In retrospect

[jbr666]

It's almost as if I deliberately chose someone who I could guarantee would be unfaithful.

 

I split with my GF about 2 weeks ago, after realising that she was always going to be unfaithful no matter what I did to try to change things...

 

Looking back, it was obvious that it was happening right from the start and that it would never change..

 

We met at a party, that is, my friend found her lost and alone outside my house one night. She joined our party and stayed for a day or two as she was travelling. We really hit it off and she came back the next weekend to visit. The next weekend she emails me to say all her stuff had been stolen and could she stay with me for a while......... alarm bells should have been ringing right away I guess. I'd been alone for some time and I let her come to stay and helped her find a place to live etc etc.

 

She got a job and started to settle down a little. Her parastic tendancies should have been clear from the get go, I can see that now, but I just kept getting myself deeper and deeper... We kind of dated, she said she didn't want a relationship and I thought I was fine with that, she was seeing other ppl but I thought I didn't mind, since she was a little nutty and I thought it would be best if I kept my distance...

 

She would ask me round to see her and other guys would turn up to visit at the same time..... I didn't like the idea of being in some sort of contest, so I tried to keep my distance. She'd keep calling and texting, real friendly and nice, she seemed to be interested in me, I continued to get deeper and deeper, by this time I was really starting to fall for her...

 

After about 4 months or so of this, I decided enough was enough. I told her I wanted a real relationship and if she wasn't interested then I'd have to cut my ties and move on. So that was what happened, I'd still get random texts from her every week or so, simple friendly, hope you're ok, thinking of you kind of thing.

 

Two months of this limited contact and Xmas was approaching. I start to get more messages from her, these were about how * * * * ty her life was, how her flatmate had asked her to move out etc. So I caved and asked her to spend Xmas with me. Deeper and deeper all the time........

 

We kind of dated over the Xmas holidays, that is, we were together the whole time, I told her again I wanted a real relationship with her, she just said let's see what happens......

 

two days after Xmas, I took her out to meet a friend of mine, we all went for some drinks and she ended up going home with and sleeping with him..... the next night we were in bed together and her phone rings and it's him, I could tell from the conversation I overheard what had happened. So I tell her to stay away from me, him too and I retreat to lick my wounds and try to move on.

 

Two weeks later, I find out from bebo or something that even though she had been proclaiming that this was some kind of great relationship... she wasn't seeing him any more... this is where I start to turn into a complete idiot (like I wasn't already huh?)

 

I figured I wanted to go back to the way it was before, I just wanted a F Buddy. Why shouldn't I ? I rationalised.........

 

So I started to pursue her.....

 

So I started seeing her again, thing about it was, even though she said she didn't want a relationship, she did expect me to be there for her alot. She would text or call me every day to come visit, unless she had something else on. I was around when her parents came to visit etc, we'd have dinner every night, I'd pick her up from work etc etc...

 

And so it seemed to grow into a relationship, but all the time things would happen, she'd stay out all night with male friends, go out to parties and not turn up for a day or more. Every time I tried to bring up any objection about this behaviour, I was accused of being paranoid or controlling and she could always convince me that I was being unreasonable....

 

I tried hard not to be suspicious and I guess I did a good job, because we ended uop living together for almost 18months.....

 

Anyway, eventually the evidence became too great to ignore, I couldn't take it any longer and I've moved out....

 

The thing bothering me is this...

 

It was obviously a non runner right from the start right??? So WHY OH WHY OH WHY did I continue to torture myself trying to make something work which was so plainly doomed to fail??? why did I choose to pursue this girl who was obviously so wrong for me??? I KNEW she was going to be unfaithful, but I kept on at it.....

 

 

And why am I even now trying to think of ways of getting back to F Buddy status again??? even though it was impossible to work the last time????

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sometimes loneliness makes people cling to something that is really not worth clinging to. You were probably feeling lonely and she knew how to turn on the charm. Users know how to push the right buttons to get what they want. Don't even think about going another round with her. If she is sleeping around all over the place then she will be putting you at risk for STDs.

[Tanzi]

You did it because you fell for her and you know what "they" say about love being blind. I guess you hoped she would fall for you and she would change.

 

It doesn't sound as though she ever really wanted a relationship ... she just wanted somebody. This girl slept with your friend for goodness sake! She is bad news and you will continue to get hurt if you continue to pursue her. You don't want her as a F buddy, that will never be enough, you want much more than that ... that is a reason (excuse, even) to keep hold of her but I think you know that and I think you also know that you have to leave this girl well and truly behind you.

[jbr666]

I do know, in my mind I know I deserve so much better, and that I was probably the single best thing that ever happened to her. I treated her really well, as is my type. I took her on holiday several times, supported her in everything she wanted to do and all I got in return was kicked in the teeth over and over again.

 

The thing is, that I was single for about 3 yrs before I met her. In all that time, I never really had any interest in anyone else, I just didn't feel any type of connection to anyone I met. There were a few possible one night stand opportunities, one I ckickened out of cos it was too recent to the previous breakup and one or two others that I didn't follow througgh on because I wasn't overly attracted to them... There were a couple of girls that I really liked, but they were both kinda out of my league and one of them was attached so I didn't pusue them.

 

This one seemed able to accept me as I was, even though she treated me like dirt....

 

Is there something wrong with me??

[jbr666]

Great, just had a few drinks and texted her to wish her all the best for tomorrow, she is being comfirmed into her church officially..

Wht a numbnut

[Tanzi]

Great, just had a few drinks and texted her to wish her all the best for tomorrow, she is being comfirmed into her church officially..

Wht a numbnut

 

Don't be too hard on yourself, you aren't the first person to do this and you certainly won't be the last. Just remember that when you open yourself up to communication, you are opening yourself up to being pulled back into a situation that you are better out of. Stay strong.

[jbr666]

](*,)](*,)](*,)

 

I literally cannot think about anything else. I am constantly back and forth, missing her hugely, wishing I could just see her one more time and hating her guts and wishing I'd never met her. I can't seem to help myself. I've had a few convos with her via txt, they have invariably turned out bad. These thoughts are becoming all pervasive and I can't seem to help myself. I can't work, I am barely eating or sleeping. I was out all weekend partying and running around with friends, now it's Monday morning and I just texted her again,](*,) about some post she was meant to forward to me.... All I want to do is get into a conversation with her, and at the same time I want to spill my guts about how much I miss her and at the same time tell her how much I hate her and how much she hurt me. This is such a mess. I really feel like I have absolutely nothing good in my life right now...