hedpe70 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I, like many others who post here, will apologize in advance for the length of this post. I feel like I've been through hell, but I'm finally seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. My story starts with a three-and-a-half-year relationship with my wife. We were married last June, which was easily the happiest day of my life. Now, 11 months later, I'm facing my worst nightmare. One month after we were married, I moved 1,000 miles away to attend graduate school. We knew it was going to come to that sooner or later as I was working in a dying industry. It was either go back to school to change careers or sit around and wait to get laid off. After several long discussions about the subject, we decided my going to school was the best thing for us to do. The timing was good, believe it or not, because she was starting law school at the same time I was leaving, so she'd completely be able to focus on what was sure to be a busy year for her. Things were working out really well for most of the year. We talked all the time, visited when we could and our relationship was strong. A few months ago, I noticed that she was starting to pull away from me. I'm big on communication and I feel that problems should be talked out when they're small instead of letting them fester and turn into bigger issues. We talked about it and had a very nice, civil conversation when I was visiting her during my spring break. We've always been able to solve issues rather easily and amicably. The rest of my spring break was great as we really enjoyed each other's company before I had to leave to go back to school. One day after arriving at school, I receive a Facebook e-mail from her requesting space, saying that the conversation we had about her pulling away really upset her. After an initial freakout, I agreed to give her all sorts of space. She assured me that this wasn't something we couldn't work out, but she just needed time to focus on school. Again, I agreed. During this time of space, I didn't contact her. I wanted to give her what she asked for. She knew how to get in touch with me, so if she wanted to talk to me, she could. During this time, I focused on myself — finishing up graduate school, looking for jobs, working out (I've lost 40 pounds and dropped a couple of pants sizes) and focusing on things that I felt like I could do better in our relationship. Seven weeks have passed and she tried calling me once — four days ago. I missed the call, unfortunately, but I'm almost glad I did. The message she left me sounded more appropriate for an acquaintance than a husband. She was cold and indifferent. I called her back and left her a message to let her know I got her message. For a while prior to this exchange, I was hoping that this would be the time of our reconciliation. Before this need for space came up, we had planned on her coming up for my graduation — something extremely important to me. Since she asked for space through her semester and her semester is now over, I held out the small hope that she'd come up to be a part of my important day, which is this coming weekend. This past Sunday, however, I received a text message from her saying that she's currently in Central America and that she'd call me when she got back. On Monday, I found a package at my apartment from her that contains all my mail and a small note that asked me to forward my mail up here. Nothing more. It's abundantly clear to me that my marriage is over. We didn't even make it a year. But you know what? No contact through this point was the absolute best decision I could have ever made. While I was understandably devastated in the first few weeks of my giving her the space she wanted, I started to heal. I started to understand that people who love each other don't put each other through this kind of torment. I started to realize that my relationship with her, while full of fun, loving and blissful moments, was not be meant to be. I've come to terms with what's happening right now and what's about to happen in the near future. And you know what, ENA? I'm OK. Yeah, I'm OK. I'm going to be just fine. My life will go on, and I'll come out of this much stronger than I went into it. I can already feel it. Does this mean I no longer love my wife? Absolutely not. In fact, I love my wife so much that I'm willing to let her go. I want her to be happy. If it's not with me, then so be it. But through this whole situation, you know who I really learned to love? Me. I've always struggled with my insecurities and doubts about myself, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I've got a great handle on them. I've got a lot going for me right now, despite my impending divorce, and there's a lot to be happy about. Most importantly, I'm happy about being happy with myself. I hope that makes sense. I've finally accepted myself for all my flaws as well as my successes. I'm now confident that, somewhere down the line, someone will accept the same things in me. I realize I'm still on a very long road, and I'm taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. But the more steps I take, the more I notice a bounce to them. I've noticed that I'm finally off that horrible emotional roller coaster I had ridden for weeks. I'm completely in control of my life and my future, and everything's going to be OK. I know there are a lot of people on this forum who are struggling with terrible heartache, and I really feel for you. I was there, too, and to some extent, I'm still there. But please know that you will move on. You will find yourself again. You will see the light at the end of the darkness. Going through what most of us are going through now is one of the toughest things you'll ever have to face. But just think of how much better and stronger a person you'll be on the other side of it. I know it's difficult to see such things, but have faith. This, too, shall pass. Link to comment
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