Who pays when she suggests an expensive date?

[jenny_mcs]

A bad joke if it was.

 

I don't know, I guess if you have a grim view of life and must take everything seriously, every minute. My friends and I joke around like this all the time. We're at a new Mexican restaurants ad realize that margaritas are $15, we'll laugh and say, it'd OK, we're worth it! It doesn't make any of us arrogant, etc. It's kidding around, and really, it makes life so much more enjoyable

[hockeyboy]

Some people need to lighten up.

 

OP, from what I've read, this girl hasn't done anything to warrant you running for the hills. I'd give her a chance. Why wouldn't you?

[itsallgrand]

Does she come from money herself?

 

She might just have different ideas of what is "doable" and not.

 

It still seems odd to me that she suggested that while unemployed. Even if she intended to pay her way, a date with a casual lover isn't usually even an option to spend such a sizable chunk of change for most people at the best of times. Good way to go broke unless you have no money worries at all. An expensive spa trip seems more the thing that if you were going to do it while jobless, you'd save and do it with a friend.

[tf987]

A bad joke if it was.

 

She lived in Europe for must of her life and has only lived in the US for the past 5 years... I'm trying to give her some benefit of the doubt that there might have been some humor "lost in translation".

 

For her own privacy, I'll refrain from saying which country she was raised in, but just know it was one of the more central/northern countries where people are not known for having great senses of humor

[Go Habs Go]

I don't know, I guess if you have a grim view of life and must take everything seriously, every minute. My friends and I joke around like this all the time. We're at a new Mexican restaurants ad realize that margaritas are $15, we'll laugh and say, it'd OK, we're worth it! It doesn't make any of us arrogant, etc. It's kidding around, and really, it makes life so much more enjoyable

 

 

Apples and oranges. We're talking about a $500 trip to the spa, not a few alcoholic beverages. You and your friends aren't coming off as gold diggers over margaritas.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I am very surprised by the number of responses here saying 'dump her'. I am not sure what is the big deal. She suggested for a spa. We do not know if she is expecting the OP to pay for both. So what is wrong now? And her comment "I am worth it" may just mean that she takes pride in her body. How does that make her a gold-digger?

 

Exactly, I don't get it either.

[hexaemeron]

She lived in Europe for must of her life and has only lived in the US for the past 5 years... I'm trying to give her some benefit of the doubt that there might have been some humor "lost in translation".

 

For her own privacy, I'll refrain from saying which country she was raised in, but just know it was one of the more central/northern countries where people are not known for having great senses of humor

 

Bavarian, huh?

[Day_Walker]

I am not going to answer this question generally because I have answered it previously in a number of other threads but specific to the OP's situation. First of all you are casually dating this girl and I do not see the point of paying for a big item when your relationship is so casual. Secondly, there is no point in trying to impress this girl by bribing her with gifts. Third you have already slept with her and you should know if you want to just continue this as a casual relationship or if you want an actual relationship with this girl.

[sophie274]

Apples and oranges. We're talking about a $500 trip to the spa, not a few alcoholic beverages. You and your friends aren't coming off as gold diggers over margaritas.

 

But there was nothing to clearly indicate that she was expecting him to pay for her, and based on his past experiences with her, it seems more reasonable to assume that she was thinking they'd go halfsies. Plus, she's clearly used to going to spas and paying for herself.

[jenny_mcs]

Apples and oranges. We're talking about a $500 trip to the spa, not a few alcoholic beverages. You and your friends aren't coming off as gold diggers over margaritas.

 

To me, there is nothing in her comments to suggest that she expected him to pay. Nothing. People who are assuming she is a gold digger seem very, very paranoid.

[hockeyboy]

Apples and oranges. We're talking about a $500 trip to the spa, not a few alcoholic beverages. You and your friends aren't coming off as gold diggers over margaritas.

 

You don't know it cost $500, you're assuming based on the OP's guess.

 

You don't know she wasn't willing/planning on paying her share.

 

If she said... "lets go to the spa tomorrow. It'll cost $500 for both of us and you'll have to pay for both because I don't have the money. But don't worry, my body is worth it."

 

Then I'd agree with you 100%. She may have that attitude (I don't think she does) but why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Why assume she is this way?

 

 

 

Never mind it looks like she was fine with not going to the spa and they spent a night in instead. She even brought wine.

[Sparkly Eyes]

She lived in Europe for must of her life and has only lived in the US for the past 5 years... I'm trying to give her some benefit of the doubt that there might have been some humor "lost in translation".

 

For her own privacy, I'll refrain from saying which country she was raised in, but just know it was one of the more central/northern countries where people are not known for having great senses of humor

 

It's not really about humor! She thinks her body is worth spending money on. That's how we all think when we buy the expensive make up products or eat good and expensive food, because we value our body. I don't understand how you got from that sentence that she wants YOU to pay for it.

[tf987]

Some people need to lighten up.

 

OP, from what I've read, this girl hasn't done anything to warrant you running for the hills. I'd give her a chance. Why wouldn't you?

 

Thanks. I'm trying to figure it out. As i've admitted, I think I'm a bit hypersensitive to women that objectify men for their money... which is why I'm trying to see what others think about this woman's suggestion.

 

My 2nd wife was very materialistic and very unsupportive of me when I was thinking of leaving the company I worked for when we met and while we were married - it took me a while to recognize her materialism and I'm trying to avoid making that mistake again.

[tf987]

I don't understand how you got from that sentence that she wants YOU to pay for it.

 

I didn't say I thought she wanted me to pay for it... I said I don't know what she expects.... which was why I was presenting the story to the board to see what others thought.

 

It has been very interesting reading the wide variety of responses.

[metrogirl]

She is between jobs at the moment, just finished a 2nd graduate degree, and is looking hard for the right fit. Her field is rather specialized. Given that, I doubt she has the resources to pay for us both to go to this spa.

 

Someone that doesn't have a job shouldn't be suggesting a 500 dollar date.

 

Something about this just isn't sitting well with me.

[tf987]

You don't know it cost $500, you're assuming based on the OP's guess.

I looked at their menu of offerings on their website, and it is a very high end spa -- the $500 was the price for their typical recommended package of services for 2 people.

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe even though she isn't employed she still has money to do things. I dunno.

 

Some people have expensive tastes, although I would get to know someone better before letting them know if I have expensive tastes, since that can be a turn off.

[hockeyboy]

How many dates have you gone on? Have you paid for everything on every date? Have you asked her out every time or has it been both of you?

[tf987]

How many dates have you gone on? Have you paid for everything on every date? Have you asked her out every time or has it been both of you?

 

Probably 5 now (she has been in europe for the last 2 weeks and gets back tomorrow). As I wrote elsewhere, we have split some of them, I've paid all on some, but none have been very expensive so far. She has asked me out, some of our dates have just been long walks in the park followed by coffee.

[hockeyboy]

Probably 5 now (she has been in europe for the last 2 weeks and gets back tomorrow). As I wrote elsewhere, we have split some of them, I've paid all on some, but none have been very expensive so far. She has asked me out, some of our dates have just been long walks in the park followed by coffee.

 

Doesn't sound like a gold digger to me.

 

She's been willing to pay and she's okay with just staying in for the night or low key dates that don't cost money.

 

Here on ENA, some will find the bad in anything and everything. I hope you don't get paranoid because of how many women in your area act. If this girl turns out to be one of those girls, you can end it then. In the mean time, give her a break...

[Up and Down]

For her own privacy, I'll refrain from saying which country she was raised in, but just know it was one of the more central/northern countries where people are not known for having great senses of humor

 

 

So she's German huh!

[Gilroy]

Doesn't sound like a gold digger to me.

 

She's been willing to pay and she's okay with just staying in for the night or low key dates that don't cost money.

 

Here on ENA, some will find the bad in anything and everything. I hope you don't get paranoid because of how many women in your area act. If this girl turns out to be one of those girls, you can end it then. In the mean time, give her a break...

 

I totally agree with this.

 

Give her a chance... if she really is a gold-digger like you think then you have the choice to dump her.

[Curious_Girl]

^^^ I agree.

 

I think she might have been embarrassed to suggest the SHE spend so much on a spa when she is unemployed. You might think she is very irresponsible with money.

 

Also, Europeans do the spa thing much more than Americans. Getting facials, massages, etc is considered just part of a normal routine of caring for your body.

[digger11]

"Also, Europeans do the spa thing much more than Americans. Getting facials, massages, etc is considered just part of a normal routine of caring for your body."

 

not true. maybe more of a bathhouse, but it's not so common. I'd actually say people indulge in massages more here and steam rooms saunas there.

 

also, she was TELLING him "my body is worth it"

 

she wants him to pay. otherwise she would have said something along the lines of "i know it's expensive, but I can/want to treat myself!"

 

She was clearly using her sexuality. If I wanted a guy to pay for my spa date, I would have 'jokingly/slyly' said the exact words she used. just sayin.

[tf987]

So she's German huh!

 

Maybe... maybe not... lol.