This Guy Isn't Normal

[KeepMe]

My ex, if you would even call him that, is quite alarming to me. I don't know what "normal" person would act this way, and it's quite scary... I'll try to be brief.

 

Long story short, I met this random guy long distance when I was thirteen (he was 15) in a CHAT ROOM years, and years, ago. Started what we thought was a relationship that both of us were too young, stupid, and completely unready for. He was a real wild child, and was very weird at that age. His family was/is very dysfunctional, he was basically acting like a young juvenile delinquent.

I got away from him for two years, and he messaged me again when I was sixteen. Stupidly, I was still young and decided to talk with him some more. Years went on and he was the same weird person, and him and I never got along. When I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, he would call me named. Once called a "aids infest jew" (I'm not even jewish) and say that he hated me, I was nothing but a c**t, worthless, piece of crap, would never mount to anything. He would switch his attitude around two seconds later and start bawling his eyes out and say he was sorry, he didn't mean it, and only said this because he was upset with me, and that he loved me more than anything. Needless to say he was an emotional abuser, unfortunately everytime he contacted me regardless of how many years we did NC I would stupidly talk to him when he came crawling back.

 

This is the alarming, and scary part

 

This was just some random guy that I met on a chat room, that I've tangoed with for 8 years, only meeting him in real life once for a week; long ago. I blocked all contact with him the last time we had an argument, I blocked him from every possible thing that linked to me. I remember the last time that we talked he tried to get me upset by saying that he had a thing for my friend, I'm not stupid I knew he did. I tried coming up with something that would really destroy him that would actually make him hate me and want to never contact me again. So I told him that I cheated on him multiple times, with multiple people (this was very untrue, but I had to think of something.) Of course this did it ... or so I thought.

 

Look at my phone today and it's been 7 months. He is now 23 years old, and he messaged me again on my phone. Are you kidding me? A 23 year old can not, and will not, stop following me. I've have the police involved, he phone harasses me every time things went sour. He seriously held onto what was a computer pixelated relationship that started when he was 14 and still never found anyone new. And each month, and each year until now he has tried to contact me. He is 23 he should have a life, a girlfriend, living on his own, getting serious about life. Instead he's chasing some random girl he met on a random chat room, in our preteens and only ever met once in his life.

What the heck am I to do? I cannot get rid of this creep! And I've had a few boyfriends since him, and happily moved on.

[In the Dark]

I'd say he likes yo physically then.

 

It's blatantly obvious both of you do not get along emotionally.

Why you decide to contact him after all those hateful words is beyond me.

 

Tell me why do you?

 

Is there something about him?

 

His looks?

 

Are you in hope his personality will change?

 

I mean come on....."aids infested jew...."

What do YOU see in him?

[KeepMe]

I'd say he likes yo physically then.

 

It's blatantly obvious both of you do not get along emotionally.

Why you decide to contact him after all those hateful words is beyond me.

 

Tell me why do you?

 

Is there something about him?

 

His looks?

 

Are you in hope his personality will change?

 

I mean come on....."aids infested jew...."

What do YOU see in him?

 

 

I don't see anything, anymore. I never did when I responded to him either ... I just couldn't believe he was contacting me after years of no contact. I was friendly to him, never wanted any relationship with him. But he would start begging me to date him again, and I told him how pathetic it was. I kept telling him it was just an internet thing that happened when we were children.

I was young and stupid, this was all years, and years ago.

 

I finally broke the bond, and decided to never talk to him again. I haven't for seven months, and he has texted me several times, and continues to text me til' this day, and still I do not contact him. Only reason I unblock him is to see if he will contact me and see how long he will keep this charade. If I see him message me I instantly delete it, I hate this guy, HATE, HATE, HATE.

 

I always told him I've moved on, and he would immediately start saying hateful things that I was stupid, and how he just hated me so much. I said "Okay, well if that's how you feel, whatever. I'm getting off the phone now, goodbye." He would scream back "Just f***ing wait a minute you stupid b***h, just listen to what I f***ing have to say, god you always do this to me!" Those were his famous lines. If I hung up he called back, and he would harass me millions of times.

When I got the police involved he went away, and then a few months later came back. There is no escaping him!

[eggplant47]

Stop returning his calls. Change your number, change your e-mail, if you have FB block him.

[emma34]

I think the answer here is quite simple.. This guy has turned into a border line stalker. His actions and words should be very alarming. There are red flags all over this guy. Stay the heck away from him! Change ur number, get off fb, do whatever u have to do so he cannot find u or contact u. Do it before the situation escalates out of ur control!!

[bebelight]

Stop returning his calls. Change your number, change your e-mail, if you have FB block him.

 

Agree^^

 

If the police are not responding quickly enough, call their office everyday to see whats happening and express your worry. There are also free community help groups that can assist you in keeping him away from you. Make sure your close friends and even parents know!!! The more people that know actually the better. My friends mom used to stalk her, and she got to her through one of our friends who did not know the situation. The last thing you should do is sympathize with him. Focus on keeping yourself safe. Nobody deserves to be harrassed.

[engos]

A restraining order might be an idea...besides physical proximity, do they apply to communication?

 

He sounds like a nut and could be dangerous...what have your boyfriends thought? I know if someone was doing that to my girlfriend I'd have a word with him...

[KeepMe]

Well, like I've stated above maybe I didn't get this out clearly. I have had no contact with him for several months. I don't want contact with him, and I don't ever respond to him anymore. He has messaged me several times and I just delete them right away. I never respond or talk to him. I'm done being sympathetic with him, I'm done being nice, I really hate this guy.

When I get a text from him I instantly delete it and carry on about my business. As for restraining orders, that probably isn't necessary. He lives in Arizona, I live in Missouri. He has never threatened to come down here and do anything. He strictly uses the phone to contact me and it's just text.

 

I have blocked him from Facebook, Myspace, Messenger, everything. The only way he can contact me is through text, and he usually just sends a "hello." I think he assumes he is blocked but tries his luck anyway.

I guess the reason I was posting this is because I'm simply amazed at how someone to continue this sort of behavior. Is this person someone who needs to get help, or is it far more than that? I fear him ever getting into a serious relationship with a girl, and her trying to leave him one day. If he can be this obsessive over a preteen internet thing, I can only imagine what would happen with a girl he seriously started seeing.

 

I know there are a lot of creeps out there, I'm not completely oblivious to that. It's just a little different when your dealing with one personally. I'm just fearful for anyone that crosses his path, and I'd kill to watch who he was to end up in a relationship with so I could warn them. It's just scary.

I don't think even personal help could help this guy. It's sad that he was basically ruined from his family. His family is very dysfunctional his mother beat him numerous ways, dragged him by his hair, made him eat his own vomit, and choked him til' he would pass out. He has had violent pasts with his grandpa, brother, sister. His mom had a boyfriend who would beat him and his siblings with anything he could find such as a tv cable cord that he would lash at them with. He has not held up a job for longer then two years, if it's too hard he quits. The only jobs he has ever experienced are gas station jobs, and fast food. He dropped out of high school because it was too hard for him, got his G.E.D. Tried community college, dropped out of that. He has been in trouble by the police, had an MIC, his friends are piece of craps. They always got him in trouble, even though most of it was his fault that he even decided to be there at the scene of the crime.

His mother, and entire family drink. She lets her children drink, his sister was getting drunk at the age of 11, and him at age 13 and his brother 12.

 

This guy is just a really damaged guy, and his mother has unleashed him out into the world with all of his problems. Is there any helping someone who is like this? I don't want to help him, and I won't help him, I'm just asking if he were to ever seek counseling, or someone he became close with ever be able to seek help?

[KeepMe]

A restraining order might be an idea...besides physical proximity, do they apply to communication?

 

He sounds like a nut and could be dangerous...what have your boyfriends thought? I know if someone was doing that to my girlfriend I'd have a word with him...

 

It is actually really embarrassing when it comes to my boyfriends, especially the one I've been with for almost a year now. I really have to tell them upfront "hey, just so you know, I have a creepy stalker guy that will never leave me alone." A previous boyfriend of mine did answer the phone one time, and this nut job actually started arguing with my boyfriend talking about how he was going to kill em', and stuff like that. It made the callings even worse, and turned out into a huge argument and got him all roweled up.

I'm not ever going to speak to him again, but I definitely won't let my current boyfriend speak to him. I know how that went before, won't do that again.

 

Getting the police involved they really took it as carelessness. They said that I would have to call my police station, and my police station would have to call their police station. Their police station is in the middle of Arizona they deal with murders, theft, all sorts of crimes, they really don't have time for stuff like this. Their police station that I contacted was really crappy to be honest. I remember I had to call the police a long time ago for him because one time he told me someone slipped something in his drink and he was worried, and I could no longer get a hold of him. Worried, I called the police and they told me they would call me back. Well ... they never called me back, the only call I got was from this guy saying that police came in and woke him up, shined a light in his eyes, and seen he was conscious and left.

My dad went round' and round' with this guy on the phone, he was cursing at my dad calling him all sort of names, hung up on him. My dad called back and he would play an audio tone so we couldn't talk directly to him. So my dad finally text him and said that the law would be involved if he kept harassing me with phone calls. This guys response was "F**k the police," so we called his police station and that's when they said that I would have to call mine, and mine and would call his, and it was a complete run around.

 

Then again that is coming from my police station who wouldn't do anything, when someone left me a gruesome voice mail of a death threat with great detail of what they would do. Their response was "well, a lot of people prank call ... not much we can do. Unfortunately if you encounter this person we would then have to take charge, but just a phone a voice mail there is nothing we can do right now." I let the officer hear the voice mail and he said it was weird, but he couldn't do anything about it. This infuriated my dad because technically they just told us "Unless this person actually tries to kill you, we can't do anything about it." So I figured nothing would come from the police about this long distance harassment.

[In the Dark]

This guy has issues and you should just stop talking to him.

 

I never understood how guys pursue and yet treat a woman like crap at the same time.

Yet the woman still responds.

 

Responding doesn't do you any favours at all.

 

Urgh....I just had a facebook virus I could have sent to you so you could send it to him.

That way you could send it to him and it would keep him off his PC for a while. lol

[thathoopla]

Don't respond to his contact ever again. Change your number or just completely ignore him.

 

The more you talk to this guy, even if you're telling him you'll get police involved, the more it feeds his habit and keeps him hooked on to you. I don't think a restraining order will stop him. You just need to have strict NC.

 

Someone on the forum suggested I read a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It's not a very long read and I think it may really help your situation since it talks about stalkers/ex-bfs heavily. Usually threats like that are just ways to emotionally manipulate you and to scare you, especially if details are given. You have to just disappear for him.

 

Edit: Just saw post #8. Since you're still bothered by him contacting you (even if you don't respond to him), why not change your number? You won't get a reminder of him any more.

 

And, it's not your place to try to fix him or be worried for his next relationship. You won't be able to do anything about it, so just let it go.

[eggplant47]

Girl, you already know he needs help. Frankly, I would still change your number.... the only thing between Missouri & Arizona is a $48 bus ticket.

 

I don't mean to frighten you exessively... but when I applied for a job as a Humane Officer (rescuing abused/neglected animals) the Humane Society put us through a lot of training with the local police to help us determine when we would need to take someone's threat seriously & I will never forget what one of them told me:

 

The louder they yell, the less you worry cause you know exactly how they're expressing their anger. It's when they get quiet that you worry, cause it means they're using their energy to plot something else.

 

I learned exactly how true this was a few months later when a man, who had initially seemed to accept having his Pit Bull seized was caught on our security camera's taking a rifle out of his trunk.

[ForumGuy]

I would suggest you go anonymous on a site like this too. Having your picture up here like that....he may be able to see everything you are writing here and play off it.