Who pays when she suggests an expensive date?

[Gilroy]

also, she was TELLING him "my body is worth it"

 

I am planning to join a gym that has expensive monthly membership fees... But I am going for it anyway because I think my body is worth it.

 

Anything wrong with the above statement??

 

Why is it so wrong for that girl to feel that her body is worth that spa? She sounds like a healthy woman with good self-esteem.

[hockeyboy]

Why do people look at one sentence the woman wrote (and really don't know how she meant it) rather then look at the big picture and everything the OP has told us?

 

I don't get it.

[tf987]

Why do people look at one sentence the woman wrote (and really don't know how she meant it) rather then look at the big picture and everything the OP has told us?

 

I don't get it.

 

I have to admit that I am torn on what to think.

 

Sure, she did settle for a much more low key date... but the suspicious and "gold digger leery" guy in me thinks that anybody that is good at the subtle art of gold diggery is going to have to have some skill and will try to act down to earth, once in a while, as part of the dance of dating?

 

I'll wait and see what transpires over the next couple of dates and take into account the wide range of opinions I've gotten in response to my question.

[digger11]

Like I pointed out in my above post, there is a difference between saying "i know it's expensive, but i'm willing to pay because i'm worth it!" and "I know it's expensive, but I am worth it"

 

the latter sounds like "hehehe TRUST me ;-) my body is worth you spending all that money"

 

if I wanted to be taken on a spa date, that's EXACTLY how I would have said it.

[hockeyboy]

To be honest with you, from everything you've said here, if you'd be willing to end it now out of fear she is a gold digger, then I'd say she's the lucky one to get away.

 

Of course, there may be more to it, that would change my mind.

 

Still man, you sound to paranoid about it. Give the girl a shot and have an open mind on your dates. Be alert, but don't go searching for problems that aren't there.

[hexaemeron]

Like I pointed out in my above post, there is a difference between saying "i know it's expensive, but i'm willing to pay because i'm worth it!" and "I know it's expensive, but I am worth it"

 

the latter sounds like "hehehe TRUST me ;-) my body is worth you spending all that money"

 

if I wanted to be taken on a spa date, that's EXACTLY how I would have said it.

 

Exactly. She didn't say "So I thought we might go to a spa, what do you think of that?" It was "I want to go to THIS.SPECIFIC.EXPENSIVE.SPA, and my body is worth the expense."

 

I mean, how much more do you need?

[hockeyboy]

Like I pointed out in my above post, there is a difference between saying "i know it's expensive, but i'm willing to pay because i'm worth it!" and "I know it's expensive, but I am worth it"

 

the latter sounds like "hehehe TRUST me ;-) my body is worth you spending all that money"

 

if I wanted to be taken on a spa date, that's EXACTLY how I would have said it.

 

Okay, that's how you would say it. She's not you. How can you honestly draw a conclusion about her based on that one sentence without knowing her tone of voice, what she was thinking, etc.

 

And what about everything else the OP has said??

 

She's paid during other dates.

She's been okay to just stay in or have low key dates.

 

Don't you think that is more telling of whether or not she is a gold digger then one quick sentence?

[hockeyboy]

Exactly. She didn't say "So I thought we might go to a spa, what do you think of that?" It was "I want to go to THIS.SPECIFIC.EXPENSIVE.SPA, and my body is worth the expense."

 

I mean, how much more do you need?

 

Same questions to you hex. (BTW, I typically agree with you and your style of advice giving).

 

How do you know she wasn't planning on paying her way? She's paid on other dates after all. When he declined, she was also ok with just going to his place...she brought wine, they laid low.

 

How do you know she wasn't joking around? I've said plenty of arrogant things in a joking manner before. Haven't you?

[tf987]

To be honest with you, from everything you've said here, if you'd be willing to end it now out of fear she is a gold digger, then I'd say she's the lucky one to get away.

 

Where did I say I was thinking of ending it now? I was looking for opinions.

 

Still man, you sound to paranoid about it. Give the girl a shot and have an open mind on your dates. Be alert, but don't go searching for problems that aren't there.

 

I've already admitted that I'm hypersensitive to this subject, both because of the "gold digger" culture that exists in my city, and because of my experiences with my 2nd wife.

 

Recognizing my own thinking process, and trying to balance it out, is exactly why I'm trying to get other's opinions about this.

 

Regards

[LightbulbSun]

I haven't read this whole thread, just the first few posts, but my god, she sounds like a golddigger. Saying "my body is worth it" is akin to buying a Sugar Daddy.

 

She wants you to spend tons of money on her, OP, dump her now.

[hockeyboy]

Where did I say I was thinking of ending it now? I was looking for opinions.

 

I said "if"

[jengh]

Okay, I read 3 pages and realized I didn't feel like reading 6 more so please forgive me if it's been said already...

 

If all you're interested in is gaging her reaction, I would simply say, "It wouldn't be too pricy if we each paid our own way"... That to ME, anyways, suggests you have absolutely no intention of paying for her.

 

$500 is a LOT to spend on someone you're casually dating

[hexaemeron]

Same questions to you hex. (BTW, I typically agree with you and your style of advice giving).

 

How do you know she wasn't planning on paying her way? She's paid on other dates after all. When he declined, she was also ok with just going to his place...she brought wine, they laid low.

 

How do you know she wasn't joking around? I've said plenty of arrogant things in a joking manner before. Haven't you?

 

No, you're right. I only have what we're presented, and that is missing context in person. However, I am very familiar with how girls tend to behave in Silicon Valley/SF and this entitlement wouldn't surprise me in the least. I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but my gut tells me that I'm right.

[hockeyboy]

I haven't read this whole thread, just the first few posts, but my god, she sounds like a golddigger. Saying "my body is worth it" is akin to buying a Sugar Daddy.

 

She wants you to spend tons of money on her, OP, dump her now.

 

You should read the whole thread.

[hockeyboy]

No, you're right. I only have what we're presented, and that is missing context in person. However, I am very familiar with how girls tend to behave in Silicon Valley/SF and this entitlement wouldn't surprise me in the least. I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but my gut tells me that I'm right.

 

You may be right. You may be wrong. Who knows.

 

My point is that she hasn't done anything IMO that I could conclusively say she's just a gold digger. I'd actually say her actions show she probably is not.

[Gilroy]

I haven't read this whole thread, just the first few posts, but my god, she sounds like a golddigger. Saying "my body is worth it" is akin to buying a Sugar Daddy.

 

She wants you to spend tons of money on her, OP, dump her now.

 

Oh dear...

 

You know what OP? Just dump her and let her go. Sorry to be harsh but I think she can find some one better.

[hexaemeron]

You may be right. You may be wrong. Who knows.

 

My point is that she hasn't done anything IMO that I could conclusively say she's just a gold digger. I'd actually say her actions show she probably is not.

 

Her actions show her building trust by spending a little money. The cynic in me says that this could be a tactic to get him to trust her intentions (you know, as not a golddigger) so he'll feel just find about plunking down and treating her like a queen and footing the bill.

 

But that's the cynic in me.

[hockeyboy]

Oh dear...

 

You know what OP? Just dump her and let her go. Sorry to be harsh but I think she can find some one better.

 

To his defense, he hasn't said he's going to end it and is asking what we all think.

 

He's also admitted to being a bit oversensitive about it...but hopefully he listens and gives her a shot.

 

IMO, worse that happens is that you find out she's a gold digger after a few more dates and you just end it then.

[Gilroy]

To his defense, he hasn't said he's going to end it and is asking what we all think.

 

He's also admitted to being a bit oversensitive about it...but hopefully he listens and gives her a shot.

 

IMO, worse that happens is that you find out she's a gold digger after a few more dates and you just end it then.

 

I understand. But what made me write that statement was this poor woman is being called all sorts of names here. I agree that this is an online anonymous forum but still... Just imagine how much pain she will feel if she happens to read this thread and recognizes that it is about her.

[Gilroy]

off-topic, but if I am really into the girl that I am dating and have already slept with her I would not mind paying the $500 spa (even if she suggests going dutch). but that's just me.

[Curious_Girl]

"Also, Europeans do the spa thing much more than Americans. Getting facials, massages, etc is considered just part of a normal routine of caring for your body."

 

not true. maybe more of a bathhouse, but it's not so common. I'd actually say people indulge in massages more here and steam rooms saunas there..

 

Yes - that is true. In thinking about it, it's actually more beauty treatments that I'm thinking of - facials, "slimming" baths, etc - and I'm thinking of a specific country that I have the most experience with.

 

 

she wants him to pay. otherwise she would have said something along the lines of "i know it's expensive, but I can/want to treat myself!"

 

 

That would've been better, but English is not her first language, so she may not get the nuances.

[thathoopla]

To me, there is nothing in her comments to suggest that she expected him to pay. Nothing. People who are assuming she is a gold digger seem very, very paranoid.

 

Lol, we're suddenly paranoid because we answered a question that could go either way - yes, she wants your money; or no, she doesn't just want your money.

[generaldiscord]

No, you're right. I only have what we're presented, and that is missing context in person. However, I am very familiar with how girls tend to behave in Silicon Valley/SF and this entitlement wouldn't surprise me in the least. I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but my gut tells me that I'm right.

 

Of course your gut tells you it's right, that's what it's there for

 

There's a very simple solution. Say, "But is MY body worth it to you?", and if she pays for you, go ahead and marry her already.

[Crush85]

Since she is the one who brought it up, she should pay for it.

[sidehop]

This thread has run its course.