My bf steals from me

[judy1111]

I've dated this guy for a month.. He seems really into me and we like each other a lot.. He is a very busy man with a good career and often work til midnight.. He would come to my place and spend the night and leave before dawn.. He is also divorced with 3 kids..

 

Recently, monies in my wallet have vanished mysteriously.. At first I thought that i may have dropped them.. but then i realized that my money will go missing everytime he stays over.. Last night, i clearly remember i have some notes in my wallet before going home with him.. The next morning, all my notes were gone..

 

This doesn't make sense since he is suppose to have a great job and has money.. And he doesn't fit the descriptions of a Kleptomaniac too.. why is he stealing from me? Should I confront him and how should i do it?

[sidehop]

If you're absolutely certain that he may be taking your money I'd confront him. That's really sad if he's the one taking money.

 

And thieves don't necessary have to be broke, it's an addiction problem in itself.

[agent1607307371]

Not to be the paranoid one here but,

 

He is a very busy man with a good career [1] and often work til midnight.. He would come to my place and spend the night and leave before dawn.. [2]

 

1. Are you sure he does?

 

2. Every time? That sounds odd.

 

How long have you known him? I assume it's longer than the month.

[Cognitive_Canine]

While I normally do not enjoy testing, I'd purposefully leave notes in my wallet next time and remember the exact amount. That way I could know for sure.

 

If he really is stealing from you, I hope you boot him.

[sidehop]

One thing you can do is take the larger bill, write down the serial number as well as make a small notch somewhere on the bill. Also mark with a pen that's hard to notice that he wouldn't necessary know.

 

I'd confront him when he's about leave your house if your money is indeed missing.

[judy1111]

Yeah i am pretty sure he does.. He organizes events and I have been to his events before and saw some of his works for opening some clubs..

 

Not exactly everytime, but the last 3 times have been the case.. And i am quite sure that he took it because why would my money go missing if he didn't take it.. He was the only one in my house at those times..

 

I've known him for a few months..

[JusticeLaw9]

Addicts steal. Just because he's working doesn't mean a thing! Are you sure he's not into or on something?

[sidehop]

Does anyone else come in the house? Or did come in during the night he was there?

[judy1111]

I am quite certain it was him.. no one was in my house at those times except for him..

 

I am actually considering setting a trap as well.. but i am so afraid that he really is the one who stole my money.. it is quite devastating..

 

JusticeLaw9-What can he be into or on?

[Hurting85]

If you don't want to straight up confront him 'cause you aren't 100%, then take all the cash out and leave a note in there with his name on it and say y'all need to have a conversation. If he acts really strange, you can pretty safely assume he saw it. Or arrange things in your bag a certain way so you'll know if they've been moved.

 

That really sucks, though. I hope you can get it sorted soon!

[alli]

I would break up with him. How can it possibly work out with someone stealing money from you?? It would be impossible to trust him and foolish if you did.

 

I would probably put a sticky note on one of the bills (preferably a $1 or $5) that says something like:

 

John,

 

I know you are stealing from me. I don't care why you do it, but because of your compulsion and lack of regard for my personal property, I will never be able to trust you and we will no longer be seeing each other.

[catfeeder]

I would break up with him. How can it possibly work out with someone stealing money from you?? It would be impossible to trust him and foolish if you did.

 

I would probably put a sticky note on one of the bills (preferably a $1 or $5) that says something like:

 

John,

 

I know you are stealing from me. I don't care why you do it, but because of your compulsion and lack of regard for my personal property, I will never be able to trust you and we will no longer be seeing each other.

 

I agree with the first part of this, but why stick around to bait him? What would it accomplish other than to put yourself in actual danger.

 

You've dated this guy for a month. I'd cut my losses and move forward without confrontation or even seeing him again. This is nuts.

 

In your corner.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Because the OP isn't 100% sure that it is him. It could just be she doesn't keep track of her money.

[AJEDrew7]

Personally, I'd leave a little bit of money in the wallet and set up a hidden camera so that you can catch him in the act to make sure that he's actually stealing the money and that you are certain you aren't falsely accusing him (even though you still are almost 100% positive he's the one that's stealing from you). That would be my way of confirming it, but that's just me.

[judy1111]

I guess the problem is i actually like this guy (which is pretty rare).. If he was just another guy that i date/sleep with, I won't even be asking for advice.. While my head agree with most of the things u all said, my heart still tells me that i should at least have proof before making my decision.. or at least find out why he steals from me..

 

I keep track of my money very well.. I have never loss any money in my entire life until now..

[judy1111]

The most painful thing is that i can't even talk about it with my close friends coz it is so humiliating.. All my friends actually quite like him..

[sidehop]

If he can steal from you, who knows what else he's hiding. I'm sorry you like this guy but it's almost as though he's taking an advantage of the situation.

[judy1111]

You are right, Sidehop.. but how awful is this..

[judy1111]

If you don't want to straight up confront him 'cause you aren't 100%, then take all the cash out and leave a note in there with his name on it and say y'all need to have a conversation. If he acts really strange, you can pretty safely assume he saw it. Or arrange things in your bag a certain way so you'll know if they've been moved.

 

That really sucks, though. I hope you can get it sorted soon!

That is a very good suggestion..

[judy1111]

I would break up with him. How can it possibly work out with someone stealing money from you?? It would be impossible to trust him and foolish if you did.

 

I would probably put a sticky note on one of the bills (preferably a $1 or $5) that says something like:

 

John,

 

I know you are stealing from me. I don't care why you do it, but because of your compulsion and lack of regard for my personal property, I will never be able to trust you and we will no longer be seeing each other.

Brilliant! Thank you..

[alli]

I agree with the first part of this, but why stick around to bait him? What would it accomplish other than to put yourself in actual danger.

 

You've dated this guy for a month. I'd cut my losses and move forward without confrontation or even seeing him again. This is nuts.

 

In your corner.

 

Yeah I suppose it could be dangerous; not even sure if I'd have the ovaries to do it, but it would be really tempting to make a point & call out a klepto like that.

 

If you really want to know for sure if he's the one doing it, maybe try to set up a way in which he is definitely the only person who could possibly have access to your wallet, so you know it's not his roommate or something. Check immediately before & immediately after hanging out with him. How you handle it at that point is up to you, but I would cut off contact with him.

[alli]

Brilliant! Thank you..

 

Lol, catfeeder does have a point though. If you are alone with him & all the cards are on the table, it's hard to say how he would react. He would definitely be embarrassed, defensive & probably a bit pissed.

 

Also, fyi you can respond to multiple responses by clicking "multiquote" on each post until you get to the last one you want to respond to, & just click "quote" on the last.

[judy1111]

Yeah I suppose it could be dangerous; not even sure if I'd have the ovaries to do it, but it would be really tempting to make a point & call out a klepto like that.

 

If you really want to know for sure if he's the one doing it, maybe try to set up a way in which he is definitely the only person who could possibly have access to your wallet, so you know it's not his roommate or something. Check immediately before & immediately after hanging out with him. How you handle it at that point is up to you, but I would cut off contact with him.

Lol.. Thanks for letting me know how to response to multiple messages..

 

I really don't want to make it too confrontational which will result him in embarrassment and anger.. A part of me still want to find out the reason he does it and if that could be fixed.. Am I being foolish?

 

Worse still, I will be attending one of his event in Thailand and will be staying with him for a few nights.. I might have to stuck all my monies in my bra even when i am sleeping! Should I test him during the trip or after?

[turnera]

I guess the problem is i actually like this guy (which is pretty rare).. If he was just another guy that i date/sleep with, I won't even be asking for advice.. While my head agree with most of the things u all said, my heart still tells me that i should at least have proof before making my decision.. or at least find out why he steals from me..

 

I keep track of my money very well.. I have never loss any money in my entire life until now..

 

Do you hear yourself? You really really like a guy who thinks so little of you that you are just a vessel to screw and to steal money from?

[judy1111]

Do you hear yourself? You really really like a guy who thinks so little of you that you are just a vessel to screw and to steal money from?

I like him before knowing that he is a thief..