He's never had a girlfriend, should I bother?

[anjabars]

So I met this guy from plenty of fish about a month ago. The first meeting/date went great! We had dinner, got to know each other better and found out we have a lot in common. We both didn't want the date to end with just dinner so we went to the bar after. The whole date ended up being like 6 hours. Since then I have been out with him four times (1X a week average). The thing is we NEVER talk on the phone and he barley texts me. Usually I will text and ask how his days going or ask what he's doing for the weekend? This is really starting to bug me. I want to see him more then once a week and maybe talk to him more, not everyday, but going 3-4 days without talking is odd. He has never had a girlfriend before so I keep using that excuse for him. He told me last time we were out that he is only seeing me right now. I know we have only been out 4 times so is it to early to have a talk? I don't want to scare him away but I also don't want to see him only once a week.

[DreamerGirl27]

This is the problem I have with guys. The ones who want to date me, don't want to talk to me unless we are on a date. I found a guy who wanted to talk to me nonstop for 6 months straight and I thought that meant he REALLY liked me. He didn't. So, I don't know. I don't get guys. The ones who want to date you want nothing to do with you unless you are on a date, and the ones who want something to do with you 24/7 just want to be friends. That is the experience with guys I have. I am completely confused and at a loss for words on guys at the moment because of it.

 

Just tell him you would like to talk to/see him more. It sounds like you already tried. If he doesn't get the hint the second time, dump him. lol don't know what else to say.

[GoneCrazy]

Maybe he's worried if he talks to you to much it might show that he is clingy person.

[Tethryn]

Could just be a really nice sheltered guy like me who has NO idea what to do?

[petite]

Maybe he doesn't want to scare you away. Four dates isn't much really, especially if that is your main source of interaction.

[JusticeLaw9]

He might not be a phone person and do better in a person-to-person interaction. I don't think him not having a girlfriend should be a disqualifying mark for the fact that although he has no experience points, he also isn't jaded so you might be able to raise him right. If you're going to take on that role, than you're going to have to be patient with him.

[GoneCrazy]

Could just be a really nice sheltered guy like me who has NO idea what to do?

 

x2 i'm the same nice guy who has no clue, and reading things on the web and from other people would leave my head spinning.

[teabee]

I wouldn't read into it too much yet. Maybe you are over-obsessing a little?

 

He might not be a phone person and do better in a person-to-person interaction. I don't think him not having a girlfriend should be a disqualifying mark for the fact that although he has no experience points, he also isn't jaded so you might be able to raise him right. If you're going to take on that role, than you're going to have to be patient with him.

 

I'm with JusticeLaw.

[Clarity]

Wow, what is this guy doing wrong? Maybe he has a life? Maybe his job/school keeps him busy?!

 

I would judge him based on your face-to-face interaction rather than a lack of texting or calling. I'm certainly not going to get into text or phone tag with a girl I'm dating until we're serious and have dated a for a while.

 

I think it's unfair to pin this on him never having had a gf, especially since you have only been out with him 4-5 times. Do you consider yourself his gf?!

 

If you want to see him more, take the initiative, but maybe he wants to take things slow - consider that. I am definitely one of those guys now, after having learned the hard way, I don't give up a lot of my schedule (i.e. more than once a week) for a girl I'm dating, in the early stages.

[LonelyPast]

My guess? He's just nervous! How old is the guy? If he finds you attractive then he's probably going to be pretty self-conscious when you interact since he's so used to being alone. In his mind, the less communication there is then the less chance there is of slipping up and ruining everything. At this point in the relationship he's still going to be on his best behavior and breathe a sigh of relief after every successful encounter. He might seem natural and relaxed when you're together, but even that can take a full week of gathering his wits if he's new at this!

 

After 4 dates I'd bet you have some idea whether you like the guy or not. If you do, you ought to let him know that he can relax a little and doesn't need to impress you every single time that you talk! He might be saving all of his interesting stories for date night so he has a buffer of conversation topics to run through to avoid the dreaded 'awkward silence.' He might be worried that if he stays in touch all week long that he'll have nothing to say the next time you meet! You need to let him know that's alright, and that sometimes dates are just about being with the other person without having to keep them entertained the entire time.

 

It's also possible that he's afraid of being friends-zoned. Guys get a lot of advice on creating sexual tension and leaving women wanting more in order to distance themselves from the 'readily available and eager to please' attitudes that characterize platonic friendships. It sounds like he might be going a little overboard on the aloofness to mask any signs of clingyness, desperation, or a desire to form a deeper connection. Call him on it and see what happens!

 

That being said... My advice is mostly just a projection of what I've been through, so it doesn't all necessarily apply.