Siriana Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 If a women suggests a date like that... what would you guess is her intention on who is paying? well why don't you honestly say it's to expensive and you can't afford it so that you'd rather __________________ (insert something you'd rather do) and observe her reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Why not look around for a cheaper spa? Find one that you like the price rage more and then send her the link and tell her you like this other spa better. I wouldn't assume she is a gold digger because he idea of a fun date is on the expensive side. She might make a lot of money and not really be thinking about it. If you like her I think it's worth seeing how she handles money and paying BEFORE you label her and leave her. Have you been paying for dates up till this point? Has she paid for anything? Has she offered to pay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thathoopla Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I still think that the "I'm worth it" is a funny light-hearted play on the L'Oreal ad!! Also, I still don't get why everyone is assuming that she thinks he'll pay. It could be her treat, or her intention to split the bill - he needs to find out before accusing her of just wanting his money.Maybe if it was a lower-mid range level spa it would be light hearted, but it isn't. Her "joke" shows a lot of what she's really feeling inside - she's feeling the money! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Right, but again, what is the tactful way to find out? Just ask her. Seriously, if you've got that many doubts, then ask if she means to go half or her treat - and then say you don't really fancy it, so suggest something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Go Habs Go Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 With her saying "My body is worth it", the best case scenario is she's extremely arrogant and the worse case scenario is she's a flat out gold digger. Even if the former is the case, arrogance is not an attractive trait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'd say "looks nice, I'd love to, but can't really swing that right now" And then see how she responds/acts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 She is between jobs at the moment, just finished a 2nd graduate degree, and is looking hard for the right fit. Her field is rather specialized. Given that, I doubt she has the resources to pay for us both to go to this spa. To be honest, the idea of a spa date isn't that appealing to me, I'm more interested in trying to read her intent. I think I'm a bit hypersensitive to this subject given my city's materialistic culture. Okay reading that I might think she is in it for a trip to the spa and less in it for a date. If you want to avoid materialistic people (are you in Seattle by the way I swear it sounds like your talking about Seattle) then just be up front. Tell her your not that interested in going to a spa for a date and suggest something else, something you like and would be interested in see how she reacts to that. If she is just in it for a trip to the spa she'll be vocally disappointed. If she really likes you she won't care about passing up one kind of date for another kind of date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 Thanks for all of the responses everybody. I'm certainly seeing a wide variety of opinions. What I did tell her was this: "Maybe we can look into that idea in the future. I'd have to really be in the right mood for a spa experience that costs that much". We ended up doing something else - in fact I think she just came to my house and I made dinner and she brought wine. This was a couple of weeks ago and she has been in Europe the last 2 weeks visiting her family (she is from Europe). She gets back into town tomorrow and so I'm trying to decide how to proceed with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lila... Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Just tell her you are not interested as its price on the high end. If she offers to take care of it then you are set. I think that would be a good way to put it without being too direct. Say something like, "That looks nice but it also looks rather expensive, maybe we can find another one..." ok that kind of sucks but you get my idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 well why don't you honestly say it's to expensive and you can't afford it so that you'd rather __________________ (insert something you'd rather do) and observe her reaction. Yeah exactly. But you have enough idea that she is probably materialistic or a bit in the clouds - why is she suggesting this at all if she has no job. ? It'd be odd if she suggested it regardless so early on with a casual date, but it's twice as odd given she is unemployed and has let you know that too. Why not just be honest with her though? If you can lay with her, why not just put this out in the open? If she is a materialistic gold digger, she won't stick around after that anyways and you'll have the answer to your q. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 The my body's worth it comment sounds to me like she's saying she finds it expensive for her purse, but she likes it so much she thinks it's worth it FOR HER TO PAY, not for you to treat her to it. Since she hasn't shown any signs of taking you for a ride so far, why assume that she is now? These days, you make reservations online for most spas, or by phone - if you want to go, why not tell her that sure, you'll go to see what it's all about, and you can each book an individual treatment at the same time, and then hang out in the common areas afterwards? You'll have separate bills and can pay them separately. To be honest though, it doesn't sound like you even want to go to a spa. Just tell her it looks awesome for her but is really not your scene, and you'd rather do something else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generaldiscord Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I've got to admit, the "my body is worth it" made me think "golddigger!", but if she's been paying her way on the more expensive dates, it might just be her way of justifying pampering herself. Either way, you won't know for sure unless you ask her. "To be honest, $250 is not in my price range, but..." would be a good way to broach the subject. You would be making it immediately clear that you're not interested in paying her half. You can suggest a cheaper spa, or the smallest package, or a different activity all together. Maybe you can get some massages? Even the higher end ones don't generally go above $100, in my experience... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 but even if he CAN afford it, it sounds like he is uncomfortable putting down this kind of money on a woman he hasn't been dating for very long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Up and Down Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'd say "looks nice, I'd love to, but can't really swing that right now" And then see how she responds/acts. I agree with this, if she's between jobs $500 seems extravagent unless she's very rich herself. It's hard to say, I will say that an ex gf wanted to go to a spa for her bday in Hawaii, this is right when we met, well two months in. Spas were not my thing, not to say I didn't like it. However she had planned to go to Hawaii before we met and wanted me to go, it was for her 30th bday so milestone to some. We went to an expensive spa, Grand Waileia in Maui and she paid for it because its what she wanted to do. She's a massage therapist so not uber rich. I can imagine she spent close to $500. That said if she's expecting you to pay, I think it's quite presumptuous and would consider dumping her for that reason. If she's willing to pay or split then I would consider that she might like nice things but doesn't mind pay her fair share. Does seem like an expensive date if you have only been going out for a few weeks though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 (are you in Seattle by the way I swear it sounds like your talking about Seattle) Lol well I'm on the west coast is that enough info? I guess I like to keep some privacy about such things I just noticed your avatar btw... an old friend/colleague of mine practices that same sport Tell her your not that interested in going to a spa for a date and suggest something else, something you like and would be interested in see how she reacts to that. If she is just in it for a trip to the spa she'll be vocally disappointed. If she really likes you she won't care about passing up one kind of date for another kind of date. Yeah I get that. Part of the issue is that she was raised in Europe, and for some reason I have a harder time reading her body language and such things... not that our cultures are that different but when she does or says something that surprises me I often conclude it must be a cultural difference so I'm still getting to know her. We did end up doing something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 LOL at all the "Dump her!!!1!!" comments. I took her comment to mean that she would be paying for her half, especially since the OP has clarified that she offers to (and has) paid for dates. If I were you, and I was interested in going to a spa, I would say, "OK, let's look at their website and find some stuff that we can both afford." Spas usually have their menu of services on their website. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilroy Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 hm. that's kind of pricey. i think since she brought it up, she should actually pay for you!! i know in the past when i have suggest an expensive restaurant for dinner, i paid for it. or split the bill. I agree with Annie. Since she suggested it she should offer to pay for the both of you OR at least go dutch. If she is expecting you to pay for both then that sounds like trouble!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 So she was perfectly fine doing something more low key at your place and she brought wine? Doesn't sound like a golddigger to me. The comment about her body...it's all about context. Could be an arrogant remark, or could be a joke. I don't know, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Not sure why so many others would not. Also, are you sure it would have cost $500? Not saying it wouldn't because I have no clue, but is it possible it would have been substantially less...and she would have paid her half? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generaldiscord Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 As for the main question, who pays in general, I guess it depends. Personally, I will not allow a guy to pay for me if it is clear that he regards it as a ticket to more. Not even if he makes ten times my salary and works half as much. If a guy offers to pay, I don't turn him down, but in general I expect to pay for the dates I suggest. I make it more or less clear in the following way. "Would you like to go skiing with me? Let me know soon, there is a discount for the lift tickets available till saturday" means "I want to go skiing with you, and I intend to pay." I don't think that could be any clearer. "If you're interested, I'm going on a ski trip next friday. Ski tickets are $45, and I'll be driving" means "I'll pay for mine, you pay for yours." That's why I think she's interested in going dutch, she knows the prices and she's letting you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Go Habs Go Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 LOL at all the "Dump her!!!1!!" comments. I took her comment to mean that she would be paying for her half, especially since the OP has clarified that she offers to (and has) paid for dates. If I were you, and I was interested in going to a spa, I would say, "OK, let's look at their website and find some stuff that we can both afford." Spas usually have their menu of services on their website. If you can't see her arrogance, that's a problem. "My body deserves it" doesn't exactly describe one that is humble, modest, or low key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 If you can't see her arrogance, that's a problem. "My body deserves it" doesn't exactly describe one that is humble, modest, or low key. Or, it probably was...a JOKE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Go Habs Go Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Or, it probably was...a JOKE! A bad joke if it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 "It's expensive but my body is worth it." She's basically putting her ____ on a plate for him if he ponies up and spoils her. Dump. Her. Now. That doesn't mean anything...that means she thinks it's good to spend money on her body,it doesn't mean that she expects the guy to pay for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 That doesn't mean anything...that means she thinks it's good to spend money on her body,it doesn't mean that she expects the guy to pay for it. Guess you've never been to the Bay Area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilroy Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I am very surprised by the number of responses here saying 'dump her'. I am not sure what is the big deal. She suggested for a spa. We do not know if she is expecting the OP to pay for both. So what is wrong now? And her comment "I am worth it" may just mean that she takes pride in her body. How does that make her a gold-digger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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