Life is too short..... (?)

[leq]

Hi ENA'ers

 

So, do I tell my ex (the dumper) 8 months on how i feel about her? (broke up partly due to the fact i went on a date with another girl, biggest mistake of my life, learnt my lesson and have seriously grown and changed as a person since the break up)

 

She has come sniffing around. I'm with someone else but not in love (rebound clearly hasnt worked, she is single).

 

I am truly in love with my ex. Think about her constantly and miss her like i wouldnt have though possible. Last 8 months has been the darkest in my life.

 

Is life too short not to tell her how I feel?

 

Leq

[Brownstone322]

She should contact you. But what does "sniffing around" mean?

[leq]

Brownstone, gllad to see you'r still about!

 

You think?

 

Texting me asking why things are awkward between us when we see each other in person.

 

Asking me about the new girl (seemingly getting angry when i tell her)

 

Re adding me on FB

[Mauxly]

Wait. You have a new girl? What about the new woman's feelings? Ugh...the poor thing.

[Brownstone322]

Texting me asking why things are awkward between us when we see each other in person.

 

Asking me about the new girl (seemingly getting angry when i tell her)

 

Re adding me on FB

Well, if she's legitimately showing renewed interest in you (and you have to be honest with yourself about that), then just ask to meet her and talk. Then, depending on how you read the ensuing conversation, maybe you'll have an opportunity to tell her how you feel. Just beware of the emotional risks.

[leq]

Wait. You have a new girl? What about the new woman's feelings? Ugh...the poor thing.

 

Yeah I know. I feel awful.

 

But I cant lie to myself, im in love with my ex.

[Mauxly]

Yeah I know. I feel awful.

 

But I cant lie to myself, im in love with my ex.

 

Please break up with the new girl then. This isn't fair to her. Do you want to stay with her if your ex rejects you? She'll always be second best, you'll be settling and I doubt you'll be able to give her the love she deserves.

[H20]

Please break up with the new girl then. This isn't fair to her. Do you want to stay with her if your ex rejects you? She'll always be second best, you'll be settling and I doubt you'll be able to give her the love she deserves.

 

Yep agree. Break up with this girl whether you get back with your ex or not. You're clearly not with her for the right reasons, so don't be selfish about it.

[d_lilah]

Please break up with the new girl then. This isn't fair to her. Do you want to stay with her if your ex rejects you? She'll always be second best, you'll be settling and I doubt you'll be able to give her the love she deserves.

 

 

I completely agree with this. It's not fair on her, and you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone if you are ready to go back to your ex the minute she starts 'sniffing around.' That just shows you aren't ready.

 

If you do attempt reconsiliation, finish with this poor girl before arranging a meeting. If you don't, and she finds out, that will cause a lot of unnecessary drama.

[leq]

Yeah I agree with all of you about this 100%

 

But the thing is, I thought my ex was never coming back, and I do love the new girl. But im not "in love"

 

I thought it would follow. It didnt.

 

The thing is. I know I willl miss her terribly if we parted, and she would me.

 

I didnt think I could feel any worse after the break up, but this is just something else.

[H20]

So...maybe you care for her MORE than you think you do. What does 'in love' REALLY mean anyway?? You said you would miss her terribly if you broke up with her...so there are obviously MORE feelings there than you think.

[digger11]

youre selfish.

 

dating someone while you're in love

now pining for your ex while your in love

 

 

your feelings aren't the only ones that matter. get your "stuff" together before you continue to hurt more people.

[Mauxly]

Maybe you have grass is greener syndrome. You weren't satisfied with the first woman until you couldn't have her. Now you have a new woman and you want the old one back, but you don't want to lose the new one.

 

It is hard to tell just by a few posts on the internet, but maybe you have commitment issues. You love to love, but you feel confined in a relationship so you sabotage. The chase is more rewarding than the catch? If any of these things ring true for you please get yourself some help because you'll do nothing but prolong your own turmoil and really screw up women in the process.

[H20]

Maybe you have grass is greener syndrome. You weren't satisfied with the first woman until you couldn't have her. Now you have a new woman and you want the old one back, but you don't want to lose the new one.

 

It is hard to tell just by a few posts on the internet, but maybe you have commitment issues. You love to love, but you feel confined in a relationship so you sabotage. The chase is more rewarding than the catch? If any of these things ring true for you please get yourself some help because you'll do nothing but prolong your own turmoil and really screw up women in the process.

 

I thought the same exact thing...ditto this..

[leq]

Maybe you have grass is greener syndrome. You weren't satisfied with the first woman until you couldn't have her. Now you have a new woman and you want the old one back, but you don't want to lose the new one.

 

It is hard to tell just by a few posts on the internet, but maybe you have commitment issues. You love to love, but you feel confined in a relationship so you sabotage. The chase is more rewarding than the catch? If any of these things ring true for you please get yourself some help because you'll do nothing but prolong your own turmoil and really screw up women in the process.

 

 

Thanks for the response.

 

I dont have commitment issues. I just fell intothis new relationship, there was no 'chase' so to speak and no, none of it rings true.

 

I am in love with one girl, and one girl only.

 

We both entered this 'relationshp' (not that we have coigned it) knowing full well we were boht just out of long term relationships and how eachother felt aboit our ex's, neither of us looking for anything serious, but it juat seems to have escelated into what it is now.

 

Im not player and i dont find 'thrill in the chase' so to speak.

 

I thought rebound relationships were supposed to work!

[leq]

So...maybe you care for her MORE than you think you do. What does 'in love' REALLY mean anyway?? You said you would miss her terribly if you broke up with her...so there are obviously MORE feelings there than you think.

 

in love?

 

I dunno, the person you think about night and day? Who it pains ypu to be without? Who you want to make happy? Who ypu want to call and tell you have just seen this person/ that tv programme? Whos smile and laugh you miss so much?

 

But maybe you are right, there may be more there, just not as much as there is for my ex. I didnt split up with her, and i fought damn hard for 7 long months to try and be the best person i could be for her.

[d_lilah]

Thanks for the response.

 

 

I am in love with one girl, and one girl only.

 

in love?

 

I dunno, the person you think about night and day? Who it pains ypu to be without? Who you want to make happy? Who ypu want to call and tell you have just seen this person/ that tv programme? Whos smile and laugh you miss so much?

 

 

Despite all of what you are saying, everything boils down to the above. I think the only person you are benefitting from staying with this other girl is yourself, even if you said that neither of you want anything serious. If you do go after your ex, do you really think this girl won't mind? I'm sorry, but you cannot convince me of any reason to justify staying with your current gf after saying all of this.

 

What if she ever read what you say here? How would she react?

 

I think you only have two choices here:

 

1. Stay with your current gf, and see if things progress. In time you might be able to love her, much like you did your other ex. You can't expect things to be the same as it was with her, everything takes time.

 

2. Finish with the girl and persue your ex. IMO you cannot initiate a reconciliation while keeping the other hanging on. No one deserves to be the 'back up plan.' It's not fair on her.

 

I can understand your turmoil, but you have to do the right thing here. I think you maybe started this thread for others to egg you on with your current ex, but there are someone elses feelings at stake here. Staying in a relationship with someone you see no future with will only hurt them. You know what hurt and heartbreak feels like...do you really want to inflict that on someone else?

[d_lilah]

I decided to have a look through your threads, incase I case being presumptious in my opinion of how you should deal with this...afterall, I don't know your whole story.

 

Can I remind you of this:

Well, let me just add to this. I never actually physically cheated on my girlfriend. I emotianally cheated, as in, texts and meeting with another girl for a drink.

 

I got caught, and I may as well have actually "cheated" on her.

 

She left me 6 months later.

 

I think you are in a similar situation now. Granted, it's not the same, but there are deifnately matching elements. You also stated the reasons why you did this:

 

I did it for a reason. She didnt treat me right. She was possessive, manipulating, very VERY "touchy" and sensitive, and at the time, i thought my relationship was going down the pan.

 

I don't deny that you did love her, but you are making your life more complicated than it needs to be with the current situation. I think you are causing yourself a lot of stress over this.

 

Take a step back and look at how things might turn out with either girl. How are you going to feel at the end of the day? Will you be happy being back with your ex, or feel guilty about the other girl? Will you be happy with the other girl if you stay, or regret not trying things out with your ex?

 

What do you see as the best scenario for you?