Time: T +1

[May032010Sucks]

So after reading through some of these threads I feel slightly relieved to know that there are people to empathize with me and can genuinely give first hand advice; not that I ever doubted there were people experiencing the same situation as I.

 

As you can tell by my SN that yesterday was the first day of the separation. I find it difficult to find the strength to pass through the daily motions of life. I was engaged for 8 months and was about to step into a life with her and it all ceased to exist abruptly. I'm know I'm being very vague, however, even writing this post is challenging. I ended up drowning my emotions with alcohol to numb the heartache. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an alcoholic but it was irresistible last night. I really pushed myself considering I'm not much of a drinker. Everyone tells me that I have to surround myself with family and friends and to occupy my time, however the only activity I want to participate in is couch reclining under my safety blanket. No, I don't really have a safety blanket, but if there ever was one right now would be a good time to own it. Where an I get a Snuggie???

 

I try to humor myself hoping that at least I can shrug off the pain or at the very least mask it with jokes.

 

How does the radio know that I'm going through a breakup? Why does it taunt and tease me so much with it's heartbreak song and their incessant longing for a girl that doesn't love them? What did I ever do to my radio? Radio, please stop telling me you want to make love right now na na na...

 

Right now if there isn't something to trigger memories, then the simple vast emptiness sets off a memory. How can this be? Damned if I do, and damned if she doesn't.

Tomorrow will be T +2.

 

I wonder at what point I'll realize I've made the right choice.

[Sonicxman]

Because you let your mind be occupied by her. You have to keep your mind on other things. It's different for each, there's no set time on when this will be over. Some on here have been going over that for years. Let me guess, your listening to country?

[Mauxly]

Brace yourself. You are in for a bumpy ride and there really isn't anything that you can do about it. Telling yourself not to think about it is laughable in my book.

 

Here is how I've gone about the healing process, it works for me. But so far as I know anything would work with enough time...

 

1. Go NC. You don't have to announce it or anything. If she pushes you for contact tell her that you need some (indefinite) time to heal and to be away from her. Block her from Facebook, delete her phone number, do NOT go to her haunts, and whatever you do, do not stalk her or try to find out what she is doing and how she is.

 

2. Cry, sob, weep, throw things, cry some more. And don't feel bad about it. Do this as much as you need to. There is no time limit, there are no rules.

 

3. Find ONE or TWO really good friends you can confide in. Tell them to brace themselves as now you are about to call in your friend card. They will have to patiently sit by while you obsess, whine, obsess, think you are healed, tell them you are fine, and then start all over. They will be sick to death of hearing about it in a few weeks/months. You know this, but you may not be able to help yourself. When they finally tell you to 'get over it already', don't try to get over it. Just come to ENA and vent here until you are truly naturally over it.

 

4. Try really hard not to blame yourself. Take a good look at what you could have done better in the relationship (so you don’t repeat the same things in the next one) but more than that focus on WHAT YOU DID RIGHT, focus on how you are a great committed person, write down what is RIGHT with you and carry it everywhere. I know that you will miss her and that is bad enough, you don’t need the added drama of beating yourself up. And know that right now you are not in your right mind. Your perceptions are going to be heavily clouded by emotion (most likely depression), so any negative thoughts you have about yourself aren’t likely based in reality anyway.

 

5. Know that this is going to hurt really bad for a while. Brutal pain, you’d rather walk around on a compound fracture right? But the hurt does eventually go away. Eventually the pain subsides and you do find your happy again. I promise you this. I’ve been on here long enough to see people absolutely miserable, who thought life was over, who obsessed and obsessed and obsessed over ex’s (ehemm…self included) come out the other end better off. It is amazing really, this website, the power of the heart to heal itself.

 

Keep coming back here, post, repost, repeat yourself, make a fool of yourself (it’s OK, most of us have some pretty funky emo-posts from when we were in the midst of it all), but keep coming back.

 

If you have any thoughts or hopes on reconciliation, set them aside. Try to make it a non-option. From what I’ve seen reconciliation with a dumper never happens because of thoughts or actions the dumpee take. It usually only happens when the dumpee has given up all hope and had finally moved on. Lame huh?

 

I'm sure I'm missing a lot of crucial tips. But I'm also sure that plenty of people will post whatever I've left out, and/or heartily disagree with what I've posted!