Could this get any worse?

[UnLuckyBLeSSeD]

Ok, where do I start? I guess from the beginning... bare with me this vent could get long.

 

I am a single mom of a 3 year old. My child's father has never been involved and signed over his rights about a year ago. I decided to move me and my child accross the country to get a fresh start. We have been here for about 8 months and life has been great! I have a wonderful career, the love of my child, I couldn't ask for anything else.

 

About 4-5 months ago I ran into a guy that I know from back home. He is a few years younger then me and happens to be my little brother's best friend. He ended up getting a job where I work and we started spending a lot of time together.

 

One night we went out for dinner and drinks. Afterwards I went back to his place and we ended up having sex. We were never technically in a relationship, although we weren't seeing anyone else either. He was more like my exclusive booty call. A familiar face in an unfamiliar place. I ended things with him about 8 weeks ago, because I didn't feel comfortable anymore. At first I saw him as the man that he is, later I saw him as the boy that I grew up with, it was just too weird. We've still remained friends.

 

Fast forward to this week. I somehow got 'introduced' to this guy, and him and I have been talking online. We've really hit it off, if that's even possible online. I am seriously considering meeting him, because he definitely has potential. And I think he feels the same... This is all very new to me, I am not the type to fall for some guy I met on the internet, but he is different...

 

So this all leads up to today, well yesterday actually. I suspected that I was pregnant. All the hpt's came up negative, but I had missed 2 periods, so I went in to get a blood test. Sure enough I am pregnant.

 

The father of the baby is my brother's best friend. Nice right? I know that he is the father because I am not a girl that sleeps around. I am in my late 20's and have only slept with 3 men. Despite him being in his early 20's he is surprisingly excited about it. I think naive is a better word for it.

 

He stopped by my house today and told me that he loves me, and has always loved me. He said that me and my child and this baby complete his life. I told him that just because we are having a baby together does mean that we have to be together. I will not stop him from being a good dad if that's what he chooses.

 

So given my new situation I decided that the right thing to do was get rid of internet guy. I mean, why would he possibly still be interested if I was knocked up with some other dudes baby? So without telling him the real situation I let him off the hook by telling him that he and I are looking for two different things in a relationship. Which he read as me wanting to play the field, so he got mad and pretty much wished me luck with being a skank. Which is the complete opposite of who I really am.

 

So after ending it with internet guy, before it ever really started, I felt this twisting pain in my heart and I felt bad for hurting him. So I decided to tell him what was really going on and surprisingly he is A-OK with it. Seriously, where were all these stand up guys when I was pregnant the first time?

 

I am so ready to run away. I feel like if I let this young guy take responsibility for this baby that I am ruining his youth. I am seriously considering telling him that this baby isn't his, so that he can just go on with his life.

 

I absolutely do not expect, even slightly, for internet guy to step up in this situation. He insistst that he wants to be involved if I want him to be, but there's no way I can let him do that.

 

I am a strong, successful, independent woman and mother and I do not need a man to help me with my responsibilities. I do not know what to do, or where to go... for the first time in my life I am lost.

[sidehop]

It would complicate the situation with the internet guy and the little brother's best friend. You also cannot deny his role as a father if in fact the baby is his and he wants to be involved. There's not much you can do there.

 

How old are you two?

[HeartGoesOn]

I would not persue the internet guy, as you have enough on your plate right now. Even if you don't want to be with the baby's father, you do have to give him credit for wanting to be in the child's life.

 

Also, don't sell yourself short by feeling that you're taking away this guys youth, he's an adult, and should know that if he's responsible enough to be having sex, he has to be responsible enough to know that there's always a chance of a potential pregnancy.

 

At this point, I would concentrate on taking care of yourself, and the baby.

 

Take care...

[UnLuckyBLeSSeD]

It would complicate the situation with the internet guy and the little brother's best friend. You also cannot deny his role as a father if in fact the baby is his and he wants to be involved. There's not much you can do there.

 

How old are you two?

 

I am 27. He is almost 24. Internet guy is 35.

[UnLuckyBLeSSeD]

I would not persue the internet guy, as you have enough on your plate right now. Even if you don't want to be with the baby's father, you do have to give him credit for wanting to be in the child's life.

 

Also, don't sell yourself short by feeling that you're taking away this guys youth, he's an adult, and should know that if he's responsible enough to be having sex, he has to be responsible enough to know that there's always a chance of a potential pregnancy.

 

At this point, I would concentrate on taking care of yourself, and the baby.

 

Take care...

 

Even after being honest with internet guy he left the ball in my court. I guess I am just being selfish by thinking that I can actually have a relationship with him now. He offered his help if I ever need it, which I won't, and he is still interested in carrying on with me. I know that it won't work out between us now, but he is the perfect catch for me and it's just hard to let that go.

 

I understand that he should be responsible for his actions.... I am looking at it more from a big sister point of view, as weird as that sounds. Plus, I don't think I can face my family, especially my little brother for getting involved with this guy. It's just a really messed up situation.

[alli]

I don't think it's a good idea to get involved with someone at this point. That was a very nice gesture internet guy made; I'm pretty suprised by it myself. Even if he is a good guy, whose to say it would work out? I mean really, of all the dates people go on, how many actually turn into a relationship? A small percentage, at least in my experience. It's just a volatile time to start a relationship and complicates things. For now, focus on your child, your pregnancy & how you are going to make it work being a parent with this guy. Even if you aren't together, you will always have this child in common & it's important to start establishing a good, mature partnership with him. Starting off by dating some other guy off the internet immediately is not a good way to establish a good relationship with your baby's daddy.

[sidehop]

Even after being honest with internet guy he left the ball in my court. I guess I am just being selfish by thinking that I can actually have a relationship with him now. He offered his help if I ever need it, which I won't, and he is still interested in carrying on with me. I know that it won't work out between us now, but he is the perfect catch for me and it's just hard to let that go.

 

I understand that he should be responsible for his actions.... I am looking at it more from a big sister point of view, as weird as that sounds. Plus, I don't think I can face my family, especially my little brother for getting involved with this guy. It's just a really messed up situation.

 

I agree with Allie, it's too short of a time let alone you and the internet guy haven't met. People can connect with others on a personal level through internet all the time. He may be nice but who knows how honest he is.

 

You have a baby aside from your son to raise now. The little brother you see may be 24 but like another said, he is an adult. If he wants to be part of the baby's life, that should be the focus between you two. It's just not wise to involve a new guy on top of barely knowing this 24 year old.

[UnLuckyBLeSSeD]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of actually doing it.