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My ex told me he love me, I'm married.

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I'm feeling so guilty. My ex sent me a message saying he still loves me. To be honest, I still love him. My parents made us break up and then he went into the army and so we lost touch for a few years. In the mean time I met my husband, who is a great man. I love him very much. But I never totally stopped thinking about my ex. I always wondered about him, and I tried to search for him on the internet a bunch of times.


Now he has contacted me telling me he still loves me. I haven't done anything with him, but I can't help thinking about him. There was a love there that never died. I never thought I would see or hear from him again.

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We were teens and I wasn't allowed to go out anywhere with him. He went to a different school so I didn't get to see him there. I wasn't allowed to talk to him on the phone. We had super restricted internet access. I wasn't allowed to date as a teenager and when they found out we were more than friends (listened on other line of phone) they put a stop to it.

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I understand that your parents put a stop to it, but if he really loved you all along, he would have found a way to still stay connected to you. You guys wouldn't have lost touch as you did. I know that he went off to be in the army, which can account for loss of touch. But still, if someone wants to stay with you hard enough...they will make it happen. He would have found a way to you SOONER. It wouldn't have taken him this long to realize, "hey, I still love her."


Your husband is a great guy, you said. Focus on that. If you never loved your husband, you should not have entered into it. The fact that you married him shows that there is something about your husband that made you think that this guy could be the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't lose that. If you are thinking of this old flame more so or have been along, you need to figure out what it is that is missing from your marriage that is allowing you to seek that 'missing element' elsewhere. Once you figure that out, then you can either work on it (through couples therapy) or talk with your husband directly about it or you can explore some other avenue.


Right now, though, don't give too much value to what your ex has said to you. A few words are not worth ruining a marriage over.

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I think you love the idea of him, or the fantasy you have made up in your head of him more than the reality. People can change a lot in several years time. Think about what you have with your husband. If he is a man whom you love, and care about then you owe it to him to tell your ex to get lost, you are sorry but you have moved on and married and he cannot be in your life. Dont kid yourself, and dont short change your husband by thinking you can finangle yourself into some 3 way friendship/ love triangle. You cant. Itll only end badly.


So either tell the ex to get lost (politely) and forget about him.


or tell your husband that you still love the ex, and then let him decide how he wants to proceed from there.

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