Can a cheating certified bachelor ever change?

[mazzy1212]

I would love to know what you guys think...

 

I have a really good male friend. He has told me, for years, that he loves me and wants to be with me.

 

He is a GREAT friend, but would be a total mess as a boyfriend. Without going into detail, he is a certified bachelor. Always has been- always will be. When he has been in a relationship, he is bored beyond anything, and to attempt to stay faithful, never goes out, but then he cant take it anymore and goes out and does his thing.

 

Im not thinking of dating him. Ive told him a million times no. He always says things would be different if I would say yes. He wouldnt be like that. He would be so happy and grateful that he would never stray and he would be all about me for the rest of his life and so on.

 

But the point of this is, not to ask you guys what I should do, because Ive never entertained the thought and never will, but what do you think of this in general?

 

A bunch of people in our social circle talk about this subject. Some of us say, he will never ever be able to change and others say he could be happy, faithful, and in a relationship one day. So I'd love to have some unbiased opinions.

[sophie274]

In general, I think a "certified bachelor" (serial cheater ?) as you say CAN change but is really not likely to, and personally it would take an awful lot for me to be willing to be the one to test out the hypothesis. Also, in your particular case, the way he talks about it would make me extra leery. He doesn't say "I've changed and I realize that it is wrong to cheat on a girlfriend" - he banks on the fact that you would satisfy him so much more than his previous girlfriends that he could stand to be in a relationship. Not really a principled stance, and sounds like an awful lot of pressure on the girlfriend to keep him happy and grateful!

 

I actually have a friend like this, and as much as I adore him I don't think I could ever date him - not that he's madly in love with me as your friend is, but it has come up a couple times.

[mazzy1212]

that is a VERY good point. i am going to use that in out lil debates hahahaha.

[sophie274]

Well in general I think the "it'll be different because I LOVE you" is quite a bit of bull. Let's be honest, even if he didn't feel strongly about his girlfriends, he didn't have to cheat on them. There are some good reasons to be believe someone has changed, but this guy doesn't even pretend to have changed - he's just changing girlfriends! I'm glad you're not thinking of dating him, because I would be very worried about how it would end for you.

[ponyboy]

The right girl can and will change a man. You could be that girl, or maybe not. Its a 50/50 chance lol.

[ay0_x]

No. Don't go there. There have been faithful guys with no record of cheating, who have gotten into relationships with girls they claimed to love and lo and behold, cheated. Everyone has the potential to cheat- not everyone has the heart to follow through with it. This man obviously does.

[Sanesoul]

Everyone has the ability to change, and it can and does happen. I will never judge someone on their past if they actively want to change and do it.

[minou]

My uncle, and godfather, was a confirmed bachelor, dating one gorgeous woman after another for years and years, until he met his wife. Everyone was shocked. He was a totally changed man and they were very happy together for about 15 years until his death of stomach cancer.