nanana Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 ... And I'm letting it ruin my life. My ex dumped me 2 months ago saying he doesn't feel like he can handle a relationship. We were together 2 and a half years, I'm 21, he's 22. I can understand him wanting to be single after being committed so long, we're both young. He said things like "none of my mates are still with their first girlfriends" and blah blah blah. Bit of a case of GIGS I think... Except the grass probably was greener. The night we broke up, he was hugging me, kissing me, telling me he wished I realised how much he loved me, said he hadn't lost any feelings for me. I was really confused. A few days later my dad had an operation, it went pretty badly and ended up with my dad being in hospital for just over two more weeks. It was a rough time for my and I ended up staying in regular contact with my ex. I think this annoyed him but I just couldn't stick to NC. He still insisted he loved me and that we could meet in a few weeks. 2 weeks after the break-up I went NC for about 3 weeks then contacted for that meet-up. Got ignored. I've sent a couple more messages since, been ignored each time. I don't get why he said we could meet up if he was going to ignore me at the time. And him ignoring me just makes me feel like I'm hated. i'm giving myself nightmares and extreme headaches trying to figure out how he went from telling me he loved me so much to now ignoring me and wanting nothing to do with me. I'm even drawing the conclusion that maybe he thinks I was lying about my dad?! I don't know. I'm ruining my life analysing this. He said he'd always love me, and I think I told myself he'd always be there for me. The worst part of this is, he treated me like CRAP when we were together. I should be thinking good riddance. But I will always love him, and he said he would too. I begged him not to say that and to be blunt but he still insisted he loves me. Friends keep telling me he's just doing it to move on, and that he probably misses me but knows we can't be together because a break-up is the for the best. He even said himself he can't keep being cruel to me... Sorry for the essay, I've been crying all day for the first time in a month. Think it was time to vent... Is it pretty common for dumpers to ignore the dumpee even if they still love them? Or is it possible he just hates me now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Not that it is normal but it does happen. I went through the same thing for the first time with this break up and I am in my 40's. Totally stinks. Hang in there. It gets better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 i would not go so far as to say that he hates you, but it does seem as though he is really wanting to distance himself from you right now. i would cease with all attempts of contact from here on out. you said yourself he treated yourself like crap. allow yourself to heal so you can experience a healthy relationship with a guy who can love you properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Is it pretty common for dumpers to ignore the dumpee even if they still love them? Or is it possible he just hates me now? It's likely he's just going into NC so he can heal. If you continue with contact then it becomes difficult to detach yourself. I wouldn't take it personally. If he really hated you then it wouldn't be necessary to go into NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nanana Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 I just wish he'd tell me to go away or tell me he wants me out of his life. That would actually hurt less than the silence I think. Why would he need to heal if he did the dumping? I just don't get why he kept insisting he loved me. Although maybe instead of listening to the part where he said 'i love you' I should have paid more attention to the fact that he was dumping me whilst saying this... Just don't get how you can love someone so much, yet find it so easy to shut them out. We have so many amazing memories, I wish he'd remember that. Why say 'i will always love you' to someone then never speak to them again?! I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Why would he need to heal if he did the dumping? Dumpers typically aren't cruel and heartless people - they just recognize that something in the relationship isn't working, and they decide to do the right thing by ending things. Just because he dumped you because there were issues in the relationship does not mean that he didn't love you, or that he no longer had feelings for you. It sounds like he did, but he knew it wasn't going to work, so he might be struggling with that. I just don't get why he kept insisting he loved me. Although maybe instead of listening to the part where he said 'i love you' I should have paid more attention to the fact that he was dumping me whilst saying this... Just don't get how you can love someone so much, yet find it so easy to shut them out. We have so many amazing memories, I wish he'd remember that. Why say 'i will always love you' to someone then never speak to them again?! I don't get it. Again, you can love someone and know that you can't be together. Love, unfortunately, isn't enough to make a relationship work. There are a thousand other factors that impact or impede relationships. I wouldn't doubt that he does/did love you and care about you greatly, but he knows the only way that you both can move on and find more compatible people is to not be in contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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