JessieGirl Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, because I'd really like some feedback/advice. I've been in a relationship with a guy for a year and 4 months. He's everything I've ever wanted. He's pretty much perfect... But the problem started on our very first date. I thought we clicked..he made me laugh..we had great conversation..same things in common. He was great... Then came the "first kiss" and it was horrible. I felt nothing. There was no spark...our friendship chemistry was there, just not a romantic one. At least not for me. But I was blinded by his perfect qualities. I thought that's what I wanted..so I settled. We were together for about 6 months until I couldn't take it anymore. There was just no spark from me...I kept myself from him. I got grossed out at the thought of being intimate with him..there was just no attraction. So I finally broke it off. A month or so later, I was selfish and thought I did the wrong thing. I missed him so much. We talked, and got back together. I thought I missed him as a boyfriend, but what I've come to find out is that I missed his friendship and loyalty. There is just no intimate spark for me...and that's a must for a relationship to work out There MUST be chemistry. You either feel it or you don't. And I've never understood that fully until now. And now it's been a year and 4 months...and it finally wore me down again. I couldn't stand hurting him anymore. I was just so distant from him...every kiss was forced..every intimate session we had I only did to please him..I was emotionally checked out. There was never a spark for me. And that was my mistake to keep going on with it. So now I've told him that I'm not ready for long term...He kept bringing up marriage lately, and it really freaked me out. And I told him that. I'm 19 years old for God's sake. I'm not ready for long term! And I'm his first girlfriend. Shouldn't he need to experience more people for his own as well? I've had many boyfriends...but not a serious one like him. So I know what that spark and chemistry feels like. With past boyfriends, I could just look at them and instantly want to grab them and kiss them. I never once had that urge with my current boyfriend...there's something wrong there, yes? Am I doing the right thing by breaking it off? What if I never find someone who treats me as good as he does? I'm so scared...I know it's selfish for me to think like that, but it's just how I feel. Advice please Link to comment
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