wibble Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 Hi, I'm looking for a little help and would appreciate any advice, it's a bit long so thanks in advance f or reading. Relationship Background I've been dating a girl (aged 30) me (aged 29) for the last 2 years, from end Jan 2010 we kind of stopped speaking regularly end Jan / Early Feb. We met through work as she works at a customers site (I'm a contractor) and started dating pretty much when she first started approx 2 years ago, we are both quite personal & private people so decided so keep things low key & didn’t tell anyone within the work c ircle. I would describe our relationship as serious, loving, fun, understanding & built on a great friendship. The intimate side of Things, kissing, sex etc was great too, I'm a laid back kind of guy so we didn’t argue or fall out at all. We had a great time together, and would speak at least a few times a day & see each other at least daily or every few days, we would do day to day stuff, eat sleep together too, maybe 3-4 days a week. Break-up (early Feb 2010) I borrowed some money off her when I lost my wallet and although I sent her a few sms messages during the following weeks, I didn’t really get much response from memory, this may have been down to the fact over xmas whilst I was ill with Flu she came round, was a bit upset we hadn’t spent much time together over the festive season, and kind of stormed off saying, "you're not bothered & I love you" March - Mid April 2010 Had very little contact with her, saw her a few times at work, and a maybe a txt message every 2-3 weeks coming from her, asking if I was ok, no rush but could do with sorting the money out etc (I have told her all along the money is here just pop round to collect it when she's ready, but she did'nt). Not seen her at work more than a couple of times during this period, would always have a quick chat, nice & light as was'nt sure what was happening with us, and it can be awkward talking at work. End April 2010 This is when I had alot more regular contact from her, she asked if I could sort the money out, I said yeah no problem, I suggested lets meet up too, I was keen to sort things out, I suggested having a drink/meal etc to which she did'nt seem too keen or was busy. I met up with her about 2 weeks ago, gave her the money at work, from this point on there was no need for her to be in touch anymore, the week end of April we met up quite a few times, few drinks & to catch up etc I asked her over & she said yes all normal and good time spent together. I asked her if she had been seeing anyone & she said she had over the past month & half, I was'nt too taken a back by this as I know people move on, she explained she thought I was gone for good, I made it quite clear I would like to see her and see if we can sort things out between us. She explained again how much she has missed me & still loves me. Saturday May 1st I wanted the chance to talk about things & wanted to do it face to face, anyway she came to my house we had a really good heart to heart, quite emotional, I explained how I felt about her directly and where I would like us to go together, I explained how we had how much I had missed her, our friendship & how much I loved her etc, she said all right things & we were really loved up together. Last Saturday she came over again, we ended up having pretty heavy kisses & some good sex. So I thought cool job done back on track, we had talked about the 2 things that had caused the issues, and had time to reflect on our relationship & felt it was well worth sorting out, a real shame if we did'nt as it was very special. Issues from her to me 1. Me being too relaxed & appearing not bothered 2. Her not knowing how I felt, I told her actions speak louder than words but told her I was in love with her.... and said the words. I also explained to her, we should have a good summer together & look at getting a place together end of the year (I have a house she also has a house under rennovation), we've always laughed & joked about getting married & having kids, I explained to her I was fully committed to this too & she agreed & was very happy. After I took her home Saturday, I suggested we meet up again the next few days, she agreed. May 2nd - 3rd The next couple of days she kind of blew hot & cold with me, I was quite confused, and she pretty much ignored my messages. I let her know I would come into her work on the 4th if she carried on ignoring me , if she did'nt want to progress reconciliation, she just needed to tell me face to face. May 4th I arrived at her work as agreed and asked her directly if we are ok, she has had time to think, she starting to cry and said she still wanted to sort things out and meant everything said on the 1st May. I asked her to meet me after work & we would talk further. We had some nice meaningful hugs & kisses & I left. I met her after work as agreed, we went to have a drink out in a nice quiet pub & loads of hugs, kisses etc basically talked about things further, pretty much same conversations as on the 1st but abit more detail, bit more relaxed, but still nice and fun too to give a balance & also chatted about 'normal' things too. We then headed back to mine for some food and more hugs / kisses but no sex I dropped her off back at work approx 22:00 as she needed to do some paperwork for the following day, as we got there she said she wanted to tell me who he had been seeing... She has been seeing a guy who works at her work but at a different office nearby, I also work there as a 3rd party and know him to get on well with, she has been seeing him for the last 6-8weeks and she has been having sex with him, I asked her if she had been with him sexually since me on the 1st and she said yes on Monday 3rd, so this is why she has gone / hot / cold with me. I explained I was shocked, he was'nt the sort of guy I would recommend my sister dating for instance, he seems to have been with most of the female staff & doesn’t have any long term relationships etc. I explained I knew it must of been difficult but she felt it was important she told me in case I found out. Incidentally he had been trying to call her all night whilst we were together, she told me. We talked further about to handle things the best way from here with him, she said she would call him now let him know we were sorting things out, she loved me etc to minimise upset. I told her I would leave her by her car so she could do it in private without pressure from me & to just let me know she was home ok & we would meet the following day for lunch / or in the evening after work. I got a message about 23:15ish from her that night saying "night xxx m'wah" I sent a quick one back saying see you tomo etc. I then went to see a friend of mine who has been helping me sort, and talk about things, he suggested we go past her mum & dad's house & see if she's at home or at his. So we did and guess what she was at his house, no lights on etc. I left her a voicemail saying I'm really confused & disappointed after everything we had talked about, I assumed she has made the call & he's asked her to go round to talk which is why she ended up there, Naturally I was shocked & annoyed, I also sent him a message telling him everything that has happened but in a nice fair way as to not rock the boat. May 5th I sent her a message about 09:00 asking if she could explain what was going on as I was struggling to understand her actions. I got a delivery report to the message I sent him at about 09:30, she was meant to be at work at 09:00 that day. At about 10:30 I got a telephone call from her whilst I was having a bath, she was very upset & crying. I asked here why she was'nt at work, she said she had called in sick, I've never known her to do that. I asked her to answer my questions from the txt I sent at 09:00 but she did'nt say anything, I got the impression I was on speaker phone, so I asked her if she was still there with him she said yes. I said ok as you can't talk now shall we meet up later, she said she couldn’t, I asked her just tell me why, & she just said "Because I Love - his name" it sounded quite forced and not like her. I thought I've given you plenty of chances to tell me before now why do this. I assumed she was under pressure or some sort of ultimatum from him as he was there, so as I was quite upset I ended the call with I’m sorry, love you loads to which I got back a "me too" from her although it may have been inbetween my I’m sorry & love you loads rather than after. That's it so far!, heard nothing since almost 4 days on and have had no contact with either of them. I was expecting at the very least a reply back from him as we know each other have mutual friends and work at the same place. Even a peace message along the lines of, I'm sorry mate we're together now, don’t want to fall out etc would have been nice, but I had nothing, I assume he was angry, annoyed, upset etc. What do I do from here?... I've been speaking with some of my friends, their advice varies from 1. Dont ever speak to her again etc (I may have to see her at work sometimes, I can send someone else) 2. Just let her know I'm here for her, short and sweet say nothing else. 3. Just be normal when I see here do not discuss things at all, she will expect me to talk about things! 4. Go and see her at work / home and ask her point blank something along the lines " I need too know for me face to face, are we finished for good.. Yes or No?" This will help with closure. 5. It won't last as she has basically cheated on him with me, he knows this now as I told him in the message, so keep the door open incase I decide we should give it another go. 6. Send someone else in to her work instead of me, drop off the radar, forget about her as dificult as it is. 7. Speak with one of her mutual work friends who knows all the above Any ideas how I should present myself to him or her in the work environment as I'm quite confused, she's been very honest at times with me yet very dishonest at others and I will need to sort out some work at her office next week so would like to be prepared mentally I'm also struggling to come to terms with the fact she's in love with someone else after such a short time... maybe rebound relationship? I'm obviously really upset as I've lost my girlfriend, and a very good / best friend (I've told her this) & I would still stand by everything I have said with regards getting back together properly or is this the time to knock it on the head for good?, no idea why she's done what she's done?! Thanks for reading and any advice or thoughts you can give me Wibble Link to comment
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