Main Offender Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 I'm writing this because I guess I'm just tired of keeping it to myself and I want to see what people think of it, and what better audience is there than the internet? If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about killing myself. I'm not some melodramatic kid who's pissed off at the world, I just don't see the point in going on anymore. Everyday I wake up tired and have to pull myself out of bed to start a pointless day that always ends with me wondering why I haven't grown the balls to finally pull the trigger on myself. I have no friends anymore and I live with my parents who I know love me, but frankly expect me to be this prodigal son who's great at everything. I'm going to a community college and I'm failing two of the four classes I'm taking, I don't have a job, the only girl I ever really liked as an adult treats me like I'm an object for her amusement, and I'm finding it harder and harder to even pretend like I'm normal for the sake of the people around me. Some prodigal son right? I'm not sure when I started feeling like this, but I know that I just don't feel anything anymore except for depression and rage. It's like everything that made me happy just doesn't anymore, I don't have anything to live for. I tried killing myself once before, but due to a weird computer glitch my suicide note didn't go out and I didn't want to just vanish on my family. Divine intervention? Or maybe satan just wants to screw with me for a while longer. Or maybe it was really just a glitch. I used to cry when I thought about killing myself, but now the idea of it energizes me because at least I'm taking a step in a direction, even if many think it's the wrong way. I would have tried again sooner, but awhile ago my dad's best friend killed himself and I couldn't have gone through with it so close to that. I sincerely hope there is not a god, because if there is and it tried to teach me something about suicide by making my dad's friend kill himself or at the very least allowing it, then that's not a god I would want to be a part of, I'd rather burn. Even though I have plenty of problems with my folks, I love them and I don't want to hurt them, but I'm just hurting them by staying around here and I can't take their demands of me anymore. I'm a loser, and it would just be better if I went away forever. If anyone has any suggestions on how to leave them without it killing them, please post away. If you somehow feel compeled to try and save me by telling me that I'm worth something and that it'll get better soon, don't bother posting. Link to comment
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