ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Never make someone a priority that keeps you as an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I have texted him that he has really hurt me with the way he's acting,, no response.. and he's not going to. And that will drive you absolultely crazy and make you very angry. You'd be best to take your phone and lock it in your car for the night. Sending all the pain and anger to him will do nothing. He's a jerk and doesn't deserve your time. Which I know is easier said than done. I really always wished I could have just walked away and said nothing ever again. Instead I sent every nasty thought I had for a LONG time. Harassment? Maybe. Deserved? ABSOLUTELY! Am I proud of it? NO!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candle23 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 and he's not going to. And that will drive you absolultely crazy and make you very angry. You'd be best to take your phone and lock it in your car for the night. Sending all the pain and anger to him will do nothing. He's a jerk and doesn't deserve your time. Which I know is easier said than done. I really always wished I could have just walked away and said nothing ever again. Instead I sent every nasty thought I had for a LONG time. Harassment? Maybe. Deserved? ABSOLUTELY! Am I proud of it? NO!!!!!!!! So he gets to just walk away and target the next girl? How do I let go of this anger and bitterness!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 just move on. forget that jerk. why is he such a priority, he played you. let's face it, he acts as if he advocates commitment and turns around and allows you no explanation on your part. unfair, immature, and useless on your end. it annoys me more that you are continuing to let this bother you, which i may even go to the stretch that it entertains him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 So he gets to just walk away and target the next girl? How do I let go of this anger and bitterness!! how? well, keep yourself busy, don't go on some trip telling people of his faults and issues, forget him, keep yourself busy, be around the people you love, do what you love, and meet new people, you are hot and fresh, and got some brains, see, you're lovable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bertdru Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 He asked you to commit, you didn't. And he is the player now? Maybe he wants a committed relationship with you. Maybe he thought you weren't available enough for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 He asked you to commit, you didn't. And he is the player now? Maybe he wants a committed relationship with you. Maybe he thought you weren't available enough for him. you've completely misread the post. if it were that simple, i'm sure the OP would have no problem understanding her situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I don't agree the he misread the post. Let's turn this around a little: let's say that a woman began a relationship with a man, had sex with him, fell in love with him and wanted a commitment. But the man, for whatever reason, wasn't willing to commit to her. Finally, she has had enough and walks away and gives as a reason his unwillingmess to commit. Would she then be a player? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuddiduddy Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 If it walks like a duck.... This is one case that doesn't seem to need a lot of analysis. This guy just wanted to get into the OP's pants. That became clear with the "just go with flow....do you want commitment?" lines. Like most people (male or female), if he really wanted commitment, he would've pleaded his case a little more with the OP. He didn't--not in the least. From what I've read, he hasn't done or said one thing to indicate any level of seriousness on HIS part. And then he turns the tables onto the OP blaming her because she "didn't wanna commit." Bull. Yeah. Sorry for all your past abuses OP. But run far, far, far away from this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candle23 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 If it walks like a duck.... This is one case that doesn't seem to need a lot of analysis. This guy just wanted to get into the OP's pants. That became clear with the "just go with flow....do you want commitment?" lines. Like most people (male or female), if he really wanted commitment, he would've pleaded his case a little more with the OP. He didn't--not in the least. From what I've read, he hasn't done or said one thing to indicate any level of seriousness on HIS part. And then he turns the tables onto the OP blaming her because she "didn't wanna commit." Bull. Yeah. Sorry for all your past abuses OP. But run far, far, far away from this one. You're right, I do need to let it go but I don't know how I can do that. The guy took my virginity and threw me away when he was done, how can I just let it go? He once jokingly said he had tainted me, looking back at that now he probably wasn't joking, it was the only thing he wanted. I feel that he has used me and discarded me, I don't know how to stop dwelling on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candle23 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 just move on. forget that jerk. why is he such a priority, he played you. let's face it, he acts as if he advocates commitment and turns around and allows you no explanation on your part. unfair, immature, and useless on your end. it annoys me more that you are continuing to let this bother you, which i may even go to the stretch that it entertains him. But. how can I not let it bother me!! See my reply above. (post #60) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I don't agree the he misread the post. Let's turn this around a little: let's say that a woman began a relationship with a man, had sex with him, fell in love with him and wanted a commitment. But the man, for whatever reason, wasn't willing to commit to her. Finally, she has had enough and walks away and gives as a reason his unwillingmess to commit. Would she then be a player? DN--I think you missed the part where he didn't "WANT" a committment, he asked HER if she did, and only AFTER sex. That's a low blow to a girl. Like most people (male or female), if he really wanted commitment, he would've pleaded his case a little more with the OP. He didn't--not in the least. From what I've read, he hasn't done or said one thing to indicate any level of seriousness on HIS part. And then he turns the tables onto the OP blaming her because she "didn't wanna commit." Bull. EXACTLY. It's completely one sided and selfish. People who care about one another ALWAYS hear them out. Even the bitterest separations between two people who REALLY care have that "exit interview". What can be the hardest pill to swallow is being betrayed. He portrayed himself to be one thing to get what he wanted. Then, once that happened, he just moved on to his next victim. Candle--I know how hard it is, but you are not alone. If you really really can't let go, maybe you can go thru the he11 I went thru by searching out the truth. I talked to MANY women he was screwing and abusing -- he was lying to all of us and telling us all he wanted a family and wasn't seeing anyone else. He played the game sooooo well. He played US! And it took TALKING to his OTHER girlfriend for me to be able to let go. That was 5 weeks ago. I still can't breathe. Google the term sociopath. One of the first definitions was the guy I used to love. He had NO consience and no concern for anyone but himself. Try to stay strong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 DN--I think you missed the part where he didn't "WANT" a committment, he asked HER if she did, and only AFTER sex. That's a low blow to a girl. This is what the OP wrote in her first post: I was with this guy Brian for 3 months, he took my virginity, told me he wanted to commit to me but i did not want to so soon since he's leaving the country in a few months( he's in the army). We continued to see each other, he was the only guy i was with during this time frame and from what i know, he wasn't seeing anyone else. Things seemed to be going well, i had developed feelings for him but all of a sudden he canceled our plans to meet one day and stopped calling me after that. I called him many times but he did not pick up. Finally after a week he texted me that he doesn't want to see me anymore because I won't commit to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 It would be very interesting to know how this relationship would have proceeded had the OP committed to this guy when he wanted her to. No one likes that sort of rejection. I think calling him a sociopath is very extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 It would be very interesting to know how this relationship would have proceeded had the OP committed to this guy when he wanted her to. No one likes that sort of rejection. I think calling him a sociopath is very extreme. extreme indeed. I didn't call Brian the sociopath. I was speaking about my own situation. And knowing the signs is paramount to avoiding them in the future. Seems like there's more to the story than we see here, there always is. The OP posted the TIME and MANNER in which he asked about committment. Clearly, he had an agenda. Why do you defend him? He's not on here trying to figure out how HE may have screwed up. He likely doesn't care at all. I've seen too many people (both men and women) with zero consience and they always have a zillion reasons it's not THEIR fault. My personal situation WAS extreme... and I will advise anyone to review personality disorder traits as to avoid them in their lives... whether they are currently present or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I don't agree the he misread the post. Let's turn this around a little: let's say that a woman began a relationship with a man, had sex with him, fell in love with him and wanted a commitment. But the man, for whatever reason, wasn't willing to commit to her. Finally, she has had enough and walks away and gives as a reason his unwillingmess to commit. Would she then be a player? True. Okay so let's take this example, we've just made eye contact for 6 seconds. Should I now commit to you? And lets say you're unhappy with my unreasonable will to commit to you after our intense fellowship, wouldn't a good partner at least be curious of why she did not want to commit, wouldn't the partner be willing to hear a reason. Secondly, is it right to pass on the number to friends? this friends called and said he'd be there for her if he needed her, okay sounds nice but, was he right in giving her number to anyone? Let's not overlook those parts there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 I think calling him a sociopath is very extreme. There is a lot more we need to know besides treating someone poorly to confirm one is a sociopath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 last i looked this was a support forum. I think it unfair to demean, attack or put any OP on the defensive. I love this place for the nonjudgemental support. We all make mistakes and we all have our own stories. That's what makes ENA so amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 sure, i definitely want to be supportive. but i do think that it's important to look at things from the other person's point of view. i can see why he moved on, since the OP made it clear she didn't want a long distance relationship. i don't think he should have passed out her number to other guys without her permission. and i don't think it is a good idea for the OP to date the best friend of the guy she was dating. boundaries, people, boundaries!!! i'd just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramsickle1369 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 sure, i definitely want to be supportive. but i do think that it's important to look at things from the other person's point of view. i can see why he moved on, since the OP made it clear she didn't want a long distance relationship. i don't think he should have passed out her number to other guys without her permission. and i don't think it is a good idea for the OP to date the best friend of the guy she was dating. boundaries, people, boundaries!!! i'd just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.... Annie--you're right. I am one of those people with boundary issues myself. I agree that dating a "friend" of an ex only exposes one to more drama and ridicule. Especially if the ex has no problem doing things like passing around a number to his friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 sure, i definitely want to be supportive. but i do think that it's important to look at things from the other person's point of view. i can see why he moved on, since the OP made it clear she didn't want a long distance relationship. i don't think he should have passed out her number to other guys without her permission. and i don't think it is a good idea for the OP to date the best friend of the guy she was dating. boundaries, people, boundaries!!! i'd just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.... fully agreed. this is the post the OP needs to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
law1204 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Things seemed to be going well, i had developed feelings for him...I called him many times but he did not pick up. How is this not the behavior of commitment? What else did he want from her, a signed document? On the other hand: but all of a sudden HE canceled our plans to meet one day and stopped calling me after that Let's stop pretending that a jerkoff's behavior has an excuse. The Army and impending deployment does not make someone act this way (trust me it does not - my boyfriend is military and is the sweetest, most committed man I have ever met), SHE didn't do something to make him act this way, he's a pile of cat dirt who so obviously wanted nothing more than to use her - and I've seen this enough times to spot it a mile away. Observe his behavior afterwards where his friends PLURAL are contacting her. Someone didn't just steal his phone: Today I got a message from a guy claiming to be Brian's friend, saying Brian often showed off my texts/pictures in a laughing manner. Dear OP: Trust yourself and your instincts. You know what type of person you were dealing with, and DN can stand up for him all day long, your heart knows the truth. My advice to you is to not answer any of his friends and do not contact him any more. This is because nothing you do or say will change this person or change what happened, and contacting any of them just draws it out and continues the situation which makes it harder for you to heal and move on. The only control we have in our lives is over our own selves. You may be heartsick now and worried that he is "free to go do it again" but Karma can be very, very harsh. Let it do its job, trust me, it will. Live your life the way you want and be happy in yourself. This kind of thing has happened to ALL of us. Most times you do not get closure, especially when you are dealing with someone who doesn't care enough about you to give it to you. I know it hurts but time makes it better. Start a journal and write it all down to get it out of your head and onto paper. Take up some new hobbies, and make some new friends. Soon you will be dating other people until you find a guy who will teach you what right feels like. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candle23 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 sure, i definitely want to be supportive. but i do think that it's important to look at things from the other person's point of view. i can see why he moved on, since the OP made it clear she didn't want a long distance relationship. i don't think he should have passed out her number to other guys without her permission. and i don't think it is a good idea for the OP to date the best friend of the guy she was dating. boundaries, people, boundaries!!! i'd just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.... I have no intentions of dating his friend, I never even knew about this friend until after he cut me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 well, good. block his number and those of any other 'friends' who decide to call you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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