Feeling so much guilt over abortion

[carissalime]

On april 9th of this year i had a medical abortion. It was a sunday. I watched as my baby, or egg sak, or what has been described by the clinic as "the tissue" go down the toilet. I have not been the same since. My husband to be did not want to have the child. I, being almost 40, and low income, really did not know what to do. It hurts so much now. I regret what i did.

Please think about it before you make the commitment to do what i did, you cannot take it back.

[savignon]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering. Regret is a terrible feeling. Do you believe that "everything happens for a reason"? I hope your personal beliefs, hopes, and faith get you through this rough time.

*hugs*

[nutbrownhare]

I'm so sorry you're going through this; I used to work for a telephone helpline, and it was not unusual to receive anguished calls from girls who'd had an abortion and although I've never had the experience myself, I doubt anyone could not feel moved by their situation.

 

You are suffering a bereavement and going through grieving, quite apart from the guilt you're experiencing. Let yourself feel it in all its intensity, and know that it will pass in time. Would you be able to access some kind of counselling service if you're finding it difficult to come to terms with this in the long term?

 

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You took what seemed to you to be the right decision at the time - don't give yourself a hard time.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Sunny1607307996]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

 

Is there a hot line you could call? I know that Planned Parenthood often has post-abortion counseling. The clinic where you had your abortion done may also have counseling services.

 

You made the best decision you could at the time. Take comfort in knowing you are a good and caring person.

 

Virtual Hugs!

[generaldiscord]

Is your husband giving you emotional support?

 

Try to tune out the pro-choice pro-life propaganda machines. What you're going through is incredibly personal, and you must find peace with yourself.

[BellaStranger]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through...for your loss! I don't think anyone can prepare you for that horror and overwhelming sadness you feel when yo go through an abortion! I had one 4...nearly 5 years ago, when I was only 21...I was too young, too naive and had no prospects for the future at that time, so believed it was the right thing to do! There still isn't a week that goes past when I don't think about the baby I was too scared to have, and sometimes those thoughts are still tinged with sadness or regret. But for the most part I am able to make myself understand that I made the right choice and the time, based on what I knew then!

 

You have to give yourself time and allow yourself to feel grief. One of the main things I felt at the time was that I somehow didn't have the right to feel sad, because this was my own choice. It wasn't until I fully accepted my grief and the comfort of my friends and family that I began to heal. I bought a big teddy to sit in my bed... It reminds me of what I gave up... Of what I lost and of why I did it. When I am feeling low, I give it a big sqeeze and remind myself that I gave up my baby for a better life- so I have to strive every day to make life better- so the decision wasn't made in vain.

[BellaStranger]

For some reason my phone has gone bonkers and won't let me finish that post!

 

I was just going to end by saying hang in there, it does get better...and don't be afraid or ashamed to seek out emotional support. I was, and still am pro choice. Even though my choice ultimately caused me a lot of pain. To be fair- who's to say the other way would have worked out any better? My greatest regret really isn't the abotion- but getting pregnant in the first place. Unplanned pregnancy is no joke!! I'm always super careful with contraception now, that's my lesson learned... I could never have another abortion!

[avman]

Please do not turn this into an abortion pro-con debate or I will need to close this thread.

[BellaDonna]

Is your husband giving you emotional support?

 

I was wondering the same thing.

 

To the OP, I think it is very important that you seek out some post-abortion counseling. Also, you should really take a long, hard look at the feelings you have about this as it relates to your relationship/your husband. If you don't come to terms with them you may end up resenting him and it could destroy your marriage.

 

Try to put the whole thing in perspective. You said your husband did not want to have a child, but you also mentioned your own concerns about being 40 and low income. So were you ultimately pressured/forced by him or was it a joint decision? Did you express feelings of doubt to him about the decision before you made it?

 

There are a lot of things to work through here. Try to use both your heart and your mind to hash through it all.

[mca1975]

Please do not turn this into an abortion pro-con debate or I will need to close this thread.

 

????? how is it being turned into anything?

[mca1975]

A lovely post. A lovely way and attitude to deal with the regret.

[Fudgie]

Yep...doesn't matter if you're pro-choice/pro-life, the consensus is that abortion is a difficult situation for most people. It's totally normal and natural to be feeling upset.

 

I hope you can talk to your husband about your feelings and maybe call a hotline to talk to a professional.

 

It sounds like you made an informed choice, given your age and current income. It's possible that you're regretting it now because this event just happened, but I think if you give it time, you may see again that you made the best choice for you and your husband. Please just allow yourself to heal and take care of yourself, ok?

 

And don't EVER listen to pro-life people who put you down for what you did, okay? They are mean and no help. You did what you felt was right and that is what matters.

 

hang in there!! *hugs*