Contact from Ex after 7 weeks of complete NC

[Jillnevingal]

My ex and I broke up several times during our 4 years together. It was usually initiated by me for something he did or how he was treating me, and every time he would beg and plead and contact me by sms, phonecalls etc all the time wanting to get back together.

 

At the end of Feb i told him i wanted to break up with him as he was really taking me for granted, shouting at me or moody all the time, smoking joints, out clubbing a lot, lots of things that together became too much for me. As soon as I said I wanted to break up, he said -me too- and BAMM vanished from my life. He blocked me on Facebook, never called once or emailed or anything.

 

i read on here that a man can quite often go a month without missing you, especially if the relationship was really in a rut before the break up. Also I read (someone wrote a book about it??) that a man will start to truly miss you and get in touch with you from 6 to 8 weeks from the break up. Well thats what happened. Zip for 7 weeks or so till today I recieved an email out of the blue which said >

 

Hey how are you? I hope your OK.You can understand that i needed some time to think and to change some things about myself... for example i don't smoke anymore. You have to understand I needed some time. Im sorry for everything and I do care.

 

WHAT TO DO ?

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Up too you, I'd proceed with caution myself.

[jellysandwich]

Read this thread

 

At least he is working on improving himself, that's a start. Definitely go slowly.

[Ms Darcy]

The question is, what do you want and what is realistic? You seem to essentially expect him to change. If after three previous times he does not, at what point are you just wasting your own time?

[Jillnevingal]

So does it seem he wants to get back together? he is not very direct.

[Jillnevingal]

PS i bet he has LOTS of dealings with girls since we broke up. He lives for nightlife and women when hes single. Maybe he has realised there isnt much better out there? ie the grass isnt always greener??

[Ms Darcy]

Again,

 

What do you want and what is realistic? You have to do the work to stay out of fantasy land and get clear about what is going on.

[Jillnevingal]

I dont want to get back with him. I just am curious to know if this was an attempt to get back with me or if it shows that he misses me, as I am still very emotional about him. Seeing as he disappeared so abruptly at the split, I felt like he didnt care. This email maybe says otherwise (or maybe it actually conveys that he is over me instead? By being able to be in touch and apologise)

 

But I wont go back. We tried again one too many times and we cant make it work.

[Jillnevingal]

I think the fact that he didnt say things like ... i miss you, i love you... means it was more of a hi letter, than an attempt at showing hed like to give things another go. For example he only said at the end.. I care..

[sahasupa]

It looks like he read some of the garbage on "How to Win Your Ex Back." That's the type of script they are giving there. I would say at the very least he cares about you enough to read that garbage, so give the guy a credit. As to what to do, that depends on whether you want to get back together with him. If you do not, then don't respond.

[coolchick64]

OP, something about your story reminds me of my situation and about rubber band theory (John Gray). Rubberband theory is the idea that guys will suddenly need space to work on themselves and pull away, but they will eventually come back if their partner doesn't cling too much. The cycle of relaxing into intimacy and then pulling away to re-establish individuality is apparently really common, esp. among men. Tired Tiger posted an excellent thread on this topic:

 

 

 

I think that's part of what went on with my ex. The thing is, I wish he could've taken time for himself without breaking up. It seems to be all or nothing with him. Super close then all of a sudden the big pull back, which so far has involved breaking up with me. Three times!

 

Don't know what to add except that it sounds like this guy may have been doing the same thing. If so, it makes his actions understandable to a point, but not the breaking up part. If he does want to get back together, you might try discussing it from that angle . . . like "If you need space in the future, it's fine, but could we maybe not break up over it?" : )