Breadwinner

[Hurting85]

How many people still accept the old fashioned idea that the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker? Not necessarily that you would put yourself in that situation, but do you have issues with people who do it?

[hexaemeron]

How many people still accept the old fashioned idea that the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker? Not necessarily that you would put yourself in that situation, but do you have issues with people who do it?

 

I wouldn't tell anyone what to do in their own lives in marriages, but I do not like the idea for my relationships. Cost of living (especially in San Francisco) requires 2 incomes for comfort at the level to which I'm accustomed.

[Sunny1607307996]

There is nothing wrong with that division of labor if that's the way the couple wants it to be.

[sidehop]

Depends on the relationship but I don't really believe in traditional role, like Hex said nowadays it's very common for couples to be both working.

[Shortpants]

Not at all. I think there is a stigma attached for some people, but not for me. I grew up with my mom at home, and I would LOVE to be able to be a stay at home mom and take care of my kid and husband, but in this day and age 2 incomes is the only way to keep your head above water. At least where I live.

 

I accept the idea as it is not "old fashioned" but just a change in the way people live their lives now versus back when it was the norm for the wife to stay home and the husband to work. I know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom and keep up the house, do the cooking, etc, etc... it is a full time job in and of itself. You just don't get paid cash money for it!

[Hermes]

Indeed, nowadays both spouses need to go out to work in order to pay the mortgage and expenses. There are very few famiies, here at least, where this is not the case.

 

Certainly if a woman can afford to, and chooses to stay at home, then it is her and her spouse's business.

 

H

[SocialStigma]

I don't. I have no plans whatsoever to be a homemaker so I have non qualms about other women doing the same. I would actually encourage it unless a woman preferred to be a homemaker, more income is always nice. My mom quit her career to be a stay at home mom when I was born and I know she is very bored

[Day_Walker]

I think that people can choose their roles within the context of their relationship. As for my personal feelings, I do not believe in the whole breadwinner/housewife mentality. There is too much economic inequality within the relationship and it seems to me that kind of relationship subjugates one person, which is the housewife.

[dragon lady]

I would actually really like to not work. If someone wanted to support me, I'd be all for it. The time would be spent doing all kinds of activities. Being a SAHM would be a different matter. That would bore me to tears.

 

As for other people, I don't believe that a woman's place is in the home. I think it's great that they can work, or not if that's what the couple decides.

[hexaemeron]

I would actually really like to not work. If someone wanted to support me, I'd be all for it. The time would be spent doing all kinds of activities. Being a SAHM would be a different matter. That would bore me to tears.

 

As for other people, I don't believe that a woman's place is in the home. I think it's great that they can work, or not if that's what the couple decides.

 

Could I trouble you to expand on the bolded? What does this mean exactly?

[dragon lady]

Could I trouble you to expand on the bolded? What does this mean exactly?

 

 

I would happily not work, but I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mother, or any kind of mother for that matter.

[hexaemeron]

I would happily not work, but I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mother, or any kind of mother for that matter.

 

So what would you do?

[rosephase]

I try not to but I do kind of look down on women in the "homemaker" role. I can understand it if there are a lot of kids, so I try really hard not to let that effect the way I think about people but it sneaks in there. If no kids are involved I feel like it's just laziness.

[dragon lady]

So what would you do?

 

 

Read, play tennis, volunteer, study, swim, go hiking, spend time with pets, spend time with family, cook...

 

This is never going to happen, by the way. It's just a fantasy of mine.

[hexaemeron]

Read, play tennis, volunteer, study, swim, go hiking, spend time with pets, spend time with family, cook...

 

This is never going to happen, by the way. It's just a fantasy of mine.

 

Understood. Thank you for the indulgence.

[newwave]

I have no intention of ever being a stay at home wife. When I spoke to the guy I love the other night, he told me he doesn't want a stay at home wife either, and that we couldn't have kids unless both of us are working.

 

I don't care if a woman (or a man) stays at home, but not all "stay at home" people actually work hard. I have a friend who's a stay at home mom (her kids are at school) and all she does all day is surf the web and eat (she weighs over 300 pounds). I had another friend who had a "stay at home husband" (no kids at home) and he sat around too. I know several other stay at home moms where they do no cooking and cleaning. One shops, works out, gets her nails done, etc all day and has a maid and a nanny.

[vaporleak]

I feel like there is nothing wrong with it, to each their own. Although, if it was a best friend or a sister, then I'd be like... "MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY!!!!!"... period. I know for a fact it's a big risk letting someone support you, it's very sketchy territory especially if you have a baby. I'm new school, yet I don't harshly judge others I randomly meet on the street that do it.

[babii doll]

i have no issues with women who do that, but i can only imagine the boredom kicking in shortly after that arrangement.

 

fortunately cost of living here doesnt necessarily require 2 incomes to get by. my fiancee and i are pretty traditional and he would prefer me to stay at home, but if i wanted to work he wouldnt mind a part time atleast to keep me occupied.

[Hermes]

The working wives and mothers I know certainly do not have it easy. Their schedule is punishing, from when they get up in the early hours, until they crash into bed at night, for maybe 6 hours sleep.

 

Many working wives I know are doctors, lawyers, an engineer or two, etc. and they leave me in awe at how they are able to juggle everything.

 

H

[Lady Rashomon]

How many people still accept the old fashioned idea that the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker? Not necessarily that you would put yourself in that situation, but do you have issues with people who do it?

 

People are entitled to do what they want, but I think this is a recipe for disaster. Especially if a relationship doesn't work out and a woman finds herself without the necessary set of skills to support herself. I learned as a child that women should always be financially independent, and barring that, at least have a Plan B.

[orchidrose]

People are entitled to do what they want, but I think this is a recipe for disaster. Especially if a relationship doesn't work out and a woman finds herself without the necessary set of skills to support herself. I learned as a child that women should always be financially independent, and barring that, at least have a Plan B.

 

Yep, this is what happened to my mom. Dropped out of college and got married at 23. Got divorced in her late thirties only to find that she had absolutely no marketable skills and couldn't get a job. She went back and got her BA in her early forties, but no one really wants to hire an older woman with no work history who just graduated from college.

 

As others have said, I think people can decide what's best for their relationship and their personal happiness, but I couldn't imagine staying at home and having my husband be the breadwinner. I have thought about staying home with kids for a few years, but even then, I work in a profession that lends itself well to freelancing, so I would still want to do some work. I wouldn't feel fulfilled without it.

[Hermes]

My father used to say that every woman should have a career or skills, no matter what, given that all kinds of things can happen in life. He was most insistent on that point. A woman may find herself widowed, and sometimes widowed quite young, (or divorced/separated), and unable to support herself. A terrible scenario.

 

H.

[hexaemeron]

My father used to say that every woman should have a career or skills, no matter what, given that all kinds of things can happen in life. He was most insistent on that point. A woman may find herself widowed, and sometimes widowed quite young, (or divorced/separated), and unable to support herself. A terrible scenario.

 

H.

 

Everyone should have skills and education in order to support him/herself.

[DN]

What people choose to do is up to them.

 

But I emphasise the word 'choose' because all to often people are pressured into certain traditional gender roles and go along with it although they don't really want to.

 

I would also advise caution - too often people agree to these roles and then things go wrong. A woman can find herself on her own with little income, because of desertion, death or divorce, without adequate income and few or no marketable skills with which to start anew.

 

Similarly, men can find themselves supporting a wife and children in their former home while he lives in cheap and inadequate rooms while struggling to be properly involved in his children's lives and keeping his head above water financially.

 

Given the divorce rate - it takes a lot of optimism to enter into a single income relationship.

[Hermes]

I agree with every word, DN.

 

H