He didnt show up to chatt

[Anusha]

Well I suposed to have a chatt with my ex yesterday but he didnt show up.We usualy chatt on Thursdays but I cant make it that day this week so I asked him if we could change to Tuesday and he said that was fine.I got online on the time we had set and waited for one hour online but he didnt show up.He didnt email or text to explain what was happening either.I tried to call him but he didnt answer the phone.

 

Like I said before we are chatting again for about two months and that is the third time that he misses a chatt already.First it was that weekend that he didnt show up,then last week that he said that his MSN wasnt working(he emailed to let me know that he couldnt make it though) and now yesterday.We only have two chatts per week and with all that we are end up having just one lately what it is bothering me.Anyway what you think I can do about it?

[Anusha]

Why my thread not showing up on the main's page?

[penelope13]

Anusha, what are you hoping to get out of this thread? People have told you multiple times that this guy is not treating you respectfully, yet you describe the same situation again and again.

 

Nobody can give you a recipe how to make this guy respect you, love you, and want a PROPER relationship with you.

 

How much more pain and suffering are you willing to experience because of him?

[Anusha]

Anusha, what are you hoping to get out of this thread? People have told you multiple times that this guy is not treating you respectfully, yet you describe the same situation again and again.

 

Nobody can give you a recipe how to make this guy respect you, love you, and want a PROPER relationship with you.

 

How much more pain and suffering are you willing to experience because of him?

 

I know you told me to just break of when we talked about it last night but Im not sure if I can do it.I have feelings for him and would like it to work.So I think that what Im expecting with this thread is that somebody can come up with another way for me to deal with that without having to break it of maybe.

[penelope13]

Oh I know that YOU want it to work, but in a relationship there are always 2 required. If he doesn't do anything to make this work, there is NOTHING that you can do to persuade him otherwise. This is not a guy who doesn't know you, you have known each other for 10 years and you have been on-off multiple times. Don't you think if he thought you are the girls of his dreams he would have figured it out by now?

[Anusha]

Oh I know that YOU want it to work, but in a relationship there are always 2 required. If he doesn't do anything to make this work, there is NOTHING that you can do to persuade him otherwise. This is not a guy who doesn't know you, you have known each other for 10 years and you have been on-off multiple times. Don't you think if he thought you are the girls of his dreams he would have figured it out by now?

 

Yes I do.And he actualy say that he loves me and want to be with me but he just doesnt put effort on that.And keeps acting like if chatting is such a huge effort.I understand that he is 5 hours ahead and that he gets tired of work and so on but we suposed to spend time together too if we want a relationship.And anyway it is just twice a week what leaves him with another 5/6 days to rest.I just wish he would take it as it suposed to be.

 

And he keeps insisting that the problem is the net btw,that he is just tired of all that.What let me wondering if maybe would be diferent in real life.

[penelope13]

His words are empty if he doesn't follow through with actions. If chat's is the only way you are staying in touch and he says he is getting tired of it, he is essentially saying that he is tired of the relationship

[Anusha]

His words are empty if he doesn't follow through with actions. If chat's is the only way you are staying in touch and he says he is getting tired of it, he is essentially saying that he is tired of the relationship

 

He says that if we change it to real life(meaning me moving in there) things will be diferent.Anyway you think there is no other way to solve it besides breaking it of then?

[Doc Blaze]

you need to go your own way

[penelope13]

Unfortunately no belief on my side that this will work out. I have followed your threads about this guy for a long time, but nothing in his actions speaks that he is sincere about this and that he believes that a relationship has to be a two-way-street. He is expecting you to do all the work, while he is not even giving you any guarantees that you will even end up in a proper relationship.

 

 

It's cheap talk for him to say that things will be magically different if you would move, because he knows this is a big decision on your part and he might not even believe that you would follow through with this. But he still has left himself the option that he could say he doesn't want to be with you once you would have moved.

[HouseKitten]

Anyway you think there is no other way to solve it besides breaking it of then?

 

It's already broken off if he's your ex.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with everything Penelope has said. If this guy gave a damn about you and wanted to be with you, he'd make an effort to stay in touch and keep his promises.

 

Actions speak louder than words. He might be saying he cares, but he sure as hell isn't showing it with his actions. There is no way to fix this - you cannot force someone to care about your feelings. You need to stop contacting him, move on and find a guy who will genuinely love and respect you and will not need harassing to get him to talk to you.

[ToF]

Hi Anusha,

 

I just read through some of your recent threads about your situation.

 

This might sound a little harsh, but this guy can say whatever he wants to you, and does not have to mean a word of it. And to me, it sounds like he's taking advantage of that.

[Jd1983]

Please learn to let him go.

 

I know that it's hard, but time and time again he is making broken promises to you. If he really wanted to talk to you, nothing would be stopping him. You set up 2 days a week to chat, but throughout that time he can always email you on a daily basis, if he truly wanted to.

 

His actions are telling you otherwise. Stop holding onto something that truly isn't there.

[happygal]

Oh Dear

 

stop looking for excuses for him

stop hoping for the impossible ,there is no magic pill

let go..... move on.... you deserve better.....

[LAYAAN]

I have a basic Q for the OP.

Why are you chatting regularly with your ex? He is your ex. Does he know that he is your ex? Are you trying to get back together with him? Does he know that? Does he want that?

It looks like he is just treating you as a friend or may be a bounce back when he feels he needs a little cheering up, he turns to you. Are you hoping to reconcile? Make it clear to him then. Don't just continue chatting with him, hoping he will get your intentions.

[Anusha]

I have a basic Q for the OP.

Why are you chatting regularly with your ex? He is your ex. Does he know that he is your ex? Are you trying to get back together with him? Does he know that? Does he want that?

It looks like he is just treating you as a friend or may be a bounce back when he feels he needs a little cheering up, he turns to you. Are you hoping to reconcile? Make it clear to him then. Don't just continue chatting with him, hoping he will get your intentions.

 

He knows it.We have discussed it and decided to give it another try.

[geekgirl4]

Everything that Penelope said is right. Actions speak much louder than words. Actually, if anything, actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. He can feed you as many things as you WANT to hear, but he will NEVER follow through with them. ENA has given you the advice you need to hear. If your situation had any hope at all, someone would have told you by now but they haven't. You can try to keep coming on here for the same advice but just keep in mind that when 100% of the people on here are telling you to move on for your own good, take the advice to heart.

[LAYAAN]

He knows it.We have discussed it and decided to give it another try.

Well, at least that is positive that you both know what you are looking for. Now, about his behavior... by being there sometimes, by not being there sometimes, he is showing that he is not serious. If he is not going to be there, he needs to give you heads up. Call him out on that behavior. You know what? He knows that you want to patch up and reconcile more than he does. He is not really on same page. You need to let him know that you are sensing a lack of similar desire on his part and you can't continue playing this game. Email this to him and move away. He will get this message. I've had similar experience with a man. I told him, if you can't meet me half way, this won't work. Honestly, its a disrepectful behavior. We are all adults and if he doesn't want something he should just say that instead acting childish. If this behavior repeats even 1 more time, I'll cut my losses and move on. Find an adult, responsible man. Don't waste your time with someone like this idiot.

[Anusha]

Well now Im even more confused,I really didnt see that coming.My ex emailed me apologizing and explaning why he didnt show up for the chatt yesterday.He said he forgot that we had changed the chatt day this week and that his mobile was on silent mode so that is why he didnt hear my calls.He seemed to be very sory about that(he even said "Im sorry" a few times on the email) and ofered to make up for the chatt today.He usualy doesnt do that in those situations,before he just would act like if nothing had happened and I would have to go after him to get a explanation.He wouldnt offer to make up for the chatt too,I just had to ask for it myself before.And now he just did all that without me saying a word about it,that was really surprising.And during the chatt he even said that he was really sorry a few more times.He was really puting effort to try to fix what happened yesterday.

[Jd1983]

I know we've mentioned it time and time again, that this relationship is not right for you.

 

However, if he truly is sorry (which is questionable), then I hope it works out for you.