My fear is making me unhappy

[Chalie]

A few weeks ago my boyfriend wanted to break up with me cause he thought that you can't find other people attractive while you are in a relationship. So he thought it was unfair to stay with me since he wasn't the perfect boyfriend and he thought I deserve a better man than him. He just wanted me to be happy. We sorted things out and now he knows it's completely natural to have those kinds of thoughts and feelings sometimes. Afterwards he told me that he felt relieved and that he loves me allot. The thought of living without me was excruciating.

 

I haven't felt happy or safe in this relationship after that. That discussion came up when I least expected it. I was happy, was in love and felt loved. But now I don't even feel that I love him but I know that I still do. Because I got dreams that I feel that I love him but those dreams often become nightmares cause he treats me very badly in them. I guess your true emotions and fears come out in your dreams.

I fear that this relationship might end when I least expect it so I feel like I have to be prepared for it so I wouldn't be surprised when it happens.

I guess it's some kind of defense mechanism. But I do fight this feeling. I try to take it one day at the time and try to think "Enjoy it while it last" and if it ends, it ends, there's nothing I can do about it now so why worry. But it's hard. How can I trust him again? How can I trust myself again? I thought I was in a happy and working relationship but I wasn't.

I think I would end this eventually if I can't fight off my fears and I don't want that to happen. Because we could live a happy life together, there's a good chance for that. I really don't want my fears to ruin this for us.

Hopefully he meant what he said...

[Welsh lad]

I think getting dumped or told something like that completley out of the blue is one of the worst things that can happen to you, when you think everything is going fine then that happens.

 

A similar thing happened to me last summer when something came out of the blue when i thought all was well. Gradually it ate away at me and things were never the same and she eventually finished with me about a month later.

 

Im not saying this will happen as my girl at the time i found out was suffering from depression.

[december_x]

I fear that this relationship might end when I least expect it so I feel like I have to be prepared for it so I wouldn't be surprised when it happens.

 

How can I trust him again? How can I trust myself again? I thought I was in a happy and working relationship but I wasn't.

 

 

Maybe he was using the same defense you are. ( "Prepare for the break up now, so it won't hurt so bad when it actually happens" )

I say this because, Maybe he loves you and is afraid you don't feel as strongly towards him back.

Does that make sense?

I hope it does, because I've sort of been in that situation before.

 

And what do you mean the relationship wasn't working? Apparently, if everything was okay and there was no turbulence before, then everything was fine. Why can't you trust him?

 

My opinion is you're both afraid to... how do I put this... Allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. I truly believe the two of you could have a strong, beautiful relationship if you both lessen and/or let go of your fears.

[eggplant47]

I don't want to upset you and I could be wrong... but to me it sounds like he broke up with you cause he can't quite trust himself not to cheat. Maybe that's what your subconcious is trying to tell you through your dreams.