ritstart Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Hey everyone, I'm new here and posting about a topic that's very important to me. I'm together with R for about 10 months now. We know each other since 10 years and have only recently gotten together, while having been interested in each other for a longer time. Anyway, so... we used to be really good friends (still are), and have a good basic understanding of each other. We do love each other and are looking forward to a future we can spend together. The problem is: I miss body contact so badly. We don't kiss/"snog", we don't touch, we don't "snuggle" or anything like this. We "just have sex," so to say. It bothers me so much. Sometimes when I want to kiss him, he turns his head away, when I ask him why he does that as it hurts when it happens the third or fourth time already, he just says he doesn't like it. Neither does he like holding me, holding my hand, stroking my arms/head/sides, hugging -- just about anything that's body contact besides sex. We don't even properly make out. The sex starts mostly when we lie in bed and he starts touching my breasts or my bottom. That's about all. There are no kisses, no nothing. Yes, the sex is tiring. Yes, I don't even enjoy it. What he doesn't understand, I guess... is that I want contact that has nothing to do with sex, too. Sometimes when he starts like that, he pushes me down and touches me, tries to make me feel good, and only me. He doesn't let me touch him then, says "it's about me this time." I mean, that's really nice. He wants to please me too. That's good. It's just. You know. It feels like a friendship with benefits so often. It doesn't feel like we're together. I've told him what I feel, and he says he tries to change. I waited four months, almost nothing came up. Then we talked again, I started crying, and he asked me if I was happy with him at all. I told him no, not like this, because there's a vital part I'm missing, and that's kissing him, holding him, etc. -- for me, it's a way to communicate your feelings, it calms me down, makes me happy. He did say it's nothing for him, doesn't do anything for him, he's not the guy that's glued to the other 24/7. That's good, neither am I. But. A little of this isn't bad, is it? Isn't it normal to want to kiss the other person, to touch them besides sex? I have such trouble understanding this. He says he tries, I should give him time, and I know he loves me. He couldn't ever fool me, because he's not that kind of person. He loves me. The problem is -- might it be that we are not compatible, relationship-wise? It seems we're both looking for different things in a relationship, or rather, we value different things. He values talking, just "knowing I'm there," while I like to snuggle every once in a while. I don't want to be glued to him the whole time, but just sometimes, it'd be nice. And there really is nothing but this sex-thing going on. Well, he's tried... I mean, sometimes he's touching me "deliberately," (it's mean to say it like that, I know...) like kissing my shoulder before going to sleep, stroking over my arm briefly or such things. They're tiny, but they're there and they haven't been there before. I just. I'm so tired of this and I miss it so much. I love him and he loves me. I just want us to be happy together. He says he isn't the type for it, it doesn't do anything for him, has "no use" for him, so to say. I just don't know. Any opinions? Thanks to everyone who's taken their time to read this! Link to comment
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