Seeking guidance before I lose it!!

[ymee]

I don't know what to do anymore. My husband told me he doesn't love me. He spent all night out with his friend while I stayed home and cleaned our entire appartment from top to bottom trying to please him until i realized that he's the one who left after calling me every degrading name under the sun. I feel like complete crap. He treats me horribly. And brings up my past mistakes as if they were fond memories that I have. I don't get it. I married him. Meaning I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Not anyone else. So what does anything else matter?! Tonight I probably cried for a good 2 hours as he sat there making it seem like I was putting on a show! Or should I say telling me to stop putting on a show. Telling me I got the script down right! Like I intentionally pop the blood vessles in my face to make myself uglier than he says I already am! I even started to drink. I hate that because I don't want to be like my dad. He's an alcoholic. And drinking my problems away is not how I want * To handle things. But I think it's the only reason I'm alive tonight. I hate my past. More than anything. It's not even as horrible As it could have been. But I hate in none the less and would take it back if I could. But I can't so I try to move on. Except my wonderful husband won't let me. No to him. Even though I completely turned my life around for GOD. I'M TRASH. I'M DIRTY. I'M A * * * * * . A HOE BAG. DISGUSTING. THE UNCLEAN THING. I CANT KEEP MY LEGS CLOSED. I RUINED HIS LIFE!! right! Because I didn't change?! Because Im not trying to be a good wife?! * If I were those things wouldn't I be sleeping around now? Wouldn't I be wold now?! I'm not any of those things! I love my GOD AND that's why I stopped. Shouldn't the fact that I'm Sorry and have repented be enough?! I know it is for GOD so why not for him??? What can I do to change him? And the way he views me? I just want him to love me again.... The way I love him.... Please help

[asthesparrow]

He doesn't deserve your love.

[Hermes]

This is serious Ymee.

 

I just want him to love me again.... The way I love him

 

What exactly do you love about this abusive man? You must ask yourself that.

 

Hermes

[catfeeder]

If you stick around and cater to his cruelty, he'll just get meaner.

 

This man is not right in the head, and nothing you can say or do will change that.

 

I hope you'll call 1.800.799.SAFE to talk about this problem. This man is on his way to harming you, if he hasn't already.

[Jordan42]

Listen to the previous posters. This man is not worth what you're going through. I would advise that you leave the relationship, as hard as it will be to do, quit drinking and talk with a good counselor.

 

I'm saying talk to a counselor because I found it extremely helpful myself to be able talk to someone who is there to listen to YOU and and offer advice specifically to help you be the person you want to be. I don't mean to imply any judgement about you.

 

Good luck with your situation and keep us updated.