I feel like cutting my sister off...

[enzarto]

My sister does not treat me with enough respect and she keeps to herself mostly because I don't talk to her. She does not see me as anything valuable to her and it is not specifically me, I've received complaints from everyone in the family. Inwardly however that is her social life, on the outside to her friends, she treats them with more calibre and value compared to her own family.

 

We don't exactly know her problem, but she demonstrates traits of selfishness, she abuses me, and says very rude things to me. "But who am I?" she said once, nothing....

 

I am older, I am 23 and she is 19. At one point, we agreed that she would grow out of it, but now she is the age I was when many of these complaints occurred about her, and I was a lot more mature in that respect than she is when I was that age.

 

I seriously just feel like cutting her off, I don't talk to her, I don't even know her, she was with a man that used to beat her, and honestly it hurt me so much, but I didn't do anything about it, because of her lack of respect for me.

 

I have ran out of ideas, we are both adults so i dont expect/want my parents to be involved, theyve taught us what we need to know, i feel like just cutting her off, what are your thoughts?

[Speranza]

What would you have done if you HAD intervened? Sometimes people push those they love (or ought to) to the limits to kind of 'prove' their love. The kids I work with usually have really low self esteem (so do people who choose violent partners, very often - they may LOOK confident but they usually aren't). They have a set view of themselves as unlovable. So they set out to prove themselves right by behaving so badly that they force adults to agree with their opinion: "You are a bad kid."

 

Just saying, not to excuse her, but if she had problems and the family weren't 'there' for her, y'all kind of proved her point. I don't mean you did anhything wrong, I don't know the situation, but it's likely her behaviour does not match what she really thinks.

 

Have any of you ever been able to talk to her about this without shouting or arguing?

[enzarto]

yes I have it used to be that way we used to be close. I also agree that she has a conscience and knows that what she does/says is wrong.

 

I don't like what she's become anymore...one thing I didn't mention is that I have been always the one who has set a truce among us anytime we fought, it has NEVER been her. So I'm tired now, the love is one sided, and I am completely fed up with her, our younger memories are just memories I feel.

[Speranza]

Well that is your answer for now. If you are all out of energy, then do it. Maybe she will think about it...

[enzarto]

I can't wait to just leave this household and go about myself, I stopped mysefl from complaining because I too have problems, (not against her though), so I don't bugger about people too long.

[cannon77]

I can't wait to just leave this household and go about myself, I stopped mysefl from complaining because I too have problems, (not against her though), so I don't bugger about people too long.

 

Friend, you cannot control difficult people, you must focus on yourself and not worry about your sister. Do not forget her, simply bring your mind to peace about her and ask God that she will one day become happy again in life.

 

Sorry to say friend, but there is a lot of cases like yours out there, people go lifetimes without talking to siblings. I hope this does not happen to you, however, you can not let that bother you. You already said it yourself, she is a difficult person, so expending energy on her to get her to respect you would be wasted energy on her.

 

You must bring yourself to peace in your own mind, and do what you can to help yourself and your direct relations in your life. Perhaps one day, you can find a way to speak to her again.

 

Friend, complaining never solves anything, unless it is to someone who will help you out of the complaining. Go about your own way and build up your own life.