brownowl90 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 ok, small development, after 3 weeks NC she has just called my phone then hung up instantly, all contact for our son has succesfully been through our parents, just checked with them and they havent heard from her in 3 days. allsorts goin through my head now, does it mean shes startin to miss me?(clutchin at straws) was it a genuine mistake?(unlikley) was she ringing about our son?(not an option cos shed ring my dad) is she pregnant to her new man and building up courage to tell me?(my worst nightmare) did she just want to see if im ok cos i have our son this weekend?(again she would go through my parents) amazin how one little thing can make you shake and get your stomach turning again!!!! Link to comment
brownowl90 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 sleepless night, must have come up with about 1000 scenarios as to why she would ring then hang up and what it meant Link to comment
brownowl90 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 im still struggling here, the realisation is hitting home that even though my ex swears D was not on the scene and why she left, it probably was, all the lies, the fact she couldnt look me in the eyes for months, the 2 phones she had, often switching one i had number for off, the fact nobody would uproot there son from there father without a bit of fight for the relationship, unless there was someone else to go to! Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Have you considered counseling to help you get through this? You might benefit from having someone to talk to. Link to comment
brownowl90 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 ive had 2 sessions, they do help for a couple of hours then all the feelings start to rise again!!!! i think its the truth i need and she insists that it was as simple as she just wasnt happy, needed space, was missing her family and when i didnt give her space and kept pushing n beggin for her to come home she realised it wasnt what she wanted and didnt love me anymore! in my eyes that doesnt all happen a week after she was telling one of my friends she was thinking of asking me to marry her, it is not the person i know, thats why i just cant put my finger on it and let her go???? Link to comment
brownowl90 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 Major development this morning!!!! i need serious help, cant take much more, she called today and i thought it was time to b civil, we talked ok for ten minutes about our son, then i made the stupid mistake of asking her if she loved D, she admitted she did, i tortured myself and asked if she loved him like she loved me, she just said it was different, she said she had loved me but it faded away and she had known D since they were kids and they get on different. i for some reason asked if they had sex like we used to, that led to 2 unexpected bombshells. 1. she is still bleeding from the birth of our son, brown blood clots and is due back to the doctors for a second smear test???? 1 year after his birth, its been constant with only short intervals! so she said no we dont really have much of a sex life! so how does she know she loves him if they aint even had sex??? 2. they had had sex before she even met me, so the friend who had been like a brother when they were growing up was actually also a old f*ck buddy??? so i said u did leave for him, still she insisted not and that though she had always had a thing with D it had only started into a relationship 6 weeks ago when she told me. she had loved me but in the end we just didnt get on we clashed? i said its not fair on our son to bring men in and out of her life, she insited that she thought D was forever? my world is shattered, im at work and have been sick and cant breathe! she cant have loved me and then just love someone else within months, * * * is going on, why why why Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 You are assuming that it was just all within a week but that assumption is highly likely to be incorrect. People start disconnecting from relationships and pondering breaking up long before they do it. It starts out as a thought, something they ponder in their minds but don't tell the partner about. Then something clicks and that's it. It's been going on for awhile. I think your therapist has a point. It doesn't really matter what she told your friend, her actions speak differently. You really need to accept it and move on. You're going to remain a mess until you do. There will never be an answer that satisfies you anyway. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 You can love someone without having sex with them - actually you say they have had sex before, so that question is answered, if you believe you have to have sex with someone to figure out if you love them. You are still being very needy and extremely pushy and you are begging for pain by asking all those questions. You have your answer from her mouth now, so it's time to stop analyzing. She does not love you in a romantic sense anymore. Like I said before, she has been distancing her heart from you for months before it actually happened. I don't know what else to tell you. I do hope you continue the therapy. Link to comment
brownowl90 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 i dont know if ill make it through the night how im feeling right now Link to comment
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