Confused and have mixed feelings...Advice?

[RoxyGril]

My bf and I are coming up on 3 yrs together and I love him more then anything. IDK but lately I've been thinking a lot about our relationship. We do have things going good for us. But, then it feels as if I never do anything good enough for him because it feels as if he's on my case. I feel as if I am at the point to where I am unsure if I want to stay or to leave and go back home for awhile.

 

Also, what I think is pushing me away a bit is his friend constantly being over here. His friend just moved out of his parents house about a month ago. His grandma bought him a house on the other side of town. Well, I have been living with my bf for about 2 months now and it feels as if his friend as been over for the same amount of time. I have told my bf about how I feel about him constantly coming over. I have mentioned that I don't mind having friends over but, having them over every single night gets diffcult to deal with. His friend will fall asleep on the couch and seems to not get the point that 'if I'm getting tired...I am going to go home.'

 

My bf and I don't get a lot of alone time together. So, I also given plently of hints to my bf about and he doesn't seem to do much about. I can see that with his friend being here is getting to the point where it is starting to bother him. But, I was more happy with my relationship with my bf before his friend started hanging out constantly at our house. I guess in away I feel as if I have become the 3rd wheel. His friend has never had a girlfriend or let alone dated a girl.

 

I think that this whole friend being over has caused me to have mixed feelings. My bf and I went on vacation for a weekend 2 weeks ago and I felt really good and that I was really happy with him. Especially I had spent the alone time with my bf.

 

I just don't know what to do.....part of me want's to stay and part of me want's to leave.

 

Any advice or opinions?????????????

[rosephase]

You said you've given your boyfriend "plenty of hints" have you come right out and said "I don't feel like I get enough quality time with you when your friend is here every night?"

 

Try being very clear about what you need and want. Do you want to have a night or two each week that is a "date night" for just the two of you? Do you want to limit the number of days the friend can hang out at your house? How many nights he can sleep over? Maybe it would be cool if your boyfriend hung out with his friend at the friends house every once in a awhile and you got the place to yourself?

 

Think about how you want that time to look like. And then sit down and explain what you want it to look like to your boyfriend. Be ready to listen to what he has to say. He might want the friend more in his life then you do. Be ready to listen to what he wants and start a conversation.

[arwen]

I was wondering the same. My experience is that most people (not only men!) don't do very well with 'hints'. TELL him that you simply need more one-on-one time with him, that's a very reasonable request in my opinion.

[Taikero]

Ask your boyfriend directly to talk with his friend about being more considerate and either going home at a reasonable hour, or only coming over and staying on certain days (e.g. pick one of Friday or Saturday, then maybe one or two weekdays). It sounds like he's a good friend to your boyfriend, but the guy needs to realize he's interfering with the two of you building your relationship, and he's also essentially c**k-blocking his friend!

 

I've been the single guy hanging out with a couple before, and I know the importance of taking cues and knowing when to take my leave. The LAST thing you want is to be resented because you wouldn't give them their alone time, whether for intimacy or sex. If this guy respects your boyfriend at all, he'll understand and do his best to give you two the time you need together.

[blueeyedme]

I agree with the above posters...I know that I don't take hints well and I am more observant than a lot of men.

[XxJustMexX]

To add the the posts above, I don't think it necessarily has to only do with one on one time with him either... I mean, who wants a guest at their house EVERY night... You can't even relax in your own home and be comfortable if you have a visitor every single night... Some people just wanna get home, relax, and chill... hard to do that with visitors all the time isn't it...? Your boyfriend should be able to understand this...?

[RoxyGril]

He is a very good friend to my bf and I don't mind having people over. But, there is a point to where you don't have to come over very single night. I just don't understand why his friend doesn't see the issue. I won't mind have a coupld night to oursleves without him. Not only is it for intimcy or sex but, also to have time to just relax and enjoye each other's company.

 

I'll admitt that I have come home pissed off because he was here when I would get off work and my bf wonders why I am pissed off. I've never felt this way until all of this started happening. It's not that his friend sleeps over..he falls asleep on the couch and here is my bf still up "waiting" on him to leave at 11:30..12:00 at night. I'm not sure if this guy can handle being alone by himself or what it is. But, he doesn't work at all which he makes money by playing poker. Also, he plays golf all day! While my bf and I both have jobs trying to have a life and possbily purschase a home.

 

Does anyone think this is why I feel like I'm being push away or wanting to leave. It's not like I want to leave my bf at all. Lately it's been diffcult!