little white lies

[faithful14]

How many of you would be okay if you knew your significant other lied to you...I'm talking little things though. For example, you like the shirt you're wearing and he lies and says he likes it. Basically, they are lies told as to not hurt your feelings or make you mad. Would you be okay with it, even if you knew they were lying to you (just to avoid hurting your feelings)?

[GoneCrazy]

I would be fine with it, and frankly those small lies shouldn't hurt me.

[ritstart]

I, for myself, can say I don't really mind. I mean, sure, it'd be better if my partner'd be honest with me, cause for honesty there has to be a certain measure of trust involved -- but if he doesn't do that, fine. It's his thing.

 

I guess it's about what kind of lie it is. If he lies about his feelings for me, then, no, I can't take that. But if it's just... you know, I like your when when I really don't but I don't tell you, then I don't care.

[blackdog280]

Love is about trust, without trust we fall out of love.

[Longview01]

Love is about trust, without trust we fall out of love.

 

True but part of love is making your SO feel good about themselves.

 

Telling them they look pig ugly in a shirt they like doesnt sound like love to me lol

[Hermes]

It's called "tact", Faithful. LOL

 

H

[SocialStigma]

Hm I feel like there is an easy way to spare your SO's feelings while still telling the truth at the same time. In the case of them wearing something that is not very flattering, rather than straight out lying and saying they look good in it if they don't, I would just say "I think you would look better in ________". I would want my SO to do the same for me because if I look hideous in an outfit, I do not want to go out in public like that. This has actually came up in my relationship where my boyfriend used to always just say everything looked good on me and then I told him I won't be hurt and to just tell me the truth because it was annoying to hear "you're always pretty" when I wanted a genuine opinion while shopping.

[WomanWriter]

True but part of love is making your SO feel good about themselves.

Telling them they look pig ugly in a shirt they like doesnt sound like love to me lol

 

I disagree. Love isn't about flattering someone's ego, it's about doing what's best for them, and telling lies just to make someone feel better is just a fantasy. I rather have real love and real trust, not an ego stroke.

[house259]

One of the reasons people fall in love is because of the person they feel like when they are with their SO.

Some people feel good about themselves when they are flattered.

Others feel flattered when they are told the truth because it makes them feel comfortable.

So, if your person #1, let your SO know what you prefer.

[Hermes]

I think it is making a mountain out of a molehill if it is just about a shirt -- it's colour? tailoring? look?

 

I would like the "other" to be truthful with me about IMPRTANT issues, but a SHIRT, for heaven's sake!!!

 

LOL

 

H

[oldenoughtoknow]

"Honey, does this skirt make my butt look big?" This little white lie has been going on since we all lived in caves. I don't see anything wrong with making someone feel better about themselves. If my SO put on something was totally unflattering for her gorgeous little butt, I would say something. She knows me and trusts me and is secure with the fact that I am overwhelmingly attracted to her, so it has never become an issue.

 

Guys can be sensitive about beer bellies. Gals can be sensitive about derrieres. Guys can be sensitive about penis size. Gals can be sensitive about breast size. Yes, I would definitely be okay if my SO did the same for me. I always treat people the way I would like to be treated.

[faithful14]

okay, well the issue isn't over a shirt, I was just using that as an example- not to be actually taken LITERALLY as the problem.

[Hermes]

I'm talking little things though. For example, you like the shirt

 

Well, Faithful, it IS what you said. We have no way of knowing except through what you write....

So, ther eis another problem nothing to do with shirts or clothes?

 

H

[faithful14]

I'm just looking for people's perspective on the situation- not to be made fun of.

[pumpkinmoon]

How many of you would be okay if you knew your significant other lied to you...I'm talking little things though. For example, you like the shirt you're wearing and he lies and says he likes it. Basically, they are lies told as to not hurt your feelings or make you mad. Would you be okay with it, even if you knew they were lying to you (just to avoid hurting your feelings)?

 

I actually cannot stand lies. When you find out that a lie has been told I think it eats away at the trust.

 

If I wore something that he didn't like or that he thought looked horrible on me, I would rather be told.

[WomanWriter]

I actually cannot stand lies. When you find out that a lie has been told I think it eats away at the trust.

 

If I wore something that he didn't like or that he thought looked horrible on me, I would rather be told.

 

Yes, I am not a fan of butt-kissing. If someone likes my shirt, great! But if they are just saying it to save themselves from me, don't bother. If I wanted someone to stroke my ego, I'd find someone else. Someone close to me, I expect to tell me the truth when I ask.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I'm just looking for people's perspective on the situation- not to be made fun of.

 

I don't see anyone trying to make fun of you. I think we need more specifics on the situation you're asking about.

[geekgirl4]

I think faithful is saying, in general, whether we would lie about the physical aspects of our partner. I think there was a recent threat about this, with people coming up with similar answers : )

 

In a real relationship with someone you love, you should be honest, but there can be tact with honesty. Some people might say you should have the freedom to say whatever you want and the person who asked the question (do these jeans make my legs look short) should just take it. That is true, to an extent. You can be honest but still show you love your partner for who they are. There is no black and white. It can be as simple as saying, I think they look much better in THESE jeans. If she still gets offended, then the fault lies with her for not seeing how the partner answered with tact.

[Hermes]

I don't see anyone trying to make fun of you. I think we need more specifics on the situation you're asking about.

 

I don't see anyone making fun of you either. Why could you not come out in your OP and just say in the first place what you meant? That you would not like someone to LIE to you. That I can understand. No one wants someone to lie to them.

 

But if someone asks me if I like a shirt, skirt or dress they are wearing, and the garment is hideous on them, but they think it is grand, then it would be most rude and inconsiderate of me to say to that person : "You look a fright in that. Take it off."

Tact is a wonderful thing and it is NOT the same as telling lies.

 

H

[konstantine]

I would rather he just tell me "I like this shirt on you a lot better" or something to that effect. Guide me in the right direction without being mean! But if he does say he likes something just to spare my feelings, I won't be too upset about it.

[Taikero]

White lies are still lies. Tactful truth is the key to trust with minimal conflict.

 

"No, I don't like that shirt because it doesn't show off/complement your body well. I think you look sexier in X, Y, Z."

[capilot]

I had a girlfriend ask me once if she was the prettiest girl I ever dated.

 

I learned that day that honest is NOT always the best policy.