anonjen Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 It's been 6 months after a 3 yr relationship. He left me and went directly back to his ex. I still spend way too much time letting it all get me down. I finally felt free from it all in March . I was fine until then. A couple of weeks ago a friend that I've had for ten yrs and I got into a fight. It was over literally nothing, but now we aren't friends anymore. Basically, she needs time to grow up on her own and maybe then she can realize that I'm not the person I was when I was 16 yrs. old. Anyways.... I was ok even after that. Now, now so much. It's summer now and I can't help but think of my ex constantly. This time last year I was looking forward to going home from college and spending time with him. I have to believe that I'll be fine and that it's time for a new beginning yet again. I'm just so tired. I feel like I could really use a friend. I wish he could be my friend.I've accepted the fact that he's with her and I'm fine with that. What I don't understand is why he treats me like I have the plague. He left me . I was there for him time and time again, even after we broke up. I'm not bitter, I've accepted everything and I don't hate him. He calls it the "ex-factor." I can understand it beign an issue if I hurt him or if we had a terrible relationship. I didn't and we were best friends. We were comfortable around each other, we were honest with each other, we could spend time apart and still be ok. We were fine until I moved away without him, he got stuck in a small town , his family started falling apart, and she came back around . I've accepted that life has other plans sometimes. So had he. We had a good talk in February. He apologized for lying and cheating , but he said he was moving there because he needed to get out. I guess he thinks if he fixes things with her , then he's fixed the past. They had a bad relationship, and I hope this time it's different. He said this was he way out, and I'm fine with that. There was a time in March where he called and I though it was ok, but then he asked what I was doing and I said I was getting ready. He said oh so you already have a new bf? I was like no ..and what are you talking about ..you were telling her that you loved her before you even broke up with me? He was on webcam and he almost looked hurt. We have talked on and off but now he says he can't talk to me other than chit chat. He says he doesn't think about the past or the future, he can't. So he doesn't think about me. There are no feelings for me, so why is it so hard for him just be my friend? We all need friends. I don't want to hate him. There is just so much that still reminds me of him. It would be easier if I could associate a friend (not a talk every day need to know every detail friend) but something positive with those memories. I've done NC, and it's still there. So if there are no feelings, why is still so hard? Link to comment
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