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Hiya Everyone,

 

I've found myself in a situation that if you had told me I would be feeling like this over a year ago I would have laughed in your face!.

 

I have a wide circle of friends of all ages and met a younger male last year through a mutual friend. I instantly thought he was a good looking guy and found him to be a lovely person. We kept in occasional contact online, just the odd hello and usual catch up.

 

Since February we've been in contact (online) pretty much daily and talk all night on MSN. We've arranged to go to a music festival together in a few weeks and I have since seen him (in a group setting about 5 times). When we're all out together he always stands next to me or if I go to the bar he comes with me to 'help me carry the drinks', offers his coat if its cold and is very polite and gentlemanly.

 

After each time we have gone out he's always complimented me on the way I looked on MSN and often suggests things we can do as a foursome (myself, him, my sister and the mutual friend). On one night out he said that know he knows where I live he might call in sometime for coffee if he is in the area with work, I said he was always welcome.

 

I have told him he's good looking, thinking I was being brave but realise in the context of the conversation he could've just taken that as a friendly comment.

 

He's recently been asking me about my opinions on guys, in a general sense but I don't know if this is some sort of cue to find out whether I find him attractive or just general conversation! He doesn't really mention other girls or women and has often said the females of his age and their attitudes and the way they act don't interest him. He had someone ask him on a date but he said he wasn't interested.

 

I know he doesn't have much experience with relationships or the dating scene and I really don't know how to play this.

 

I am unsure about his feelings (if any) to me, but the words he used to describe how I looked when we've been out (pretty damn sexy, mighty fine and hot for a mummy of two) would to me, indicate its not just a friendly compliment?.

 

He often takes an interest in hearing about my children (not in a sinister way) and has said before he envies what I have.

 

We seem to have kind of hit a brick wall. He says nice things, I'll say nice things etc and it goes no further.

 

When I am with him or speaking to him online there really is no issue with any age gap, its not apparent and he's often said I am 'super cool' and he relates better with me and my sister than females of his age.

 

Guys (and Gals) is he testing the waters to see how I feel?, I aren't sure WHAT I can say without seeming too forward to let him know I really AM interested. Or does he see me as a cool agony aunt?

 

Help!

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Wow ... this could have been my situation a few months ago ... even down to being called "super cool". I got talking to a much younger (and damn hot, I have to add) guy on-line. I couldn't believe he actually needed to be on a dating site, let alone be interested in someone so much older. I replied more out of politeness than anything. I pointed out the age gap and that it wasn't really me ... yet here I am 3 months down the line in a relationship that has surpassed anything I have EVER known. He is passionate, romantic ... a true gent. I am so very glad I gave this a chance.

 

It certainly seems to me that this guy likes you. He has dropped enough hints and spends most of his days talking to you on MSN. He has also made it perfectly clear that he relates better to older women than to women of his own age. To me he is giving you the green light. In fact the green light is flashing profusely!!! Perhaps you should take him up on his offer of a foursome. He would at least know you are interesetd in getting together with him ... this may give him some indication that the foursome may well lead to a twosome.

 

How do you feel, generally, about the age gap? Like you, I would have laughed in someone's face if they suggested that I would be involved with someone much younger than me ... but that is what I am doing ... 15 years younger to be precise ... and I'm loving every minute of it.

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Hi,

The age gap doesn't bother me at all. When we spend time together it really isn't an issue, I think he's older than his years and I am younger than mine and we kind of meet in the middle!

 

We have been out in a foursome a few times now, the first couple of times I was pretty quiet and shy because I was really aware of my attraction to him. The most recent time (the weekend just gone) I was more comfortable and he has noticed and mentioned it.

 

There seems to be alot pinned on this weekend away that we're all having, he constantly mentions it and even though he is taking his own tent he mentioned he would sleep in the tent with us. And says things like we'll have each other for sanity as my sister and our friend can get annoying.

 

I'm just so confused, I sit and think ''Ok, I'll just ask him if he wants to go to the cinema'' (theres a movie we've both mentioned) but in reality I just freeze and get too scared, haha. Its so stupid.

 

I'm just scared he see's me as a friend and I'd make a fool of myself. Grrr

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Hmm from an outsiders perspective it seems as if he likes you. But, I know I'm 20 and I love flirting with older women and I have this type of "relationship" with my friends mom and we've hit on each other for years (innocent). I guess you could always take the chance and go for it, you'll never know till you know, if you understand what I mean. When it comes to this type of situation the whole "finding out" deal I always look for events that would involve the whole night 1 on 1. For instance "hey I've never been the museum" "oh me either" "lets go!" and then your there for lets catch dinner after. Things at night time are more personal then in the day time because in the middle of the day you still have an agenda. And if they have been just say "you should be my tour guide ". If you always stay in a group setting you will never really know. Make a one on one occasion and you'll figure it out.

 

btw what is the age gap?

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Thanks for your reply.

 

The age gap is 13 years, 12 on Sunday! He's 20 and I am 33, it is a significant gap years wise. I forget how big the gap is, but then take that into account at times like this.

 

I am aware with him being so young that if anything did happen it might be short lived and don't have any long term plans in mind but he is also the type that has said he could on many occasions have had 'flings' or hooked up with girls of his age or thereabouts but isn't really that type of guy, he doesn't seem to be interested in casual encounters.

 

I think like you say, the plan is to get him on his own, but its plucking up the courage to ask him!

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Maybe you will have time to be on your on over the weekend away. If you do you may find yourselves growing more and more comfortable in each others company and the rest may follow naturally. Conversation of meeting up again on your own may just present itself in the most easiest of ways.

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Being around his age, in my opinion he views you as a hot mom. Not really someone to date or get into a relationship with, but more like someone mature to talk to, and have a benefits-type of relationship with if possible.

 

You say he's mature, and that he finds girls around his age immature. On that note, I think if he were to meet someone younger than you that was not immature, he would more attracted towards that.

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Being around his age, in my opinion he views you as a hot mom. Not really someone to date or get into a relationship with, but more like someone mature to talk to, and have a benefits-type of relationship with if possible.

 

You say he's mature, and that he finds girls around his age immature. On that note, I think if he were to meet someone younger than you that was not immature, he would more attracted towards that.

 

Thanks for your reply, all of your points are very valid which is why I am in the dilemma I am in right now!.

 

Of course, if anything were to happen between us and a more mature natured younger woman came along then there is a risk I would be dumped for a younger model, but thats true of any relationship.

 

I never planned to end up in this situation but have found that these feelings of attraction (at least for me) are so strong that its pretty hard to ignore, his age isn't the appealing factor, its his attitude, personality and the same quirky sense of humour we seem to share, the subtleness of it all is very intense.

 

Thank you for your input though, I am weighing up every pro and con there is out there, but it all comes back to the fact that he's such a wonderful person!

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Hi-I don't want to discourage you but 20 is awfully young.

 

I'm 42, and I dated a guy 17 yrs younger than me off and on for the last 3 yrs. We were very serious, very much in love. But...ultimately, I do not think he was ready for a relationship, plus the experience gap was too wide. I mean, I had to explain to him that it's not cool to hang out with an ex who is still after you when you're in a committed rel'ship - this is something I know from experience but he still had yet to learn. Many of those types of things caused us a LOT of pain and frustration.

 

He just is not/was not ready to give up partying and I'm settling down.

 

I am now dating ANOTHER younger guy (he's 29) but there's such a vast difference. The 29-yr-old is way more mature-he doesn't drink or party. Guys in their 20s are not all the same - think of it as a stairway, with the steps being levels of maturity. The lower you get on these steps, the less mature of a man you will find, and it could be a lot harder for you.

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Orillia,

Thanks for your reply. You're right, I know that 20 is very young and its something that I keep in mind every time I talk to him. I am trying to keep things on an even keel and am keeping it light and friendly. I just wasn't prepared to feel this way about someone who is so much younger than myself. Although right now that doesn't really seem to matter.

 

I am sure if things took off on a different level then the age difference would be more apparent.

 

I'm not looking for love or anything heavy, I am just enjoying the actual feelings I get when I am with him or talking to him.

 

The age difference is something that I am aware on a friendship level won't be a problem but if anything was to happen its something that I am sure we would both discuss.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply, your post was very helpful and honest

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You're certainly welcome.

 

My feeling is, if it's just light and fun, then no problem, but you know how we women are. We get attached really quickly, esp once we've had sex w/ a guy. I never thought I'd get serious w/my ex bf, but it wasn't something either one of us could control.

 

I do love younger guys, and they tend to come on to me because I look so young, but...I think from now on I am sticking with guys who are closer to 30, even if it's "just for fun", just in case!

 

Best of luck to you!

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Well that's the thing Orillia, I suppose if he was nearer or the same age as me I would just go with the flow and see what happens...but I assume you'll be all too aware of all the ifs and buts that we have when even thinking about someone younger or older, regardless of our feelings for them.

 

He is a lovely guy, great sense of humour, hard working, we share lots of common interests and views on things we've discussed and he isn't really the partying type...but all that could change.

 

I have no illusions or should that be dilliusions that it would be the love affair of the century, I just really enjoy the time we spend together and find him attractive and of course find the idea of something physical appealing.

 

But, I have decided to chill out, and just see how things go...whatever will be, will be

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  • 1 year later...

13 years between me and my guy. He was 22 and I was 35. It's definitely possible, however my guy was nearly 23 when we got really serious. He had a good 5 years after high school to see other girls and be a single guy as well. By the time he found me, he was so tired of the rat race........But he wasn't anything like the 23 year olds that I had ever known before. I could actually have a conversation with him and not feel annoyed by his immaturity. He was very mature, which was attractive as hell. Oh, and he's super intelligent too! BIG PLUS! He had already been working as an IT Manager for 3 years by the time I had met him. Just another plus. Had to have a J.O.B. cuz I sure the hell wasn't a cougar. Never been a one night stander....or even a casual sex person. ever.

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