Definition of being "friends" with an ex

[cherryberry123]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this definition of being "friends" with an ex is different from being friends with..well, friends.(ie. people I never dated).

 

Actual friends, I hang out with them...it's comfortable. There is no awkwardness, no need to overanalyze whether or not my actions are inappropriate or not (ie. latching onto their arm doesn't mean I'm leading them on or flirting)

 

My ex and I decided to become friends...but I don't even know how that works!

-Can I ask to hang out one on one..or is that a date?

-Can I still call him/text him frequently?

-Do we tell eachother about our new love interests?

 

I don't know what barriers I can and cannot cross from lovers to just friends.

 

Is running into an ex and being courteous considered being friends?

 

Please help me define this strange phenomenon called "friends with an ex"

[Blackhawk2009]

From personal experience you can't. I am currently going through the same problem, hung out with my ex at her house a few weeks ago. We were way too flirty and touchy with each other, laying on her bed at one point. Then I go to put my arm around her and get denied. It just seems to be a very delicate process.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yeah it can bea nit odd but if you want that personi n your life you just figure out a way to make it work. You may have to sit downa nd set boundaries...what is okay for one may not be for the other and sometimes it's better to just get it all squared away.

 

Having said that. My ex and I are "friends" and I don't think we ever sat down talked about it...I guess we just know each other well enough that if one of us feels uncomfortable about something and pulls away we know that's not something we do as "friends" and to be fair its kind of an ever changing friendship....It is really hard but for me it's worth it. You just have to decide if it's worth it for you.

[orchidrose]

It's a cliche, but from personal experience, I've been completely unable to friends with my exes. I tried that with the first one, and we ended up sleeping together for years after the break-up. We also texted and IMed each other constantly (just as if we were together) and basically fell back into a lot of our old relationship patterns. Every time I wanted to make more distance between us, he didn't let it happen, so I finally had to cut him off for good. There was too much history and were too many emotions there.

 

I haven't spoken with my second ex since the week after the break-up. That was six months ago. I still hang out with a lot of his friends, but he keeps away and that's how I like it. No interest in being friends with him.

[abigheart]

I'm going through this now, and it has been much too painful to bear trying to be friends with him. We broke up a little more than 2 months ago.

 

I think it depends how far you are into the healing process. How long ago was your break-up? Since mine was still relatively early, I have not brought up anything about new people he's interested in or anything about the relationship. I also have not texted or called him. He sent me an email about some of our favorite music, but I declined to comment back. Actually now that I think about it, we haven't really "hung out" a lot. We only have somehow run into each other several times and have remained friendly and courteous. I don't know if that classifies as "friends" either but we are caught up in each other's lives...

 

See, this is a really delicate thing. If the break-up was fairly recent, it's gonna be hard NOT to decipher what he/she meant when you were hanging out as "friends." you're going to end up questioning why he did this, what this gesture meant, so on and so forth ESPECIALLY if you still feel like you would want to reconcile later down the road. It hurts to be friends with your ex because every time you hang out, you hold onto a little glimmer of hope...

 

I don't know...personally for me, I'm realizing that being friends is just too painful and makes me take a step back every time.

[Day_Walker]

Being friends with an ex isnt like a normal friendship. I think that there is a period of time where when one person wants to get back with the other, any kind of "friendship" is just in name only and there is no real friendship. After that period has subsided then exes can be actual friends if they choose to be.

[tigerfan88]

Honestly, yes, I'd say it's possible--but only if the two of you are truly over one another. Otherwise, it's just going to be a "broken" friendship in that you guys occasionally talk, but don't ever really hang out. That's currently what it is between my ex and I, and I hope in the future that we can have a real friendship once we're both fully over what happened.

[yellowjello]

Honestly, yes, I'd say it's possible--but only if the two of you are truly over one another. Otherwise, it's just going to be a "broken" friendship in that you guys occasionally talk, but don't ever really hang out. That's currently what it is between my ex and I, and I hope in the future that we can have a real friendship once we're both fully over what happened.

 

Why is it that if someone isn't over the other, it would turn out to be a broken friendship?

[Tangz]

My ex wants to stay friends. Tells me she wants to hang out with me, do stuff with me etc. So immediately after the break up I ask to hang out etc, she does agree but I think some of the time its because she didn't want to deny me. Once or twice she did. So I started cutting of contact and telling her we should have some space and go NIC. She gets upset after a few weeks (basically at this point now) and says that we can make the friends thing work, saying "us not being friends is just silly" (I said maybe it wouldn't work at all). So the next day after this talk I ask her if she wants to hang out this week and she says she will be quite busy.. so here I am like ' * * * ???'

just shows we obviously have two different ideas of what 'friends' will be like.

 

If it gets too much for me or i get really confused over it then I walk away for good as its not ment to be.

[Tangz]

It's a cliche, but from personal experience, I've been completely unable to friends with my exes. I tried that with the first one, and we ended up sleeping together for years after the break-up.

 

Were you guys sleeping togeather str8 after the break up or did you guys have a period afterwards where you didn't get too close like that and then it just happened?

[cherryberry123]

Your breakup is still too recent.

 

We have been broken up since September, but I'm still not over it.