Women's view of kindness in men.

[tiredofvampires]

You hear men think about compliments they could pay a woman. "Tell her her hair is pretty." Ok, whatever. What will go farther? "What the freak did you do to your hair today... are you going to grow dreadlocks?" It's mean, right?

 

That's mean? I see that as just playful teasing. (Edit: Oh, CC said the same thing!!)

 

I think "nice" is being used interchangeably on this thread with "good" and "kind" -- as usual. These distinctions are continually being discussed here. Somehow, "kind" in the OP turned into "nice", which I find a much more facile word.

 

When I think of the word "kind", I don't think of schmoozing, back-bending antics delivered with a silver tongue. And I don't think it's possible to be "too kind". Kind includes honesty. It includes straightforwardness. It includes being discrete. And sensitive with sensitive material. Kindness is the whole enchilada. KINDNESS IS THE CARE YOU TAKE OF SOMEONE ELSE, in all respects. But that requires different things in different situations. It's not kind to them to do anything that compromises your integrity, your own needs beyond your means to give, your truth.

 

Kindness is considering how the way you behave impacts someone else and trying to abort ANY action or words that will hurt them, be that in the immediate here and now, or down the line. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to be honest with yourself, and then transmit what you discover there to them. But with their well-being included in the process.

 

I'm not religious, but I think this passage has always summed up love well for me, and one can easily substitute "kind" for "love":

 

"[Kindness] is patient, love is kind [yes!]. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [Kindness] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

 

I would get with a guy who embraces this in the way he lives his life, in a fraction of a heartbeat. And there are a few of the words you used in your OP here, OP.

 

I believe a sincere person will be known for sincerity eventually. I don't believe you have to ever be cruel or mean, or go out of your way to "let them see the ugly you" to be both honest and show your cards. I do need honesty, and hate deception -- but I'd much prefer a guy who by nature feels less compelled (and is naturally ungiven) to say cruel, mean things in his "naked" state than one who confidently presents his ease in doing so, in his "naked" state.

[Cognitive_Canine]

TOV, we are such soul sisters.

[tiredofvampires]

TOV, we are such soul sisters.

 

Amen to that. And then, that would mean there's still hope for me.

[thathoopla]

best relationship trait a man can offer a woman. hands down.

[waveseer]

A person of either gender can be kind, patient, considerate, etc... and still stand up for themselves. Who wouldn't like to be in a relationship with someone like that?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Amen to that. And then, that would mean there's still hope for me.

 

Oh, bah. I was just really lucky that he managed to live so close by. I came really close to never having met him even though I knew him for years. I have my ex to thank for that. If he wouldn't have dumped me so horribly at that time, my friends wouldn't have tried to get me out of my funk by hooking me up with my now boyfriend.

[Go Habs Go]

You can be kind without being a pushover. Young women don't value kindness, regardless of what they say.

[arcadefire]

I would say whatever qualities you seek in a mate, you should display. Doormat is not one.

[ZizousamA]

You can be kind without being a pushover. Young women don't value kindness, regardless of what they say.

 

Some people, not just women, think they owned you if you show them some kindness or that it is owed to them without having to put in effort as well.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm basically a doormat. If I actually manage to wander into melodramatic circumstances, I can stand up for myself, but that virtually never happens. And, frankly, I find that "standing up for oneself" usually means "lashing out at what makes you angry." I'd rather remain calm and in control of my actions.

 

If I have to be aggressive, I'm passive-aggressive. In addition to being more effective than straight-out bluster, it's also a lot funnier.

 

This has probably hurt my chances with women, but, um, so have a lot of other things. In for a penny, in for a pound.

[WomanWriter]

Guys often confuse "kindness" with "having no backbone." A kind man is very wanted because he is genuine and patient. Who doesn't want that?!

 

But some guys pretend to be kind when they just want to avoid confrontation. Those types of guys are seen as wimps because they don't stand up for what's right. They rather kiss their woman's butt as to not upset her than be honest. No one likes fakers.

[WomanWriter]

I agree wth this. I think that many "nice" guys on the surface use their fake niceness to be controlling. They think they can get their way by putting on a front. That's why these types of guys are so unappealing. They seem too goof to be true and they are! Real nice guys are honest but have consideration. I rather be with someone who is nice most of the time but real than someone who always seems like a sweetheart but is just trying to get himself to be liked.

[GoneCrazy]

kindness in men...usely means guys who are weak, no confidence, not very well looking, and overall a waste of time.

[Go Habs Go]

kindness in men...usely means guys who are weak, no confidence, not very well looking, and overall a waste of time.

 

 

You could make the same argument regarding kind women. Doesn't mean I agree with you, but kindness isn't limited to either gender.

[GoneCrazy]

You could make the same argument regarding kind women. Doesn't mean I agree with you, but kindness isn't limited to either gender.

 

Lets face it, kind shy sweet people never get the person of there dream they date the muslce, cocky guy or the super hot girls. Its reality.

[Go Habs Go]

Lets face it, kind shy sweet people never get the person of there dream they date the muslce, cocky guy or the super hot girls. Its reality.

 

 

Eh, it depends. I never went out or hooked up with the super hot girl. Could I have? Maybe, but the average looking girls had better personalities.

[GoneCrazy]

Eh, it depends. I never went out or hooked up with the super hot girl. Could I have? Maybe, but the average looking girls had better personalities.

 

I'm not saying your ugly, nore have any money hell you probably have both you lucky son of a gun. But most if not all pretty people date pretty people and at a young age liek your 20s everyone trys to be prefect as they can be. If you walk down the street how many obesse people who have a sweet heart, be holding hands with an attractive person ?? most likely non.

[Go Habs Go]

I'm not saying your ugly, nore have any money hell you probably have both you lucky son of a gun. But most if not all pretty people date pretty people and at a young age liek your 20s everyone trys to be prefect as they can be. If you walk down the street how many obesse people who have a sweet heart, be holding hands with an attractive person ?? most likely non.

 

 

I'm definitely not rich lol. I may be a perfectionist in some areas, but dating isn't one of them. I don't date people for their looks.

[GoneCrazy]

I'm definitely not rich lol. I may be a perfectionist in some areas, but dating isn't one of them. I don't date people for their looks.

 

I'm sure thats what alot of people would say and no offence but i think that is b.s

[Go Habs Go]

I'm sure thats what alot of people would say and no offence but i think that is b.s

 

 

I'm not most people and my history indicates that I'm telling the truth. I've been on both sides of the attrctiveness scale. I know what it's like to be at the very least, awkward looking and not getting any attention. The most attractive girl I dated on a scale of 1-10 was probably a 7 at best. I've never gone out with an 8, 9, or 10 and have no intentions of it unless she convinces me she has the personality to abck it up.

[GoneCrazy]

I'm not most people and my history indicates that I'm telling the truth. I've been on both sides of the attrctiveness scale. I know what it's like to be at the very least, awkward looking and not getting any attention. The most attractive girl I dated on a scale of 1-10 was probably a 7 at best. I've never gone out with an 8, 9, or 10 and have no intentions of it unless she convinces me she has the personality to abck it up.

 

You might think shes a 7 other will think shes a 3, 6, or 10. I remember back in school we were getting our grad pics done and my friend (was a friend) came up to me "the chick checking the peoples names off is a smoking babe" i saw her and she was okay in my eyes. I might be to shallow which i most likely am but the moral of the story everyone has different view of other people.

 

As for me unless you got good looks and deep pocket you'll never find the perfect girl.

[Go Habs Go]

As for me unless you got good looks and deep pocket you'll never find the perfect girl.

 

 

There is no such thing as the perfect girl, or guy.

[GoneCrazy]

There is no such thing as the perfect girl, or guy.

 

Well maybe close to and frankly i think perfection can be reached, you might not believe it but the person who you "in loved with" will.