead at all. You're choosing to work while someone else raises you kid all day. Why not stay at the exact same income level and raise your own kid? And then if you have a second, well you'd be losing money to work and pay for daycare for 2 kids. And taking care of babies all day and night is harder than any salaried job I've ever worked.

 

Continuing to work as a sort of insurance policy against getting divorced seems sad.

[dragon lady]

So for both married partners to work and pay for daycare for even one kid, you both have to be making over 100k where I live. If one of you makes less, then once you figure in the increased tax bracket of the second income and subtract out childcare expenses you basically are not getting ahead at all. You're choosing to work while someone else raises you kid all day. Why not stay at the exact same income level and raise your own kid? And then if you have a second, well you'd be losing money to work and pay for daycare for 2 kids. And taking care of babies all day and night is harder than any salaried job I've ever worked.

 

Continuing to work as a sort of insurance policy against getting divorced seems sad.

 

Some women get bored ****less staying at home all day. My mother took a year off work after having my brother and then a year off after having me a few years later. She said that it was incredibly mind numbing and she much preferred working. It's not always about the cost. Good thing she did this because my father turned abusive not long after and she had enough savings to get away and take us with her.

 

To me it sounds like a very smart thing to have a source of income outside of your spouse. What my mother went through is not uncommon, though often the women in these situations can't get away. I would hardly call it a good thing for them to remain in these marriages.