tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 One of the women I'm seeing suggested we go to a spa together as a date... and she emailed me a link to a specific spa. I checked it out and it is a high end spa in our city - maybe the highest end. She said in her email "it's on the expensive side but my body is worth it". We've been dating casually for a few weeks and we have had sex (just to give you an idea of how these dates have progressed). She probably thought I'd like it because I do yoga and have been on yoga trips where a spa experience was part of the trip package. Anyway, for two people this could easily cost over $500 and it isn't clear to me at all if she is suggesting I pay for this for us both... or that we go dutch, or that she is offering (I don't think she is offering actually). The city I live in has a lot of internet millionaires and thus a lot of gold diggers and I'm aware of this. I've heard many women say they are looking for a millionaire since our city has so many. Even my grandmother told my sister "you can just as easily fall in love with a rich guy as a mediocre guy". I used to work for one of the companies that is known to have produced a lot of millionaires and so I'm often on edge trying to evaluate if a women is interested actually in me as a person, or if her interest is driven more by what she perceives my bank account might be (I try to be very low key about that in fact and I'm not one of the millionaires). Honestly, I think this is one of the ways that many women objectify men... but I digress from the point of my post. If a women suggests a date like that... what would you guess is her intention on who is paying? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 "It's expensive but my body is worth it." Dump. Her. Now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'm sorry, but going to a spa "as a date" is really weird to me. I think that should be something a long-term couple would do, but not someone you have only been out a few times with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'd think she meant you each paid your own way - no point in assuming that she's assuming you pay, if you see what I mean. Give her the benefit of the doubt! If she is assuming you'll pay, then I would dump her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 "It's expensive but my body is worth it." Dump. Her. Now. Lol but would you mind elaborating on why you say this? Do you think she is suggesting I pay the entire thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'd think she meant you each paid your own way - no point in assuming that she's assuming you pay, if you see what I mean. Give her the benefit of the doubt! If she is assuming you'll pay, then I would dump her. "It's expensive but my body is worth it." She's basically putting her ____ on a plate for him if he ponies up and spoils her. Dump. Her. Now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guynextdoor Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Just tell her you are not interested as its price on the high end. If she offers to take care of it then you are set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Lol but would you mind elaborating on why you say this? Do you think she is suggesting I pay the entire thing? See above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Personally I would never suggest a date like that to man I've been casually seeing for a couple of weeks. I'd be weary of her suggesting such an expensive date, unless she's offering to pay but from what you posted it doesn't seem like she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 "It's expensive but my body is worth it." She's basically putting her ____ on a plate for him if he ponies up and spoils her. Dump. Her. Now. Oh, I just took that as a teasing comment - L'Oreal, I'm worth it! If she wants to treat him or go Dutch, that seems fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thathoopla Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 She just wants your money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 I'd think she meant you each paid your own way - no point in assuming that she's assuming you pay, if you see what I mean. Give her the benefit of the doubt! If she is assuming you'll pay, then I would dump her. Sure but what is a tactful way to find out her intent without just coming right out and asking her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 hm. that's kind of pricey. i think since she brought it up, she should actually pay for you!! i know in the past when i have suggest an expensive restaurant for dinner, i paid for it. or split the bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 She just wants your money. Agreed. Golddigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 image removed I'd run too with such "I'm worth it" comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 She just wants your money. What makes you say this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Some people like expensive things so she might want you to share in that (but you each pay your own way). BUT, if she wants you to PAY FOR HER, then I would do what Hex suggested and dump her cause that could be considered gold digging behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Sure but what is a tactful way to find out her intent without just coming right out and asking her? Well, I suppose given the hostility on this thread saying you should dump her, I suppose just be honest and ask her upfront! Or ask if you pay upfront or something, and get the conversation going. Or say it's a bit pricey, and you don't really want to spend the 50% that it will cost you. Then decide on her reaction what her intentions are. I don't think it's necessarily terrible, you need to find out before condemning her as a gold digger in my opinion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lila... Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 lol hexaemeron. Well the thing is that we really don't know her to know just how serious she was with that message, maybe she was joking. To answer your question tf, I would never suggest an expensive date without offering to pay, I would not take for granted that he should pay, especially if the date was my idea. I think that would be the correct thing to do. But every girl is different. How have your past dates been, have you always paid? Has she ever invited? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thathoopla Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 What makes you say this? She started off with a negative tone, then added a "but..." afterwards. It's like a sale tactic. "I know it's expensive, but I'm worth it". This means that she recognizes how expensive the spa experience is but wants to test you in how much you want her (i.e. how much you're willing to spend on her). And I do believe she wants YOU to pay for the both of you, really what woman takes a guy she's newly dating to a SPA if it's not more for herself? Especially not one of the most expensive spas in the city. If she were going to pay, she'd say "I know it's expensive, but you're worth it!" She's only been with you a few weeks, no woman whose NOT out for money would suggest a spa like that so soon, or would say a comment like that. It's a test to see how much $$$$ you have. It would be a waste of time and moo-lah to continue with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 lol hexaemeron. Well the thing is that we really don't know her to know just how serious she was with that message, maybe she was joking. To answer your question tf, I would never suggest an expensive date without offering to pay, I would not take for granted that he should pay, especially if the date was my idea. I think that would be the correct thing to do. But every girl is different. How have your past dates been, have you always paid? Has she ever invited? She has always offered to pay her half on past dates, and I've let her once or twice, and other times I just paid it all, but none of these dates have been very expensive - the most was a restaurant she suggested once and she paid her half. She is between jobs at the moment, just finished a 2nd graduate degree, and is looking hard for the right fit. Her field is rather specialized. Given that, I doubt she has the resources to pay for us both to go to this spa. To be honest, the idea of a spa date isn't that appealing to me, I'm more interested in trying to read her intent. I think I'm a bit hypersensitive to this subject given my city's materialistic culture. Just to give her the benefit of the doubt, I had just returned from a yoga trip over seas before we met, and I had talked about some of the spa experiences on that trip, and I even have her a nice massage that I learned while over there - so I am open to the idea that she actually thought I would like this. I'm just a bit hung up on the paying part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 She started off with a negative tone, then added a "but..." afterwards. It's like a sale tactic. "I know it's expensive, but I'm worth it". This means that she recognizes how expensive the spa experience is but wants to test you in how much you want her (i.e. how much you're willing to spend on her). She's only been with you a few weeks, no woman whose NOT out for money would suggest a spa like that so soon, or would say a comment like that. It's a test to see how much $$$$ you have. It would be a waste of time and moo-lah to continue with her. I still think that the "I'm worth it" is a funny light-hearted play on the L'Oreal ad!! Also, I still don't get why everyone is assuming that she thinks he'll pay. It could be her treat, or her intention to split the bill - he needs to find out before accusing her of just wanting his money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Go Habs Go Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 "It's expensive but my body is worth it." Dump. Her. Now. ^^^ This ^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Well, if she always offers to pay half, then it sounds like this is the same. I think people are being kind of harsh towards her. Just tell her you don't fancy it very much, would she rather do x instead. No problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tf987 Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 he needs to find out before accusing her of just wanting his money. -----edit ----- Nevermind - i see that you already answered this earlier - I'm getting responses faster than I can keep up with them [ deleted - Right, but again, what is the tactful way to find out? ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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