I really need advice! she broke NC after 2 weeks. now, im confused

[reed.rothchild]

We broke up over 3 weeks ago. We were in no contact for 2 weeks. She texted me Sunday night.

 

It surprised me. She said she was sorry for being so rude before etc...

 

I waited for over an hour to respond. Then...

 

We texted for hours... She brought up the relationship and why this and why that. I told her that I was less stressed (which was the major cause of the break up).

 

Then, she calls me! 12:30 in the morning. We continue talking and I'm being really nice and in a good mood.

 

Then, she starts crying! Saying that I haunt her dreams and the she really misses me and how horrible everything has been for her. (She broke up with me).

 

Then, around 1:30...we decided that I'd go see her. We haven't seen each other for 3 weeks.

 

She's sitting in her car, so we wouldn't wake up her roommate. I give her a big hug. I'm smiling and she looks at me and she would look and smile and then look away and cry.

 

She had a bottle of rum and some diet coke. She said, have some with me.

 

We sit in her car and talk and laugh and she cries. She tells me that a few guys have tried to talk to her but it didn't feel right to her, they weren't me.

 

She cries and says she misses me.

 

I was feeling tired and I had already had some rum and coke so I couldn't drive. I had to stay.

 

We go upstairs to her apartment and go to her room. And we're still laughing and talking.

 

We lay in her bed and we cuddle and talk. We start to get physical and she says to me twice, "I still love you".

 

We go to "third base" because I stopped it from going farther. Then, we cuddle.

 

It felt sooooo good to hold her.

 

The next morning I leave and go to work. She texts me here and there and I respond (small talk).

 

Then, she sends me, "Last night was a bad decision. We were both too drunk for that to have been a good idea"

 

I respond, "it happens... Next time we'll be smarter."

 

We haven't spoken since and that was yesterday afternoon.

 

What's going on? And where should I go from here?

[CatsMeeoow]

I've seen this alot on this board.... she was having a bad day and had no one to turn to but you.... she thought only of herself and not how this would affect you.

 

Next time don't be afraid to talk to her but don't go from NC to texting, then talking, then going over, and getting hot and heavy.

 

Set your boundries.

 

Let her know you are sorry that she is hurting but it is not your job to pick up the pieces any longer. Politely cut her off and don't play into getting strung along.

 

I know you want to feel that last night meant something... and yes she still wants you but on her terms and its not in a commitment fashion but last night she was just checking to see if you were still available and you made it clear that you are...

 

Don't sweat it as many of us have been there. Just pick up and go on about NC. I know it will be tough as your heart got involved again but you can do it and eventually you will be angry for what she did to you...

[reed.rothchild]

Man... it hurts if that's the truth.

 

I was going to even text her today and see how she was and invite her over maybe.

 

Ask her to dinner on Friday.

 

We at one point reconciled before 4 months ago, but we did so too soon and broke up 3 months later.

 

I figured I'd take it slow and ask her to dinner.

 

Did I mess everything up by going over there?

[iJester]

You messed up when you stopped at third base. Don't worry about getting back with her anymore. Don't worry about her feelings. Don't worry about what she's doing. If she texts you again send her one back that says "you're dead to me". Just move on, work on you, find another girl quickly.

[reed.rothchild]

Well, I'm not looking for another girl quickly, I need to heal first.

 

And I do thank you for trying to help.

 

After this I've discovered what I should do...

 

If we were to reconcile then Sunday night could be the beginning or the beginning of the end.

 

We did say that we wanted to move slow...

 

So, I just texted her a simple text, "Hey ******, how are you doin'?"

 

If I do NOT get a simple response that turns into a simple conversation then ill be extremely angry.

 

You can't sit there and cry and say you still miss me and that you still love and now pull back away totally. We shall see...

 

I'm not one to be played...

 

She still has things at my condo that she still has not tried to get.

 

If I get nothing back and I don't see an attempt to work through things slowly then she's playing games until she's "ready". And that is not going to happen with me.

 

I will take all of her things to her place and replace the locks on my door.

[RobD70]

You messed up when you stopped at third base. Don't worry about getting back with her anymore. Don't worry about her feelings. Don't worry about what she's doing. If she texts you again send her one back that says "you're dead to me". Just move on, work on you, find another girl quickly.

This is pretty cold BUT it might just do the trick. She would panic if you did this as dumpers have a hard time handling hated by the dumpee plus it shows you are standing up for yourself.

 

 

She still has things at my condo that she still has not tried to get.

 

If I get nothing back and I don't see an attempt to work through things slowly then she's playing games until she's "ready". And that is not going to happen with me.

 

I will take all of her things to her place and replace the locks on my door.

Go ahead and plan on this. What she did is pretty typical and shows she is not interested in reconciling right now. You gave her an ego boost which in her mind says "I like him but I can do better than him". You can make yourself more desirable by being unavailable because you can do better than her. Once you are in the mindset that you don't want/need her anymore and dump HER from your life she will freak out.

[reed.rothchild]

Thank you to everyone for helping.

 

You know how sometimes you ask for advice and you get it but you've asked advice from too many people and it overwhelms you?

 

I think I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me...

 

Last night she said that she doesn't want to be with anyone else but me...

 

The reason we broke up was because of my behavior...behavior that she didn't think I could improve on. Then she saw me Sunday night and she cried because she said, "why couldn't you be like this before?"

 

She said that she has to see if this new behavior is real in me, to see if im "pretending"...

 

She said that we have to go slow... And then we messed up and went to third base which I think she was upset with because we almost made the same mistake that we made before... Jumping right back into a relationship.

 

...So...I have to relax and go slow.

 

I can't act like a little kid because the first night we see each other she didn't say, "let's be boyfriend and girlfriend again!"

 

That only happens in high school.

 

She expressed her feelings to me which really blew my mind, we just shouldn't of mixed our reunion with alcohol and having a lot of attraction for each other.

 

I can see how a woman trying to see if I've changed and taking it slow (to protect her own feelings) would be upset that we almost had sex which could taint a possible reconciliation.

 

She even said, "I'm scared" ...because I've let her down twice before.

 

It was me they caused some of her insecure feelings, so, I have to get some perspective.

 

We've had a few light hearted chit chats today, so...

 

Taking it slow will melt some of the ice I've created. It sure did work on Sunday night, getting physical was my idea.