i still love her

[loveuangel]

friends....

 

we were in a relationship, then i screwed up, yeah it was my fault.. i couldnt keep it within me, i told her everything, so she agreed to give me a chance. then cause of a misunderstanding, she broke the relation...

 

she doesn't even talk to me, and that really hurts..

 

ill post everything in detail, but i want to ask all of u (specially the females) is there no value for accepting your fault... and is it possible for me to get her back?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Without knowing what the issues are it is really hard to answer your questions.

[Tanzi]

Completely impossible to answer at this stage. Of course there is some value to accepting your fault but that mostly could be on your part. From your ex's point of view it could be a little too late. Time has a lot of value also so too, does trust. I gather she was extremely hurt by your actions so a lot would also depend on how she coped with that pain and how she has coped since getting back together. With a little more detail we may be able to give you a little more insight.

[loveuangel]

it really hurts to talk abt it.. i hope i get some courage to speak out.. its more of a confession...

[FootofGod]

it really hurts to talk abt it.. i hope i get some courage to speak out.. its more of a confession...

 

We won't judge you, friend (or I won't). We are all human here. Some of us have cheated before, some have done different mistakes. But all of us have done the totally wrong thing at the totally wrong time many, many times. Only the fools think they are blameless.

 

Unless it's really bad, like you killed her brother and should be locked up, go ahead and put it down on paper. I find it kind of hard to hate someone I don't know, anyway.

[loveuangel]

its a great amount of pain to write it, it just tears me apart. its more like a confession..

I am from india.

I and this gal, lets call her 'X' were in love, she had proposed me, almost 3 years ago. we were from the same caste, deeply in love, and always thought to get married after completing our education n getting a job. but after a year or so, she was showing disinterest in the relation, hardly talking to me, always being with her friends, which would hurt me a lot, and i was in need of some sort of support, someone to talk to.

Then in the picture appears her friend lets call her 'Y' [who was recently dumped by her boyfriend] with whom i really got comfortable, we spoke a lot, shared a lot... but in this time I did continue my relation with X but unknowingly a sense of relation had started with Y, and it continued.. Then the probelms started, and one day we did it(Y and i slept together), and it is a big thing for an unmarried gal to do, also for me, it is not that casual as it is mentioned around for us here.We had lost our virginity. Y went on getting deeper into the relation with me, and I tried a lot to get away, and all this was without the knowledge of X. I tried to make her understand that this relation between me and her was not possible and i was in love with X, which she knew since beginning.

And during all this I kept telling X that i got to confess something, but never got that guts to do it, but one fine day I told her everything, and had a sense of relief. I was sure she would leave me at this point. But no, she stayed with me, she brought me out of that pathetic condition of mine.. All this time I had no contact with Y, but to be frank used to think a lot about her, as she was so very hurt. And one fine day I got a call from her cell, and her friend told me she had met with an accident, without thinking much I went to pick her and to take her home (from her college to her home) and I didnt ask X before doing this. after about 2 days X went to meet her friend Y as she had met with an accident and X was telling me about it, and I admitted to her that I brought her home. Now again this was my fault, that I hadnt asked X before picking Y..

And here slowly my relation with X started to break, she started going away from me, then we had exams so had to concentrate on our studies. But after exams she was completely different. Then I tried convincing her, telling her many things. I was losing her so was trying hard to hold her. I was losing myself, had started to feel empty, most of the times i was drunk, then later started smoking weed, and always begging her to come back. this continued for some time. I was all time low on my health.Then one fine day met X and told her if she doesnt want me in her life then I will not bother her, but my feelings for her will always be there.Later I went to a psychiatrist for professional help, and was on some medication for about a week. Tried talking to X again but she never replied, and was no more interested even to talk to me. And during this time I happened to meet Y, and saw how bad she was all this time, so was talking to her and providing emotional support to her. But she took my support as green signal for a relation, but as this was not true she was broke again. And during this time I came to know about all the lies Y had spoken to me, to get me. They were really horrible, cause of which I used to talk to her (initially). As her lies were just to get me, I thought I better not to mention her and slowly walk out of her life.. Now I dont feel that bad towards Y because of the lies she had spoken to me, but the guilt will always remain. Also the guilt that X loved me, and i cheated on her will also be there within me.

I dont know how do I punish myself, I dont know how can I talk to X again, I am trying to focus on my studies but just unable to do so. All the time its just X in my mind. Last time we spoke she said she cant believe me anymore, and I tried to say, let her not love me, nor be with me, but it was me who came and confessed everything to her, so on the belief part she is wrong. So everytime I got a chance to talk to X i just blew it, was never in my senses, all my thinking process stops.

 

I have omitted all the details, condensed the 3 years journey in this.

 

I know I have sinned. But the fact that I love X remains. I dont know if she will ever love me back, but it doesnt matter. And about Y, I am away from her, so that she recovers.

 

I wish good for both of them, and want to do something, which will make me feel good, without hurting both of them further...

 

In this time I went away from all my friends, for weeks together I have been in my room, and there has been a drastic change in my behaviour.

I know time is the solution, but it is TIME that is killing me everyday..

 

all that i hope is, X is back with me, and Y forgives me. nothing wrong to have a hope right?

[loveuangel]

friends need ur advice, what do i do?

 

should I approach her? or let time decide it...

[FootofGod]

To directly answer your question: "let time decide" is always the best route starting out.

[loveuangel]

even though she is gone?

[FootofGod]

Yes, even though she is gone. You only have power over you.

[paulod]

Mate,

Time is the key and lots of space

[loveuangel]

But sir is there no way that I can get her back?

[loveuangel]

its this huge feel of guilt in me, that kills me all the time. i know being silent and concentrating on my studies is the best thing to do, but that makes me feel sick.

 

how do I live with this guilt. i know i cant force her to forgive me, but what do I do about this feeling?

[FootofGod]

Well, you need to forgive her and forgive yourself. Don't carry the guilt, just take responsibility and discard it, and you can do that by going your separate way for now and letting time do its thing.

 

Time and space are your best shots at getting her back, hands down, and your best shot at being a happy person. Take that offer.