bookworm39 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months, and living together for 6. i knew i was in love with him pretty much from the get-go, but i told myself i would let him say it first. well it's been 8 months, and i am now 2 1/2 months pregnant with our baby, and still nothing. this is making me think...should i just suck it up and say it? he's a very caring and nice guy whom i adore, but i need to know how he feels. i can't have a baby with someone who doesn't love me. he's even talking about marriage but NO i love you. how do i bring this up? it's really bothering me. Link to comment
SocialStigma Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 How old are you guys? Has he had long term relationships in the past where he has said it? My first thought was maybe he isn't ready for it yet (I know couples who didn't say it until around 1.5 years together), but if he's talking about marriage then he should definitely feel it (hopefully he's not just bringing up marriage because of the baby). Maybe he's been brought up to just not talk about love, or he's been burned in the past by girls who he did love and say it to. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 ...why did you move in so soon? Link to comment
bookworm39 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 his last relationship lasted 3 years. they were engaged. i know his heart was broken, but i mean, get over it already. i got over an engagement. i moved on. he's having a kid with me. i am in my 20's and he is in his 30's. he did tell me at the beginning it takes him a while to fall in love. but he always used to say 'i could fall in love with you' or said he 'lived' me (that place between like and love, lol) but now nothing. like we're going backwards. Link to comment
savignon Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Does it really matter who says it first? There are a lot of people whose families never said "I love you" the way some other people are accustomed to and therefore don't say it themselves, which does NOT mean they don't feel it. I suggest either saying it first and seeing what he says or say "hey, you've been talking about us getting married and here we are having a baby and you've never said 'I love you'....why is that?" Or just ask him, "How are you feeling about having a baby and getting married? Our lives are changing pretty fast, huh?" (or something like that) Don't let that bother you for the next several months as you plan such exciting things like family and marriage. Get it out on the table so you can enjoy all your blessings. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 i was the same as you...waiting for an i love you...my ex said it after a year!! i never thought it would come, he said he couldnt say it, he was too imature....just be patient, i know youve waited long enough already, but im sure it will come, he always said actions speak louder than words, thats soo true...after he said he loved me he no longer showed me in his actions. weird uh! Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Does it really matter who says it first? There are a lot of people whose families never said "I love you" the way some other people are accustomed to and therefore don't say it themselves, which does NOT mean they don't feel it. I suggest either saying it first and seeing what he says or say "hey, you've been talking about us getting married and here we are having a baby and you've never said 'I love you'....why is that?" Or just ask him, "How are you feeling about having a baby and getting married? Our lives are changing pretty fast, huh?" (or something like that) Don't let that bother you for the next several months as you plan such exciting things like family and marriage. Get it out on the table so you can enjoy all your blessings. That is funny. My family NEVER says "I love you" not that I ever didn't feel loved and supported by them. I've been trying to say it more to my mom and my dad and once my dad literally look startled and said "thanks". If you love him tell him. Not to get anything back. But to let him know how you feel. Link to comment
Juxtapoz Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 do you love the guy? or do you feel like you have to in the given situation? if you truly feel like you love him, go ahead and bite the bullet. Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Don't wait. If you really feel it, then say it. Let him do it on his own time. Say I love you whenever you feel the urge. Some people are just slower to say it. Be the bigger person and be honest! Link to comment
u4me Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I don't get it. You live together. You're having a child together. But, you can't talk to each other about your feelings for each other? It's time to grow up if you're going to be parents... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I don't get it. You live together. You're having a child together. But, you can't talk to each other about your feelings for each other? It's time to grow up if you're going to be parents... I agree with this. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I don't get it. You live together. You're having a child together. But, you can't talk to each other about your feelings for each other? It's time to grow up if you're going to be parents... I agree. You won't say it until he says it and yet all he could say before was 'i could fall in love with you' or said he 'lived' me (that place between like and love, lol) Makes no sense to me that a guy has to create made up words in order to not say "I love you" and thinks he is so mature by moving in with his gf and making a baby with her. He could love you but just be one of those people who doesn't express it in words. It is hard to say. There are so many people these days who rush into living together and having children just because it seems like the thing to do and "everyone else is doing it". If you want to know where you stand you are going to have to step up to the plate and tell him you love him and see what happens and how he responds. Link to comment
Mauxly Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 If you love him you should tell him with no expectations. Think about it, if something were to happen to him tomorrow wouldn't you regret never telling him? But it can't be a play to get him to tell you he loves you, that always seems to bite us. Link to comment
Puddincup Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 Some people have a hard time with the "i love you". Just because they don't say it doesn't mean they don't feel it. It sounds like he loves you. I would wait for him to say it. Not because you are playing games but because you are giving him time to work up to saying it without pressure. If you say it, then he might feel like he has to say it too. Again, he probably does love you but I think you should give him the freedom to say it on his own terms. Besides, they are just words. Actions are what's important. Link to comment
butterfly1968 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I would have to agree with puddincup, it is extremely difficult for many people to say the words "I love you" (me included ) and for many valid reasons. childhood issues, the way they were raised, past relationships. This doesn't mean that they don't love you or that they are incapible of loving you deeply. It just means this is an area that needs work within themselves. If he is talking of marriage I would say he loves you, also look at how loving he is with you... actions many times speek louder than words. Link to comment
dontlook Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 o my!!! JUST TELL HIM HUNNY!!! maybe he's just really really shy or grew up in a household where feelings weren't verbalized i know it's good to wait for the man but he's clearly got an issue with it and i think you need to be the one to step up to bat! good luck! Link to comment
honexx Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 stop the pride and cross the bridge when u get there tell him the words.. the 3 little words Link to comment
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