Looking for advice on how to break out of a lengthy dry spell.

[mirrorman]

I'm haing a problem that's probably common to a lot of folks here. I've tried to express myself as politely as possible. If I've offended you by what I've written here, my sincerest apologies.

 

Involuntary celibacy is getting to me. I've heard all the traditional advice. Hang out with friends, get hugs from friends and relatives whenever possible, get a cat/dog/black bear. Spend um, quality time with yourself, treating yourself the way you'd want a date to treat you if you had one. Perfectly good advice.

 

Trouble is, it still doesn't quite make it. I'm hurtin' for it! I've got it bad, and that ain't good. Quality time with myself and an "adult" DVD (I've found that the woman-produced ones are less nasty and much hotter) just doesn't quite make it. What's an amorous fiftysomething single man to do? (Professionals aren't an option for a number of reasons, some financial, some legal. And besides, that option is well, sadder and lonelier than going solo and it doesn't help me to learn to fend for myself).

 

Lots of people my age have long since gotten married and so aren't "on the market". Online dating has been only marginally successful so far. My biggest issues are living on disability benefits (I'm not languishing in penury but I do have to budget fairly cautiously) and living several hours from a major city with an active "singles" scene. But by far my biggest issue of all is my shyness. It's much better than it was, and I practice chatting with strangers every chance I get. But it's still like moving a big rock with my bare hands to talk to an attractive woman, cold. I'm not so bad looking myself. I've lost a lot of excess poundage (hint-cut out sugar and empty carbs. You won't be sorry!). I've found a stylist that gives me a better-looking haircut than I've had previously (and who charges less too!). I pay more attention to how I look and don't dress so much like a bachelor (well, not all the time anyway!). But being in recovery from hyper-shyness, I haven't got a clue as to how to meet women for companionship.

 

Though I live in a small city, mall stores keep on being built and traffic on the main drags is still hellish at rush hour, so by the law of averages, there's got to be a woman with needs similar to my own. The question is, how to crack the code? How to approach women, apart from online, without knowing if they're already spoken for (seducing married or coupled women is NOT my thing!)? And while I won't rule out committing to Ms. Right if I ever do meet her, how do I find someone who simply wants to have fun as much as I do? An overnight girlfriend or better still, a friend with benefits? These are things which folks with normal social lives have presumably hashed out for themselves long ago.

 

Has anyone else here been in my situation? How have you dealt with it? How much success did you have?

[hblakely]

I don't see why you're shy. You seem like a really funny person with a lot of personality that could easily find a good woman to do whatever with.. You can find a nice lady anywhere! At the store or any other place you may not expect. Just use the personality that you have and don't be shy. It's better to say too much than too little!

[digger11]

craigslist casual encounters?

[mirrorman]

I don't see why you're shy. You seem like a really funny person with a lot of personality that could easily find a good woman to do whatever with..

 

Thank you for your reply and your assessment. You rock!

 

Ah, how I miss having someone to do whatever with... But thank you for pointing out my good points. Sometimes it's possible to look in the mirror and miss something that's right in front of you, even the positive things. We're taught to practically diss ourselves growing up.

 

As for shyness, even though there's no logical reason why I ought to be shy, it has been an issue quite a bit of the time. And there's no reason why I should have to keep accepting that as my lot in life, even though I've spent too much of my life to this point as a terminal shybie. I'm making progress through various methods. It's kind of like wading through the deep end of a swimming pool filled with molasses sometimes! But I will bear in mind what you've said every time the dark, grey clouds roll in!

 

It's better to say too much than too little!

 

Hmm,that's just the opposite of another thing I was taught growing up ("when in doubt, dummy up"). But as long as I don't say anything dumb (or too dumb anyway!), your idea actually makes more sense.

 

 

craigslist casual encounters?

 

I've heard heavily-mixed reviews about Craigslist's dating sections. By any chance, have you used them?

[Juxtapoz]

mirrorman, I CAN HELP YOU. Months ago I was in the same boat, and I was about to claw my eyes out.

 

I'm a big believer in energy...what's going on underneath comes out your pores. Simply feeling available isn't enough. You have to feel really desirable too. So people will not only know you're available, but you're hot too. Good combination for someone who's also looking.

 

Put the extra bounce in your step. If you need help with that, I suggest wearing earphones and listening to music that makes you feel confident.

 

And the last step: EYE-FRACKING. If you're walking down the street and you see a hot girl, look at her like you will be having sex with her. (just not the OH face, ok?) This works best if it's someone walking in the opposite direction. It's a great confidence booster when she holds your eye contact till you pass. This will get you more comfortable with making eye contact with strangers.

 

Then, when you're out--at the bar, at the club, or wherever it is you like to go fishing, if you see a chick you like, glance at her some, get her attention with your eyes. Just don't be creepy. Act confident.

 

I started doing this in late December and landed one by January. I eye-fracked him and didn't even remember it, because I was eye-fracking everyone.

 

I hope this helps.

[KG]

If the club scene doesn't work, try a volunteer group, or join a club, reading, community service. While this didn't work for me, I met some very down to eath women, who are still friends.

 

Good luck.

BTW, I agree, you sound like a funny, stand up kind of guy.

[mirrorman]

First, thank you for your reply (BTW, I like that profile photo of you with your cat! Kitties rule, as do women who like them!)

 

Secondly, I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean by "eye-fracking". How did you come up with that word? And how exactly do you do it?

 

In any case, it seems that every time I look at a woman on the street, in the mall, etc. I get ignored or glared at. Mind you, I'm careful not to leer, and I certainly don't do anything rude like making ugly, sexist jokes. Women around here at least just seem to go around with "shields up" (I'm a science fiction fan, that's another strike against me!