having same problems with bf. over and over..

[BCC123]

ok so i post on here about once a week, usually about the same thing. i have several problems with my boyfriend but one major one is that he never puts forth the effort to get ahold of me during the week, when hes at school 45 min away, in a fraternity at one of the biggest party schools.

 

i trust him. i never question what hes doing behind my back but it bothers me that he doesnt even feel the need to talk to me during the week. we'll go 4 or 5 days even without talking. i dont initiate contact because im scared of him not responding, and he always takes forever and it makes me nervous. plus hes kinda the one with the upper hand (which is ridiculous and there shouldnt be,i know) so i dont like to text or call him first.

 

it makes me feel like im the last thing on his mind. its like im not important enough and he doesnt even WANT to talk to me. its like why r u even dating me then?

 

ive brought this up to him about it and we fight about it all the time. every time he does it i bring it up and let him know and every time he says, i'll work on it im sorry. i dont want to break up. this has literally been said to me about this subject at LEAST 4 times.

 

so when is enough enough? when do i put my foot down and realize hes not going to change? when do i tell him that this is the last time. i dont want to threaten him or anything but obviously im upset about something and hes not changing it. him knowing alone that something is bothering me should make him change if he truly cares. right?

 

please help! i need advice as to what is the best way to go around this.

[Atticus90]

He sounds like he's a busy person. He probably wants to be with you, but doesn't have the time to give you attention like you would want him to.

 

You either have to accept it or break it off.

My opinion? Break it off and find someone else. You're only making yourself miserable sticking with these problems when they're never going to change, because of his lifestyle. Find someone that meets your standards.

[Sanesoul]

Why don't you ask him to make a set time during the week to call?

 

Like say, Wednesday evenings at 8pm.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to talk to him at least once during the week.

 

If he can't give you a small amount of time to talk on the phone during the week, then I wouldn't put any effort into the relationship.

[bridget]

Sorry to hear you're in this situation.

 

I went through something similar with my ex. In the early days he text me a lot - but as time went on, it got less and less. I brought it up with him a couple of times and he said he would try harder. But nothing changed whatsoever.

 

I think there's a couple of issues here - firstly, why should your partner have to work at or try harder at contacting you anyway? I know that every couple has a different style and level of communication, but that stuff should come naturally.

 

Secondly - and this is what p*ssed me off with my ex too - surely once you have brought it to their attention, they should rectify it. You shouldn't have to keep having the same arguments about it.

 

It's upsetting you - rightly - so personally I think you should issue him an ultimatum. I would calmly tell him that you need communication from him in the week, and that if he is unable to do that, then it's over.

 

I know that's really difficult, but there are so many guys out there who would give you the attention you need. Not everybody needs the reassurance - but I do, so I know how you feel. You should also feel able to call him when you want.

 

If he is the right person for you, then the fear of losing you will kick him into touch...hope it works out

[BCC123]

thank you guys, you all were right on.

 

i dont want to be that clingy annoying girlfriend, but i need that reasssurance, like u said.

 

it just wears me down, always fighting and complaining for his affection. can someone ONCE crave my attention? its so annoying and im sick of it

[bridget]

Of course you need reassurance!

 

But in a good relationship, reassurance isn't really an issue. Because they contact you, and you contact them, without a second thought to the balance of power. You call them because you want to tell them something funny - and you don't worry about it.

 

You shouldn't have to fight or complain for anybody's attention. That breaks my heart, because I have been there.

 

I think you need to ask yourself why you want to be with him. Is it because when you're together, he shows you affection and you tell yourself that must mean he cares? Do you feel anxious waiting for his affection? And then so happy when it arrives?

 

Maybe I'm just projecting my experiences here, but somehow I think I know this situation only too well, and it's not healthy.