Do you see yourself contacting your ex again?

[jimmajam]

Do you see yourself ever contact your ex again after you have healed, in control and no longer hold any animosity or bad feelings towards them?

 

I know a lot of people will say there is no point or that they treated you so bad you have to be stupid to reach out to them so include why or why not?

[GenoGeno]

I dunno this one is tough for me, I treated my ex pretty bad during the relationship and was pretty hard on her. Made her cry quite a bit because i was stressed with my life.

 

Now the tables have turned, she has me right where she wants me, and hurts my feelings all the time and I kind of just let it happen because I was an ass....

 

I've decided though i can't take her being so * * * * ty to me all the time so am not really talking to her anymore. I know she's a good person deep inside and that I am. So i could see one of us reaching out in the future when all the thought of pain we caused each other has resided, but maybe we won't.

[d_lilah]

I won't. Simply because I know he won't reply. Our last contact was not amicable, and while I have let go of what once was, I don't believe he cares for me, even a little.

 

If I thought that there was a chance of him replying and being friendly, I might have. But history shows that it isn't going to happen.

 

It makes me a little sad how things have worked out, but there is nothing to do but move on...unfortunately they haven't invented time machines yet.

[Cognitive_Canine]

We were never really friends, so, no. I see him from time to time and we're nice to each other. But, it makes me realize how wrong we were for each other. We'd talk about music and work.

[Brigadoon]

I really can't see myself contacting him unless there was a bereavement or something of that type. I'm not a complete cow after all.

I should imagine that after a good length of time and the end of his present relationship (she hates me, so he's not allowed anywhere near me. I'm not complaining) he'll want to go down the "let's be friends" road. I'm not really interested but I can see myself doing polite chit chat if we end up in the same place in order to avoid awkwardness for everyone else.

That's about it; he can forget about birthday and holiday greetings and anything of that type though.

[anu1560]

I never ever looked back once I took the courage to move on. So I never ever will look back. I don't think I will contact him again. I don't hate him. But I just want to let past be past and not become my present. There was a reason that we broke up. So no point going back and bringing the ghost back in the present. Life is too short too brood over one person.

[Shortpants]

No, never. Not so much because of my feelings, but according to him I am evil incarnate and don't deserve to breathe the same air as him. Mind you, the ex is a controlling, verbally abusive, narcissist so I really have no desire to contact him ever again. But even if I were to need to contact him for something, I would liken it to talking to the abominable snowman... coooold! LOL I have moved on and have a new life now, no need to stay in the past.

[Formula]

All i want to do at the moment is contact my ex.We have only been broke up 2 weeks this Friday tho. Im hopeing she will let me see her so we can at least talk things over a bit.

[loulou37]

me too formula...im getting them horrible urges coming on again...god there awful!

[bish0p2004]

Nope. I'm tired of missing her and I just want this chapter of my life closed.

[Live-N-Learn]

I doubt it. If she would not have lied to me and told me the truth about why we were breaking up and would have communicated to me and been an adult and about it then I might have. I am sure one of these days I will run into her and that is how I expect to see her again.

[bri427]

My and my ex fiance tried to stay in contact as much as possible...5 months after the break-up, alot of drama. alot of pain, alot of going back and forth with emotions, alot of everything...i decided IF and WHEN we talk its gonna take soem time, we do tlk once in awhile. when i call. he dont really make the first effort to communicate, and im ok wit that. leaves things in my control. we get along great not compared to right after BU, however, to prevent the risk of feelings come back or being stronger than they still are...we dont see eachother, been a few months since we have. i think the part when u keep ure distance and limit ure talking is how u begin to heal and move on. later down the road...contact, friends, even possibly reconciling the relationship, is always an option in my opinion. but take time out for YOU!

[JonasWaingaro]

You know, I just don't know anymore. For the longest time the answer was absolutely. I had no doubt I'd get to the point in healing that would allow me to reach out and find out what the heck happened - and/or 'what's up?'. In the last month or so I've come to doubt whether or not I will. Since she's made zero effort to reach out to me in 11months, I get the uncomfortable feeling there's a real hate there - or something negative. I dunno. As everyone says, 'watch their actions'. In my case inaction. I don't know if I can expose my heart to rejection again. If I got nothing - or open rejection - I'd be crushed. Such a drag to be rejected then forgotten.

 

Btw, for me this really hits home as...you guessed it - her B'day is in a few weeks. Be nice if I were the kinda guy that never remembers dates and is a 'jerk' about such things. Sadly, I remember them all. Booo. Beer kill more brain cells! Faster!

[regular joe]

Yes, I would love to have her back in my life. I loved that fact that we got along so well on everything. I miss watching our favorite sports teams together, going out on the bike together, etc. She was my best friend, there wasn't anyone I would rather spend time with. It doesn't help that all of a sudden right now keep running into her, after not seeing her for sometime. It sucks that she can't even be fake pleasant to me. I guess she is hurt that when she refused to get her life back together, that I gave her a choice of getting it together or moving out. She chose to move out and is very unhappy with her life. Right now I have been talking to another ex. We have been friends, so I can't understand unless what the other person did to was horrible. The ex I speak to right now, I wouldn't want to be anything more than friends with, but it is not as deep a friendship as it was with my last ex.

[Tecan]

I don't think i'll ever contact her again. I'm friends with all of my exes but I know how this most recent ex is and I know she never talks to her exes again. If I know she wants nothing to do with me even though i treated her so well then there's no point. No need for me to embarrass myself when I know what the outcome will be.

[jimmajam]

I'm kind of in the same situation as you, but rejection wouldn't phase me much anymore. I have accepted and processed everything. I tried to talk to her and get her back and she rejected me every sing time. I think it would hurt me more if she opened up and finally communicated, because I wouldn't know how to handle it after all the cold we had after the breakup.

 

To answer my own question I'm not really sure either. I wouldn't mind talking to her again even as a friend now that I am pretty much back to my normal self. The problem is she hasn't made an effort to contact me in 5 months now and I was the last one to do so. The whole attitude of "well, you didn't contact me, so I'm not going to contact you" seems childish to me. However, it seems stupid and might be taken the wrong way for me to contact her after so long.

 

I'm not real sure what I want to do yet.

[progression50]

I say no, what for? There are so many other people out there who are equally as cool and nice. Unfortunately, s**t happens, that's a part of life. With 50% divorce rates and women who do not care to talk about how they REALLY feel till it's too late, well good riddance! It's like, gee, you never open up to me and NOW you do? By breaking up with me, how did I get so lucky?!?

 

Everyone on this board deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, why should we accept anything less? You ARE worth it, RIGHT?! I say YES, YOU ARE! START BELIEVING IT, women love confidence!!!!

[HereIGoAgain]

I'll never contact my ex again as like others have pointed out what would be the point. I never want to see her or meet up with her, I'm not interested in what's going on in her life, neither am I interested in telling her what is going on in my life. Would not matter if I was doing brilliantly, I'm doing okay with the possibility of a promotion in roles, something she said I'd never have the nerve to ask for.

 

That said, I do feel sad about this because we were together for 4 years and the fact I want nothing to do with her does make me wonder how one can go from wanting to be with someone forever to never seeing them again.

[coolchick64]

That said, I do feel sad about this because we were together for 4 years and the fact I want nothing to do with her does make me wonder how one can go from wanting to be with someone forever to never seeing them again.

 

 

I think the desire to stay away is directly proportional to the strength of your feelings in the relationship and/or feelings about the way the break-up went down. This goes for people who have receptive/contacting exes, of course. Not sure it works that way when you're dealing with a Houdini . . .

[bish0p2004]

I think the desire to stay away is directly proportional to the strength of your feelings in the relationship and/or feelings about the way the break-up went down.

 

Could you explain this please? I was thinking about this today and I feel like I'd rather never see my ex again then get into another relationship with her. I just want her to disappear from my life completely, no reminders, nothing.

[HereIGoAgain]

I think the desire to stay away is directly proportional to the strength of your feelings in the relationship and/or feelings about the way the break-up went down. This goes for people who have receptive/contacting exes, of course. Not sure it works that way when you're dealing with a Houdini . . .

 

Kind of get what you mean. In my case, she ended the relationship with an ultimatum, marry me or else. However, the treatment dished out by her over the course of the relationship made me reconsider what kind of a person I was getting involved with.

 

And that's what I meant by going from wanting to be with her forever to finally waking up to the reality that I was nothing more than a means to an end. That's the hardest part of the breakup that I have not got over yet, if ever. How could I have been so naive to put up with the lying, cheating, name calling and generally disrespectful behaviour from her for so long. Yet in the end, I was made out to be the bad one in the relationship because I did not change for her, something she has told my colleagues and they've picked on me because of it. That only adds to me never wanting to contact her again.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I dont know. For the longest time, I just kept waiting for enough time to go by until I could contact my ex. I have been in NC for the past 7 months, but everytime I would just about to hit 60 days, i would contact him. Looking back, i always hoped that us talking would spark something... or keep him from forgetting me... or something... it never did. Tomorrow I will finally hit 60 days of NC. Tomorrow will officially be 7 months since the break up. I dont plan on contacting him any time soon. I told him not to contact me unless he wants to get back together and he's kept his promise, though he's told me he thought about it before.

 

I think months, possibly years down the line he will contact me and reach out for friendship. He was already trying to be friends with me within 2 months past the break up and in the past when ive talked to him he's told me that's what he wants. In the past when I've talked to him on the phone, he's told me to contact him whenever I want to talk to him and makes it clear that he wants a friendship when im ready... but I dont know if ill ever be ready.

 

i miss hiim. he was my best friend, but i dont konw if ill ever contact him again. If i do, it wont be for a long long time. I have no reason to. It makes me sad to know that we have so much in common and I am losing such a good person who still wants to be my friend.. but I just can't do it.

[hater13]

simple answer: NO!

 

Currently I have no intention of ever contacting my ex, but if he contacted me I would not ignore it. I'd reply and try not to act bitter lol

 

I'd love to reconcile I won't lie about that, but I will never be the one to initiate it because I was the dumpee.

[seizeyourwings]

I've been in NC for 3 (nearly 4) months. I lost my best friend, my support system, my plans, and so much more when we ended. It wasn't an amicable breakup...far, FAR from it. But you know what? It taught me that I'm so much stronger than I ever would've thought myself to be beforehand. I have learned to be true to myself. And I don't need him in my life to realize that; I have no desire to put my hand back on the hot stove, so to speak. It still hurts some days when I romanticize what we had, but it's just that: putting our failed relationship on a pedestal.

 

If he chooses to contact me in the future, I will be cordial and courteous. I will not contact him, however.

 

I bow to no one.

[Cheetarah]

For me, no. I don't really want anything to do with the guy. Pretty rare for me, as I usually will reach out to an ex/respond if they do. It's not that I'm afraid my feelings will resurface or anything, but I just don't think the guy deserves my attention. He burned too many bridges in his life by doing things the way he does them. And ok, we all have our own issues. But I know I do, and don't go around pretending to be completely well-adjusted. He's got too much stuff going on up there.

 

As far as my ex from over 3 years ago goes - Yes, I have, but I can't anymore. It's been a year and a half since we've talked. We had a second chance which that stubborn guy never gave anything or anyone in his life, but it didn't work. He told me in the beginning if we start talking, we'll never stop, and it needs to just be done, over with, for good. When I left him alone, he claimed I abandoned him and should have somehow psychically known he only wanted a brief break. It's just too black and white, too confusing, too many expectations of mind-reading and cat/mouse, so I gave up awhile ago.